


Close the Distance

by xweirdosonlyx



Category: One Direction (Band)
Genre: Alternate Universe, Anal Sex, Angst with a Happy Ending, Blowjobs, Fluff, Fluff and Smut, I hate tags, M/M, Minor Violence, Riding, Slight Alcoholism, Smut, Ziall - Freeform, but please read, kinda sucks, larry - Freeform, lots of fluff, slight homophobia
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-01-12
Updated: 2014-02-22
Packaged: 2018-01-08 11:22:16
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 12
Words: 47,116
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1132040
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/xweirdosonlyx/pseuds/xweirdosonlyx
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>“Thank you so much Harry.” He kissed my nose, “thank you for helping me forget about these other assholes,” my forehead, “thanks for being my bestest best friend ever,” my cheek “for being so fucking cute,” my other cheek, “and for everything. I love you. Forever and always and-”</p><p>I cut him off with a gentle kiss and pulled him against my chest.</p><p>“I love you too,"</p><p>~Harry loves Louis and Louis feels the same. They fuck, they kiss, they cry, and the laugh. Neither know what actually is for the best but they know their each worth it.<br/>Sorry, i hate summaries, so much, just read it.~</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

Working in a bakery with my mother wasn't my ideal position in life at the moment, but I'd rather spend time with her than in some boring, stupid UNI. Even if it means getting hit on by obnoxious girls continuously when I'm obviously not interested. It was a rainy Tuesday morning and even though most of my customers ended up drenched, I couldn't help but laugh. Until Taylor decided to pay a visit.

"Hi Harry!" she exclaimed with her overly happy personality. "Lovely day isn't it?"

Taylor was one of those people who just couldn't take no for an answer. She comes in every week just to order something and attempt to flirt with me. The first day it was cute. The next week, strange. On the third month, though, when it was hot rather than wet, she came in with a short tank and shorts. She bent over because she 'dropped' her purse and scooted back until she was rubbing against my thigh. Being beyond pissed (and a bit confused) I had every right to push her out of my bubble, but, knowing Taylor, that wouldn't help at all. So I stood there and took it and once she was gone I went to the bathroom to let out a very irritated and frustrated groan.

"Lovely." I said, resuming the present, with as little emotion as possible, and handed her usual iced latte and oatmeal cookie. Thankfully she didn't put up a fight trying to force me on her.

I didn't have anything against her I just wasn't into her… gender. I was always confused but me being me, I always had barriers and never told anyone. The only one I told was my roommate and sometimes I worry if I'd told the right person. I was always unsure of myself until I was 15 and I walked into the locker room as several of the soccer players were getting dressed. I still remember it. That day I declared myself gay.

"Harry!" mum called snapping me out of my memories. "Oh there you are, love, when you leave today could you take these muffins with you? Take them home, feed them to the dog, give them away; I don't care. I just need more inventory space."

"Actually I could take them home now. Me and Zayn were going to do an all-nighter and I was hoping to get off little early today if you don't mind." She accepted my offer and gave me the box of muffins I have yet to devour.

Just as I was about to put my apron up a ringing of the doorbell clung to my ears. I turned to see the last customer of my  _day_ only to be met by a man drenched in rain. The way is white shirt hung onto his skin and his skinny jeans were dripping with water caught my attention right away. He had several tattoos on his arm that probably had more meaning to them than my random little doodles. I rushed over to ask if he needed anything without gawking at how attractive he was.

His sandy brown, but wet hair hung over his forehead and his blue eyes changed a different shade of cyan when his pupils met mine.

"Uh… oh n-no I'm good," he said smoothing his hair back and shifting his gaze towards something behind me. "I could use a phone though seeing as how mine isn't water resistant." He chuckled. I pulled out my phone to unlock and hand over as I put my apron up waiting for Zayn to pick me up. Something else peaked my interest though.

"Niall, what the hell is-… Well you could've told me… Fine I'm sorry. Now will you please pick me up? I'm soaked… Are you serious!?" he rambled. It seemed like he was having trouble. No doubt if Zayn doesn't get here soon enough ill have to take matters into my own hands. "Then when should you be back?" he continued before leaning his had all the way back and giving a quick goodbye.

"Get what you need?" I asked coming from behind the walls like I hadn’t been eavesdropping.

"I guess," he sighed. "Do you know when the next bus will get here?"

"Not for another hour, the last bus left 15 minutes ago. Why? Do you need a ride somewhere?" I asked before mentally slapping myself forgoing for someone who was clearly not in the mood for flirting.

Luckily enough he answered, "I'd love that! Thanks a lot." Extending a hand with a smile that could blind you he gave me his name.  _Louis_.

 

Not even ten minutes later, Zayn came in through the door while me and Louis were talking about each other. He's really funny. And really cute. We like lots of the same stuff and even though we had just met, we had a certain bond. He gave me his number and I'm pretty sure I caught him staring at me a few times. Can't blame him though. I'd been doing the same.

I introduced him to Zayn. My best friend. My roommate that I’ve known since we were 10. We planned to stay together after our school days just to make sure nothing significant happened to on without the other knowing. I never thought having a friend like him would end up making me a happier person. He's like my brother.

On the way to Louis flat we mainly just goofed off in the car. We had we ‘Burning Love’ on full blast screamed out the windows played a game of truth or dare that wouldn't end up in a car crash and just grew closer as friends.

The night gradually got better by the second as I got closer to Louis when a thought popped into my mind:

"Louis?" I laughed.

"Yup?" he answered popping the p.

"How would you like to do an all-nighter with me and Zayn?"

"All-nighter? As in…" he trailed off.

"As in" Zayn started, "playing video games, watching movies, eating random crap, you know, live!"

"I'd love to, really mates, but-" "But nothing!" I interrupted. "You're gonna have a great night and that's that!

And that was exactly what happened

 

***

 

We drank, probably a bit too much (according to photos), and did what you wouldn't normally do with people you met no more than 12 hours ago, and had fun doing it! Even though I can't recall everything that happened last night

In the morning, I saw Louis still passed out under a blanket on the living room floor. Shirtless.

In fact all of us were shirtless. I walked over to the kitchen and found a pair of pants on the chair. Oblivious to the situation I saw Zayn attempting to make pancakes and stay awake at the same time. He looked pretty hung over.

"You know I brought back an entire box full of muffins last night right?" you'd think he just wrote a 10 million word essay when he only had to write a small sentence.

"Are you fucking kidding me?" he pushed the batter into the sink and turned off the stove to go hibernate in his own bed.

"Obviously not." I muttered. He never was really happy in the mornings; let alone when he was hung over. The door slamming was enough to wake up my newfound friend, Louis. When he stood up yawning with the blanket hunched over his shoulders I realized whore pants were by the table. "Erm… mate?"

"Yeah, Haz?" I blushed furiously at the new nickname and continued,

"I think you're missing something." I gestured to the lower half of his body, failing to suppress a laugh.

When he caught a glimpse of his pants sitting on the chair next to me, he shook off the blanket and skipped over to get them and slip them on. I couldn't help but take one last look at him in the one piece of clothing he had on. He has a nice ass. He stood up to look me in the eyes and smiled ear to ear. There's no way I couldn't laugh at that face. Before long he began to laugh as well. As the laughter died down he brought up a topic that had passed right by me.

"Hey..Uh… where is your shirt? Not that I don't love the view but-" I blushed as he bit his lip and pretty much checked out before adding, "and why did I wake up without pants? Did we do a certain something last night?"

Realizing he wanted an actual answer, I gave him one: "I have no idea." I wasn't lying. "I don't think we did anything of the sorts last night. I would've remembered something as breathtaking." I mumbled.

"What was that?"He asked curiously.

"I said 'I don't think we did anything of the sorts'." I said louder, leaving out the last bit of course.

"Shame. What a waste of a good night." He smirked. Was he just flirting? "Hey can I borrow your phone again I need to call my roommate to come pick me up" I scanned around the room searching for it. I hadn't noticed how messy he flat was until now. There were clothes and sheets in heaps all over, there were movies and video games scattered in front of the TV, and better yet, a broken beer bottle by the window. "If you can find it! Good luck. It could be anywhere." I walked over to the couch bending over to search in between the cushions.

I shot up just as I felt a smack at my ass. "What the hell?" I laughed as Louis made his way over to pick up the glass. "Aw. Did I hurt your bum?" he said with one of those baby voices.

"No…you just surprised me that all." I giggled. Shit. I looked back up to see Louis doubling over in laughter.

He laughed as he held his sides. Out of embarrassment I rushed over to the kitchen just to laugh at myself. It was kind of silly. "No worries Haz." He said as he walked over to me and placed a hand on my shoulder. As we both calmed ourselves, he said, a little softer:

"We all make certain noises at certain times. I think it was rather nice." I had no idea how to take that, let alone what he meant, so when he darted across me to reach above the fridge I was rather relieved.

"I found it!" he said throwing his hand into the air in victory. I unlocked my phone for him so he could settle himself on the couch and make a call. I figured now would be a good time to use the restroom.

 

 

After half an hour of me and Louis playing FIFA, Zayn decided to take a break from his much needed beauty sleep. I fixed everyone some cereal since no one was in the mood for cooking. Just as Zayn was about to enter the kitchen we heard someone knocking on the door. Being closest but most irritated at the moment Zayn grunted as he opened the door. I had to turn around to make sure he didn't die because he was in complete silence. His facial expression was priceless. But what's odd about it is that it was the same look he gave his girlfriend for almost an entire year, until she moved to America. It was a look of pure adoration.

"Niall!" Louis practically shrieked as he rushed to throw a book at him.

"Ow! Come on Louis I said sorry!" he said with a hearty Irish accent. Zayn snapped out f his daze and stumbled into the kitchen. Something was up, but I decided to ask about it later.

"Harry this Niall; my roommate that decided to lock me out and go to some party while I wandered town in the rain!" Louis spat. I could tell he meant good when he and Niall burst into laughter. Niall let himself in and headed towards the kitchen. "Listen Harry, I had a great night and I think we should meet up again when Zayn isn't so grumpy." He motioned to Zayn eating his cereal and texting while talking to Niall all the same. "Or it could just be me and you, ya know?"

"Are you asking me out?" I asked as my heart paced a little quicker.

"Depends. Is that a yes or no?"He asked cheekily.

Disregarding the fact that I would have to keep  this from my mother, I accepted his offer.

"I didn't know you were gay."

"Well you don't usually meet a straight guy that's into Adele. Well, at least none of the guys that I've met."

"Zayn likes a few of Adele's songs." I defended.

"Well maybe he's not as straight as you think. You pick up a few things if you learn fast enough."

I turned to see Zayn laughing his ass off with Niall in a way I never would've expected.

After Louis gave me his number and left with Niall, my curiosity peaked as I walked over to Zayn still at the table.

"What was that about?" I asked bluntly.

"Uhm… did I miss something?" He laughed.

I smiled and sat next to him. "You were acting rather odd this morning. Especially when Niall came in." His eyes lit up as I said his name.

"I-I don't know what you're talking about." He said blatantly. Sometimes he was the best at covering up for the most complicated things. But today he just seemed distracted. "Listen Harry if there was something wrong I'd tell you. You know that."

"Okay… then tell me." I pushed on. I know I can be stubborn, but so was he. And there was no way I'd give up so easily.

"Harry," he warned. "Zayn," I said in the same tone. He sat in silence looking rather disturbed and confused. My patience was wearing thin so I took a differ route and poked his cheek. Repeatedly. He looked up at me and furrowed his eyebrows. I was going to get to him one way or another.

"HARRY!" I stopped. He took a deep breath and looked at anything but me. "What do you think of Niall?"

"Um he's a rather nice guy… why?"

"Cause I-I think… he's funny and his eyes are… he's just a really cool lad. That's it." He said quietly looking down.

"Zayn? Are you ok?"

"Yeah, yeah… I just… think he’s cute.”

I froze with an open mouth but quickly spoke when Zayn began to blush, “You- your gay?”

“I don't know I don't think I'm rather full-on gay but maybe just bi. And when Niall came in he just…ugghhh!" he sputtered in a rush, "Could you just do me a favor and not talk about it until I get myself together?"

"Sure mate. Uh, just take another nap while I straighten up in here."

As if on cue, when Zayn's door closed I got a text from an unknown number,

**_Friday - meet me at the mall. 2:30 ok with u?_ **

**_-Lou x_ **

I smiled at the text noticing the x at the end and felt confident,

**_Fine by me, babe ;)_ **

**_-Haz xx_ **

 

***

 

Before the 'date' I was so antsy. I tried to ask Zayn about some tips since it's been awhile, but since our little talk I really didn't think he was in the mood for this kind of stuff. I went to the next best thing. Liam.

We had been in a relationship almost an entire year ago, but after a while we just didn't really click. He understood and took it a lot more easily than I had expected. It bothered me but in time I just forgot about it. We did eventually become close friends soon after, though.

He met me at the bakery towards the end of my shift. I told him all about Louis and how we arranged a movie date.

"Seems like you really fancy him." He chuckled as I went on about him waking up almost naked.

"I wouldn't say fancy so much as …"I rolled my hands looking for the right word.

"Have a crush on him?" he emphasized crush.

"I am a grown man." I defended as I gave an elderly woman her bagel. "Men don't have crushes. But if you're saying that I like him, then you wouldn't be wrong."

"Duh! I'm Liam. I'm almost never wrong. Well… maybe not almost - but I'm not stupid!"

"Of course your highness." I gave a slight bow. "But I do really need a little advice. You know I can be rather awkward at certain things."

"Isn't that the truth". He mumbled. Not the less he came back with his usual words of inspiration. "You really should just be yourself. If he doesn't like the awkward you and would prefer the cool you – not that you aren't cool," he raised his hands as he took a bite of his doughnut. "Then he can go screw himself. But you should really do something about that hair."

"What? Why? What's wrong with my hair?" I panicked

"Nothing I love it. You know that. It's just that…" he lowered his voice. "One really long tuft of hair has been standing up like a skyscraper for the past hour." I blushed finally noticing the odd smiles I was getting and smoothed my hair over and tucked it back into place.

"Sometimes you can be an ass." I laughed.

"You still love me." He beamed with a smile. I loved how we could joke around, even though we used to be so closely intimate. Usually after a break up you rarely ever want to see them. But Liam isn't the type to just be ignored. He's just too nice of a person.

"I do." I said coming around the counter to pick up leftover dishes." Hey, Li? Would you mind giving me a ride home?"

"No problem! I suppose I could help pick out a few clothes for the big day." I put my stuff away and we headed towards his car. Mine was all beaten up and could blow up any given minute. I really should just get another car. Or at least sell it so it's no longer my problem.

When we got to my flat I hoped that Zayn as home, seeing how I forgot to take my key with me.

"ZAAYYNN! OPEN UP!" I shouted towards the door. Nothing. I started banging on the door hearing a game playing in the background. Still nothing. I was just about to start banging a little harder but the door flung open with a pissed of Zayn.

"What the fuck Harry? I was-" he stopped to take a look at Liam. "What the fuck is he doing here?" he growled. I had all but forgotten about the bad blood between my two closet friends. Any sign of happiness in my face immediately dropped.

"I… umm… he's helping me out for Friday." I stuttered pushing Zayn back before a fight ensued.

In high school when I started hanging out with Liam, Zayn liked hanging out with him too. I told him of my little crush (we weren't grown men yet) on Liam and he was ok with it. But when we started going out towards the end of high school he accused Liam of kissing some blonde girl even though we knew he was gay. Liam didn't try to correct him either, but he did tell me that it wasn't his fault. That she refused to accept the fact that he wasn't interested. I decided to take his word on it. Especially after the girl admitted it to me.

Zayn still thinks Liam kissed her purposefully. But I knew Liam wasn't the type of person. Everyone knew it. Me and Liam did breakup for a week until we made up. Liam was furious that Zayn was being a complete ass to him afterwards though. They never made up obviously. I just went along with it. I didn't like having people fighting over my well being. But it was good to know they cared. Even though it got carelessly annoying. After a year or two, we officially broke up.

Even though Liam wasn't the one to get physical with people I sill sensed that he was ready to beat the shit out of Zayn right then.

"Is it wrong that Harry have a friend over that cares more than his roommate?" Liam teased.

"it does if it's some bitch like you." He mumbled.

"What?"

"I SAID YOU'RE A BITCH." He said slowly. I was going to tell him to be quiet but Liam beat me to it.

"WHY DON'T YOU JUST SHUT THE FUCK UP MALIK?" No more nice Liam...

"MAKE ME."

That was it. Liam lunged forward to push Zayn, and Zayn pushed him back with twice as much force. I ran over after enjoying a good bit of the scene. I stood in between them face to face with Zayn, and back to chest with Liam.

"We'll be going now. LIAM."

I had to jab him in the stomach with my elbow for him to take a hint and walk upstairs, cursing under his breath.

"Why can't you two just make up? That was years ago!"

Without answering me he walked back to the couch to finish playing his video game.

With all the tension left downstairs, Liam calmed down and began searching through my closet for my the outfit I'll wear on my date. I figured this would be better than another argument with Zayn, so I let him do his thing. Even though the date was 3 days away, and we were only going to see a movie, Liam decided to put a lot of focus into my clothes. And when he gets focused you can't help but sit and enjoy the show. 


	2. Chapter 2

I got to the theatre and up by the front doors I saw an amused Louis feeding bits of his sandwich to some of the pigeons surrounding his table. To get a laugh, which I did, I ran up to the group squawking rather loudly, watching them fly off in a mad flush.

"Hey," Louis complained. "I was enjoying my time with them. I even named the one with a big blue spot on its head."

"Oh really?"

"Yeah, Kevin" he smirked as he stood up. "Whatever. You look rather nice today."

Thanks to Liam I think I did look 'rather nice'. I wore a tight fitting grey tank top with a navy plaid unbuttoned button up. I had on some ark blue skinny jeans and white converse.

"You don't look too bad yourself." I smirked. Clearly an understatement. He wore blue button up and bright red skinny jeans. His black and white striped suspenders worked well for him and went with his grey TOMS.

"So what movie do you wanna see? I was thinking something funny. Like…"we searched the screen until I pointed out a good one that I saw through trailers.  _The Heat_  Looks really funny.

And it was.

Louis offered to get popcorn, sodas, and some chocolate while I found some decent seats towards the top. They were usually the best in the house. I was happily enjoying the movie until I dug my hand into the popcorn bin and felt Louis hand.  _Major CLICHÉ_. Nervously I yanked my hand back and mouthed 'sorry' to him. He returned the gesture with a smile. Those lips will e the death of me.

When the movie ended, I bent down to pick up the box of Crunch off the floor only to be hit in the forehead with Louis' knee.

"Oh! Sorry, are you ok" his voice sounded concerned until I looked up and saw him holding back a laugh.

"You're getting a kick out of this aren't you?" I asked as I threw some of the leftover popcorn at him.

"Hey, 1: yes I was and 2: there is now popcorn in my hair! I hope you're happy." He laughed as he took some more popcorn and chucked it my way. As the jokes kept rolling off our tongues we continued throwing more popcorn until we ran out. Unsatisfied Louis picked up the tub and placed it on my head and added a roll of laughter.

When I picked the tub up I looked at where he should be but wasn't.

"Hide and seek? Really?" I shouted to nobody in particular.

I nearly had a heart attack when I saw a figure jump out at me, scaring me over the row of seats. The laughter continued nonstop as I rose and threw an empty soda can at it.

"What the hell Louis? You scared the shit outta me!" I jumped back over to him and tackled him on the floor.

Our faces were not even an inch away from each other and all I wanted to do was connect them. I could tell he could too by the way he parted his lips and raised his head just a little.

But apparently life thought I needed a kick in the face.

We were interrupted by two flashlights flashing around the room and some voices saying things like, 'look at this mess', 'you're on sweep duty', or just 'what the heck is this gunk?'. Me and Louis had to hold back our laughs as we crawled our way to the closest exit.

"You asshole, you almost got us caught!" I said referring to him constantly slipping down the stairs.

"It's not my fault. I was distracted." He added the second part quietly but I could still hear. I walked towards the front doors but Louis pulled me back and took my hand.

"I don't think our day is done yet. Considering the fact that its only 4:56, I think we could slip in another movie." He whispered pulling me back to the theatre doors. I knew we would get in trouble if we were caught and normally I would be 100 percent sure about breaking movie regulations. But something about Louis' warm hands and the gleam in his eyes just made me 10 thousand percent sure.

Until he pulled me in to see  _The Exorcist_.

And of course he had to pull me in at one of the most horrifying parts. I'd seen the movie multiple ties, but I just could never get used to it. I'm surprised I hadn't gotten kicked out for yelling so loud, and that Louis hasn't made a noise since we got in. By the time the movie ended I let go of Louis' hand that I've been holding onto surprisingly tightly.

I put my head in my hands and mumbled, "I'm never going back to sleep." I looked up at Louis who sat there with wide eyes and breathed raggedly. No doubt now that he'd been scared.

"You look like death Louis." he looked at his hand which was a slight tint of pink and red. "Sorry I held your hand a bit too hard. Why didn't you just take it away?"I breathed.

"No, it's ok. I liked holding your hand. Not as hard as that, but it was nice." He smiled ear to ear. "It also took my mind off the really morbid parts."

"Come on. I think you've held me captive enough." I laughed. I stood up and leant him my hand. He was blushing, but none the less, held it like I was a porcelain pony on the brink of cracking. "Plus, after that I don't want to walk home in the middle of the night." Neither of us got here by car and was necessarily comfortable with a taxi, so we were perfectly comfortable with walking. We decided, after figuring out that his flat was closest, that I would stay over with him for the night.

 

***

 

That night we watched movies, pigged out played a few games. By the time Niall had gotten there. I had to keep myself from blurting out Zayn's little secret. He did, in fact, tell me that he was gay, which would be should be good news for Zayn.

There have been multiple moments where Louis and I could have kissed, but something kept coming up. I'm beginning to think life just doesn't want me to be with him.

In the morning I woke up in their living room on the floor wrapped in a blanket and something else I couldn't quite put my finger on. I looked over my shoulder and saw Louis sleeping peacefully with his arms around my waist. I smiled and turned around so I was facing him. Niall, slumped over a large beanbag chair with his hand dangling in an empty bowl of popcorn, caught my attention but I soon turned back to Louis. His hair swept over his eyes and his lips were slightly parted. His chest rose and fell at a smooth tempo. His tattooed arm came up a little and settled his hand on my hip. I had to restrain myself from attacking his face. He was just so… angelic-looking.

Suddenly his eyes flickered open and hut again. "Aarrgghh! Why is it so bright in here?"

"'Cos its morning." I chuckled.

"Don't be a smartass." He retorted. When he opened up his eyes again he stared into mine and smoothed his thumb over my hip, keeping eye contact.

"What is it? You seem… hazy." I asked a little quieter.

"Nothing." He smiled "You just have really pretty emerald eyes." I began blushing and started looking for something to say back.

"Thanks. You have really pretty… lips." I gnawed on my bottom lip. He noticed and laughed. He inched a little closer so his chest was pushed against me. "Thanks." I smiled, took a deep breath, and leaned in a little, feeling the heat surrounding him. His lips brushed against mine and he closed his eyes, pulling my hips impossibly closer.

The one thing that faltered our moment was Niall's unbelievably loud snore. Louis eyes shot open and I pulled away. We both began to blush furiously, not making eye contact.

I sighed and Louis managed, "well that wasn't awkward at all." This got a laugh out of both of us. We sat up and I searched his face, finding trails of happiness and nervousness at the same time. "You want something to drink?" he said after a few silent moments. "Yeah, thanks."

When he stood up, he took the blanket with him. "Hey! Now I'm cold." I got up and laid on the couch with my arms crossed over the arm of it.

"Don't worry I'll make you some tea." He strutted to the kitchen with the blanket hunched over his shoulders and had to stretch up a little to reach the tea packets.  _Why would they put things on the top shelf when neither roommate were even tall enough?_

"Why not some hot chocolate?" I was in the mood for something sweeter than just water and flower petals.

"Because we don't have any." I looked in the cabinet and from where I was sitting I could see two boxes of hot chocolate packets on top of the fridge.

"Yeah you do."

He turned and furrowed his eye brows, "No we don't."

"Yeah you do." I sat up determined to get what I wanted.

"But… I don't wanna make hot chocolate! It takes too long." He whined like a five year old.

"But I want hot chocolate!" I whined in the same tone.

"Fine!" he jumped up to grab the box and threw it at me. "Then you make some hot chocolate!" I got up and made some hot chocolate for both of us. I put the cups down on the table and saw Niall wobbling tiredly to the table.

"Niall can sense when food is around. You should've made three cups." Louis whispered by me as he sipped some of his drink.

That's probably why he didn't want to make hot chocolate.

I gave Niall my cup reluctantly and ended up drinking half of Louis cup when he went to the bathroom. Sometime around noon Louis offered to drive me home after Niall kicked his ass at some basketball game on his Xbox.

On the way we mainly just jammed out to a bunch One Republic and Coldplay songs. As we got closer he turned the volume down, and I guess I was so in tune that I guess I kept singing until I realized he was staring at me and the music went off.

"Wow. You're a really good singer!" I blushed for the billionth time since meeting him.

"Thanks, but why'd you turn the tunes off?"

He scoffed."Okay, one: no one says tunes like that." He stifled a laugh and I rolled my eyes as we got to the parking lot in front of my building. "And two: I wanted to know when we could go out again." He said with confidence.

"I think… you should leave that to me." I answered as I got out the car.

"Like a surprise?!" he exclaimed jumping out the car.

"Yes, like a surprise." As we walked up the stairs he kept guessing what the surprise was, from a trip to the park to scuba diving. I honestly had no idea what it was. His childish actions amused me and brought a few ideas to mind. When we got inside he plopped himself on the couch and read a few texts, his face falling bit more whenever he scrolled.

"What's wrong, love?" I asked kicking off my shoes and looking over his shoulders. His face looked like a cross between frightened and delighted.

"What did you say?"

"Uhm… what's wrong?"

"No, after that."

"Uhm…love?" I said curiosity peaking. His face brightened a little and he locked his phone.

"Nothing. I just… gotta go to run a few errands today." He got up and walked to the door with me following. He opened the door and turned to me with a sneaky smile. "I can't wait for…" he trailed off trying to guess his surprise.

"Wednesday."

"Right. Where we will be…"

"Louis?"

"Yup?

"I know what you're trying to do."

"And...?"

"And it's not working." I laughed.

He sighed and looked at his feet. Feeling bad for his failed attempts, I cupped his chin and tilted it so he was looking directly at me. "If it makes you feel better, I haven't a clue where I'm going to take you." That cheered him up. He was beaming with a smile that would split his face if it were to grow. His eyes were a beautiful tint of teal. His cheeks were exploding with eagerness and his lips – oh my god – looked like candy I could just lick all day.

I leant forward meeting Louis halfway and smashed my lips onto his. He still tasted like hot chocolate, making me smile into the kiss. He began kissing back and raised his hands into my hair. Both my hands slipped down to the belt loops of his pants bringing him closer, deepening the kiss. He licked and bit at my lips pulling a moan from my mouth. I opened them a little and he almost immediately gained dominance over my whole body. His tongue pushed and swirled around mine so I pushed my tongue into his licking his lips. His clothed length pushed against mine. Before we got too heated up, he pulled back placing his hands on my shoulders. He licked his lips when he saw the string of saliva between our mouths. I couldn't help but laugh.

He smiled and slid his hands into mine. "Don't laugh. That was gross!"

I rolled my eyes."Gross enough to the point where you don't think you could handle another kiss?"

"Okay, maybe not that gross. It's just weird"

"Would you rather this?" I asked giving him a light peck on the cheek. He looked around thinking before answering.

"I liked the first one much better. A little more grinding would be nice though." He teased.

"Are you serious?" I laughed.

"Yes! Anyways… I do actually have to go." He sighed. I smiled reassuringly and gave him another kiss. Less competition but more passion this time. We pulled away and he left me with my thoughts.

_Wednesday had better come fast._

 

***

 

I was taking Louis to the amusement park. The first thing we did was ride on one of the largest roller coasters, me screaming like an infant of course. Then we stuffed our faces with ice cream, sodas, and funnel cake. Louis begged me to take him to get his face painted. He had half his face looking like a tiger and forced me to get the opposite side of my face with a butterfly. I should've denied it right then but with the face he had put on, there was no way I could resist.

After walking around and taking numerous photos we decided to ride several rides all in a row. I don't know what got into him but he was as energetic as a little bunny. When we got to the Ferris wheel by the end of the day I could sense he was about to pass out, because when we got to the top he nuzzled his face into my neck, sneaking in a few kisses.

"Thanks Haz. Today was the best day ever." he looked up at me and placed his lips on mine.  _Beautiful._

It was all so amazing. And it would've been better if it had happened. No we didn't ride any rides. We didn't stop to eat at almost every concession stand. We didn't get our faces painted. And as much as I wanted, we  **didn't** kiss on the top of the Ferris wheel.

Instead, when I go to his house it began sprinkling.  _Just makes the day all the more fun_ , I thought trying to keep my hopes up that he'll enjoy a day in the rain.

If that hadn't brought me down then seeing a sniffing Louis with a red nose sure as hell did.

"Louis are-are you ok?" I asked as I stepped in and saw several tissues across the table.

"Yeah I'm just…" he sneezed."I just got a small cold. It's okay though, com on let's go!" he sounded happy about his surprise, which made it harder to tell him,

"No, we're not going anywhere. You're sick." His smile fell a little. He scrunched up his eyebrows and failed to hold back a cough. "You're sneezing, coughing, sniffing," I held my hand up to his head. "And your burning up!" his eyes fell to the ground. "I don't think that the rain is going to help, Lou." I began tossing away all the trash after making him some tea. He sat on the couch drinking it, painfully disappointed with himself for getting sick in the first place. None the less I continued cleaning up a bit while sneaking glances at him as he began to doze off.

I put a bowl of hot soup on the table I front of him and wrapped him in one of the largest blankets I could find. "Lou," I tapped on his shoulder shaking him of his dreams. "You should probably eat this before you go to sleep." He murmured something before he shrieked at the hot touch in his mouth. I just sat there and laughed, "You should probably wait for it to cool off first."

"are woo kiting mee?" he said as he held his tongue. I thought before laughing again. "I'll take that as an 'okay'" I sighed and picked him up bridal style, blanket still wrapped around him. "What, are you gonna bathe me in steaming hot water?" he laughed as he held onto my neck.

I rolled my eyes. "No but it would be a good idea, seeing as how I would get to see you naked." I smiled cheekily.

He blushed, "Oh you'd like that wouldn't you? Hmm?" he whispered seductively into my ear. My heart fluttered a bit but when I set him on his bed, he sneezed. I remembered he was sick and the thought of having sex with him would be really odd. And probably a little gross.

He sneezed again. "How sexy, mucus and all." I kissed his forehead and frayed his hair a bit.

"Eww…just-eww. YOU KILLED IT! YOU KILLED THE MOMENT!" he exclaimed throwing his hands in the air.

"Oh it was dead when you first sneezed" I retorted. I had him change into some comfortable pajamas and brought his soup up to him. I noticed how empty his flat was. "Hey, where's Niall?" I asked as he blew on his spoon.

"He went out with Zayn. He came over looking for you while I was dropping you off and, Niall said they started chatting up a bit and planned to go to a small party together." I smiled knowing where this would end up going. I put in  _Princess and the Frog_  and laid under the blankets with Louis. He set his half eaten bowl on the table and pulled my arm around him. "You're not gonna finish that?" I asked.

"Nope." He said popping the p. "besides." He scooted closer. "I found something better to eat." He brought his head up to my neck and began pressing his lips onto my skin. I moaned as he found a tender spot on my neck. He smiled on it and continuously nibbled on it, licking it, as he moved up and smashed his lips on mine.  _He's sick. He's sick. Don’t do it._ He put his hands at my hair pulling me closer.  _Fuck it._  I ran my fingers up and down his sides, brushing against his ticklish spot, I presumed.

He began to laugh more and more as my fingers found their way under his shirt. He pulled away and turned on his back. Knowing his weakness I held him in my arms and tickled him until he flipped me over. Both of us laughing and losing our breaths, he straddled me, putting his knees on my arms.

"Let's try this again, shall we?" I nodded frantically. He bent back down and gently put his lips back on mine. He moved one hand on my cheek and the other on my neck. When he pushed his tongue through my lips and took over my mouth I smiled and moved my hands down to his bum, skipping his ticklish spot to avoid any interruptions. He began tugging at my shirt. I slid it off trying to keep as much contact with his face as possible. When I got it off he pushed lips hungrily back on mine. I dug my fingers into his hips until-

"LOOUUIIEEHHH! Pick up your PPPHHHHOOOONNE!" a very heavy Irish accent rang from Louis' phone. Niall has a way of interrupting our moments. Louis slowly brought his head up, tearing a moan from my lips. He smirked before pecking my lips and rolling over on his side to answer his phone.

"Hello?... A little, Harry's been-...….What? Are you drunk?...Well what about Zayn?...Oh really?" he turned and faced me with a an eyebrow raised. I mouthed 'what?' "...well you'd have to see for yourself…... Fine. Where are you?... okay dumbass, well be over shortly."

I didn't hear what Niall was saying but by the sound of it the he and Zayn were plastered. "Sooo…" I trailed off hoping for an explanation. "Seems like Niall has a thing for Zayn." He said with a grin and all I could think about was how Zayn and Niall would look together.

"Well? Let's go!" he skipped out of the room like we weren't in the middle of something. Sooner or later we'll pick up where we left off.

 

 

When we picked the two up they crashed as soon as they got in the car. When we dropped Zayn off back at our flat, I hesitated to take Niall back home and leave a drunk leprechaun with my sick Louis. All four of us ended up staying back. We brought them in and - not sure if this was a conscious decision - they slept up in Zayn's room. they were so hammered all they did was sleep.

Me and Louis receded back to my room and eventually we got bored. I didn't want to go any further than earlier, seeing as how he was still sick – less than before but still - so I decided to invite a friend. Louis laid on the couch with his feet hung off the arms as I called.

 _"Hello?"_  Answered a groggy voice.

"Liam! Hey me and Louis are a bit bored, so I was wondering if you wanted to come over, yeah?" I asked in anticipation.

He mumbled a few curses,  _"Harry, its nine o'clock at night and I'm sleeping!"_

"First off its eight forty-five, and please LiLi! Don't you wanna be a good friend?"

He let out a large sigh before coming up with an excuse _. "Isn’t Zayn there?"_  "Yes, but-"  _"But nothing! If I see him again I'll-"_

"Liam, he's asleep! Come on! It's not like he's gonna suddenly wake up and attack you out of nowhere. Plus he's pretty hung-over, so he'll be out cold"

He moaned ever so dramatically _. "Fine. I'm on my way. And if he wakes up with a dick on his face it's not my fault."_  Without a proper goodbye he hung up. I gave Louis a smile. "Soo?"

"He's coming over." Louis' face scrunched up a little, but in the cutest way possible. I have to admit he is rather adorable. "Okay… who is this 'he' and should I be worried about him?" I laughed and bent over the couch and gave him a light peck.

" _Liam_  is an old friend of mine. And no you shouldn't be worried." I walked over and positioned myself so I was sitting under his legs as he sat up to get a good look at me. "We used to go out school but things… we broke up." I said hoping to just get it out of the way. "And you guys are still friends?" his curiosity obvious. I nodded with a smile.

"I don't think I could bring myself to still be friends with someone after that. It'd be awkward. I guess I'm just not the one for confrontation." He said solemnly, he went into deep thought.

Not knowing what to do in this situation I brought his chin up and placed his lips on mine. He slid his tongue across my lip and just before he made his way through, I pulled away, face still in my hand. I chuckled as he groaned at the sudden loss. "Hey, think happy. I don't wanna see you down." I subconsciously began to rub his stubble. "If you wanna talk to me you can okay?"

His face seemed severely distraught for a split second but I could have imagined it. Just as quickly he put on a smile.  _Better_.

"What I would like is for you to stop being a tease." He chuckled . I pulled I'm in again and as I bit on his bottom lips he brought his hands up to caress my hair. When he began playing and twirling my hair I had the sudden urge to take over.  _I said I wasn't going to do this! He's still sick!_  I ignored my thoughts and straddled him. I pulled away for a second to breathe and dipped down to kiss his jawline. I snuck my way down to his collarbone and began biting a little.

I felt his heart beat a little faster, and jump when we heard a knock at the door. It scared me enough to make me fall over on the floor. Louis, failing to hold back his laughter, noticed me blushing. He helped me off he floor and gave me a kiss on my cheek before I opened up the door. "Liam!" I exclaimed hoping to be on his good side for waking him up. He walked passed me and trudged to the kitchen bringing out two Dr. Peppers. He sat on the couch next to Louis.

"Hi, I'm Liam" he gave Louis a drink, completely ignoring the fact that I was there. "Thanks I'm Louis." Louis laughed.

"I know." Liam had a sly smile tugging at his lips. " Harry tells you're quite the catch. In fact you're all he talks about now. And you have me to thank for getting him all dolled up for your first date. He said it was so much fun, is that right?" before I could get a word in to avoid any further discussion Louis answered.

"Actually it was! We had a lot of fun."Louis looked at me with a smile before directing his attention back to Liam. I sat on the other side of Louis as Liam continued his rant.

"Harry also tells me that you are a great kisser. He said that your first kiss was so magical he got tiny butterflies and rainbows and a bunch of romantic shit in his stomach." Liam said smiling like he just got away with murder. And, once again, before I could stop him he continued, "he said all of his wet dreams are about you and that-" "LIAM."

I gritted my teeth in anger and blushed in embarrassment. He took a long sip of his soda when Louis erupted in laughter. The fact that most of this was true, and Liam had been a really good guesser, made me blush a bit more. "I regret inviting you over now." I mumbled.

"Well you should have thought about that before you disturbed my slumber." Liam walked over to the TV and put in a movie. I could feel Louis' eyes burning into the side of my head, but I was a little afraid to look at him after what Liam could've said if I let him finish the sentence.

I walked upstairs and brought back some blankets – giving Louis the thickest and Liam the thinnest – and settled next to Louis as the screen came on. I recalled my earlier comment _. I regret ever inviting him over_. The Exorcist. I figured since I had just seen the movie not too long ago I could handle it.

I got no sleep that night.


	3. Chapter 3

"Oooooohh! IN YOUR FACE!" I heard a loud Irish cheer from outside as I knocked. "Calm the fuck down, that was only your second win in six songs." The voice got progressively louder as Louis reached the door. I stood in awe.

He was panting heavily as beads of sweat rolled off his shoulders. He wasn't wearing a shirt and his sweatpants hung awfully low off his curvy waist. His skin was glistening and most of his hair was swept back. The remaining hair suck on his forehead.  _Fuck._

"Fuck." I voiced my thoughts unknowingly, shifting in my suddenly tight pants. "Um I-I mean hi." I smiled trying to make a comeback. I gave him a peck on the lips. When I walked in I saw they had been playing Just Dance. Zayn was relaxed next to Niall talking about god knows what, but all my attention flew to Louis' bum as he bent over to pick up a water bottle from the floor. I almost immediately flipped my head to the TV so he wouldn't ~~think~~ know I was practically eye raping him.

"Hey, Harry we were gonna go out tonight. Maybe to a club or something. You're in right?" Zayn asked even though his eyes were glued onto Niall as he attempted to empty an entire bag of chips in record time.

"Um… I guess. Lou?" he sat on my lap and pulled my arms around his waist. "Sounds fun! How's about eight?" we all agreed and Zayn and Niall began another round. Louis began rocking back and forth as Sway began to play. His ass continually moved around and whenever he laughed at one the boys he jumped up and down a little, making me bite back a soft moan.

When he bounced up and down, once again, I began to kiss up his neck. "You look so fucking sexy right now Lou." I whispered, a smile rising on both our faces. "If you keep bouncing up and down like that I'm gonna have to do something about it." I said soft enough for the dancers not to hear.

"Oh, and exactly what are you gonna do?" he grinded his hips down onto my hard on. Zayn happened to notice our antics and whispered something to Niall. The giggled, but all I was focused on was how Louis kept grinding against me.

"So, um, me and Zayn are gonna go out for a bit." Niall snickered. "Yah it seems like you to need to release… some tension." Zayn budded in, laughter echoing as they walked out.

"Thank god! I thought they were never going to leave!" And just like that I turned us around so I had my knees on either side of him and literally attacked his face. I rolled my hips up at the same time he did forcing a pleasurable groan from his lips. He fisted my hair deepening the kiss. I slid my tongue past his lips easily. My hands traveled up chest and when my thumbs flicked over his nipples a few times, I felt his own hard on grow against mine. I moved my mouth to his neck and licked and kissed every inch of skin.

I flicked my tongue over a vain and moved back to admire his new bruise. I stood up bringing Louis along with me, but before I could take two steps back he had pinned me against the wall, forcing his tongue down my throat. His hands stayed in my hair so I brought mine down to his waist. My nails dug into him as I brought him closer.

"Up." He commanded. I gripped the back of his long legs as he wrapped them around me. I bit his bottom lip almost drawing blood when his foot pushed into my ass, tightly.

"Room." I was a slave to his voice and didn't give a fuck. I bit, licked, kissed, did anything just to hear his golden lust-filled voice. I walked upstairs holding his legs steadily as I kicked open the door and threw him on the bed. Before I met his lips again he pulled off my shirt in a hurry and pulled me back down to meet his face. I licked down his neck and circled his nipples as I teased the other one with my fingers and vice versa.

My lips traveled down to his pants so I quickly pulled them off along with his boxers and, oh my god, I nearly came right then. He, compared to what he looked earlier plus being naked, looked like a god.

His dick was full on hard and his chest rose and fell rapidly. He began lazily stroking himself. I slapped his hand away and replaced it with my own. "Mmm, Haz…" he moaned. His hands fisted my hair again. I parted my lips slightly and kissed and the head. He kept pushing me down, but I kept still and kept slowly stroked him. "Don't be such a fucking, gah… tease…" he complained when I lightly licked at his sensitive slit.

I grinned and took him in nearly all the way, but, damn, he was huge. I took what I couldn't get in my hand and felt him begin to tense up as his hands dug into my scalp, pulling me down for more. When I brought my head all the way back up I licked my lips and gathered all the precum up with my thumbs. I placed my lips back on Louis and kept going down in that same rhythm. I hummed and moaned around his dick as he rolled his hips into my mouth. He began to buck into my throat over and over again. My head bobbed back and forth, getting a bit more in each time.

"Harry…" he moaned softly. At one point my nose grazed his groin and I felt him tighten so I brought my head up, but not off, as he shot into my mouth. "HARRY!" he moaned a lot louder. I silenced him with a kiss letting him taste himself. His lips began to swell with passion and as our mouths moved in sync, his hands tugged off my pants. I backed up and pulled my boxers down and tossed them with the rest of our clothes.

I stood up on the bed on my knees and bent over a flaccid Louis. I knew what he really wanted. What we both  _really_  wanted. I pushed my middle two fingers passed his lips.

"Suck." I demanded. His tongue did wonders as it swirled around and claimed every crevice in them. I took them out carefully slid them into Louis. He groaned loudly and beads of sweat continually gathered at the bridge of his nose. I kept pushing farther and farther until I go to a good point. I scissored him open hoping to ease the pain and pulled them back out and circled around his fluttering entrance before shoving them back in again, prodding his prostate, and earning a good moan. I plunged my fingers in and out repeatedly until he began to bite at his lips and curse under his breath.

"Haz… I-I need… fuck… j-just fuck me." It was all I needed to hear to quickly take my fingers out and shoved my completely aroused dick into his ass. I slipped every inch in, and even though his screams said 'pain', his face said 'pleasure'. I stood still letting him adjust properly but his hands urged me to move, so move I did. I backed up until just the head was pushing in and rammed back in, feeling no remorse.

He wrapped his legs around my waist again and screamed my name. I pulled back again, but he kept thrusting, trying to get me back in. I started thrusting harder and deeper trying to hit his prostate as quick as possible. When he let out a shriek and scrunched up his reddened face, I knew I had found it and my hips rolled back into it every single time. He pulled me back down in an all too heated kiss to suppress the pain as I kept thrusting, faster each time. But the damn curls ended up screwing me over. He twirled and pulled at them at set me off.

I pulled completely out and flipped us over so he was above me. I slammed his withering body down onto mine, he screamed my name as I hit his prostate again. I held my hands on his hips to keep him balanced on my dick as he pressed his on my stomach. I began to slow down as I neared my end but he kept riding me, faster without hesitation. I let go of one hip and began pumping him furiously.

"HARRY!" "LOUIS!" We both cried out at the same time and if on cue came as well. His hips came to an immediate stop as I rode out my orgasm, leaving a piece inside of him. He fell onto me and pulled me in for another kiss, breathing heavily as we both came down from our high.

He nuzzled his head into my chest as I placed a tender kiss on his nose, lingering a bit longer than I meant to. I pulled out and moved the duvet over our already heated bodies as Louis played with a strand of my hair.

"Does this mean that we still have to go out with the boys?" he asked with a puppy dog face.

"Not if you don't want to, love." His face went blank momentarily.  _What is with him whenever I call him that?_

"Nah, I'm good here with you." Louis,  _real and happy Louis_ , responded.

 

***

 

"Niall! GET BACK HERE YOU ANUS!" yelled Zayn sprinting from the car. "Not until you unlock my phone!" we, me, Louis, Zayn, and Niall, just got back to their flat from Nando's, where Niall dared Zayn not to curse for an entire 24 hours and as a reward he would get the right to eat Niall’s specially made cake. Niall just slammed the door on Zayn's finger for taking and locking his phone with a different password, so he was in a life or death situation.

Me and Louis walked in to see Zayn sitting on Niall's back, much to Louis' amusement. We turned on the TV and those two instantly scrambled up to watch the final half of the major league soccer game. "My money's on the red team." Niall mumbled laying into Zayn's lap on the floor.

"I'm for the yellows." Zayn countered. " Whichever wins gets 50 bucks?" Niall nodded and turned back to the game.

Louis shuffled a bit so his side was tangled into mine and his head was in the crook of my neck. " My money's on the referee." he joked. Everyone echoed in laughter until the goalie got punched in the face with the ball. We laughed even more and eventually were pulled into reality as Louis' phone rang on the table.

He jumped up and, literally, bounced his way to get it. He had a short conversation with someone - I didn't bother asking – and bounced his way back to his original position. I laughed against his temple and gave him a quick kiss to the nose. "You remind me of a cute little bunny." I smiled down at him only to be met with his slowly falling face. "Love? What's wrong" I asked worried I'd said something.

"Oh, umm… I-I just… I need to go to the, um, restroom." His voice cracked a little. He untangled himself from me and scurried off behind closed doors. Niall and Zayn both shared glanced between me and each other. My face went blank and my mind was filled with terrible thoughts.

_Did I say something?_

_Does he hate me?_

_Am I bothering him?_

_Is he_ \- I stopped my thoughts before they drove me crazy and walked over to the restroom. I knocked lightly. No answer. I knocked harder. "Louis? Love, are you okay?" I heard him sobbing a little louder and threw open the door. He was sitting on the edge of the bathtub and lifted his tear covered face from his hands. I moved over to him and in one swift move I picked him up in my arms. I kicked open the door to his room and laid him in his bed. Laying next to him I held him in my arms and his crying slowed down.

After a few minutes of silence I heard him lightly snoring. I looked down to my sad little Louis, and kissed away a few of his tears before walking back out of the living room. Zayn and Niall looked at me and asked what I said that may have disappointed him. I told them that he looked a bit like a bunny when he bounced around. Zayn looked at me in confusion but Niall, he looked as if he had known something that no one else knew. I studied his face until he spoke up.

"Harry can we, um, go for a walk?" I stared at him in bewilderment and thought why he wanted to go for a walk? With me? Zayn was obviously thinking the same thing but before either of us could get a word in, Niall had already been standing at the door, waiting anxiously. I stared at Zayn in hopes that he would say something but the most he did was shrug and turn the TV to some movie.

 

***

 

We had been walking for a few minutes and Niall looked like he was in deep concentration. "Why did you want me walk with you?" I blurted. Niall's head shot up. "I… I wanted to talk to you. About Louis." We reached a park and settled on a warm bench.

"Is he okay?" I tensed up at the thought of him being hurt.

"Yeah! I mean… I guess." He looked down and just as I opened my mouth he said "Louis' past relationships have been, uh, good. Well for the most part. But there was this one guy. His name was Luke." I furrowed my eyebrows and nodded so e could just get to the point.

"Luke and Louis, there were just so amazingly happy together and just couldn't bear to be apart. They loved each other well as far as love can go. Anyways, they were going out for exactly two years. Me- the three of us got along really well and he was a really nice guy. I'd never seen Louis so hung up on someone before. One weekend they decided to go over to Luke's parents to show them their new relationship. Luke hadn't told them he was gay yet. Louis told his closest friends, but he… hadn't told his parents. Still hasn't."

He got silent and thought a little bit again. But my patience was wearing thin. "What does that have to do with a fucking bunny?" I yelled silently.

"Oh, umm, Luke used to call him 'his little bunny'. And occasionally 'love'... He used to give him little kisses on his nose and hug him from behind. I never noticed how much he made Louis happy until-… when they went to Luke's parents and told them he was gay, they kind of flipped out. Based on what they told me it was pretty harsh. I'm pretty sure it was the worst because the next time I saw Louis there were bruises on his arm and cheek. He said they threw stuff for not being ‘the way they were supposed to be’. My parents were never as horrible as that when I came out. They practically disowned him. It was just as bad for Louis. Now he's constantly afraid that when he tells his parents they'll be the same."

That made me think about how I still hadn't told much of my family either. I always thought they'd either categorized me as a 'faggot' or just be ashamed. Niall continued on.

"After a while Luke started living with Louis, and as close as they were, he also kept his distance from him. They started acting… odd around each other. Louis thought he was pissed about his parents but, it was nearing their anniversary for when they first met, and I thought I'd see enough movies to see where this was going. I told him maybe he planned on pulling out a surprise. Louis loves surprises, always has always will. I even managed to get his hopes up that he might propose. Ugh! I'm such a fucking idiot!"

I saw tears threatening to fall around his eyes as he tilted his head all the way back in frustration. I rubbed his shoulder and, even though I knew it probably wasn't going to get better, I edged him on.

"the very fucking day that Louis planned to take Luke out for a special dinner, Luke went along with it and… the bastard broke up with him right there. In the restaurant. On their anniversary! Louis came home covered in rain and tears and as he told me what happened, all I saw was red. I went over to kick the crap out of him but Louis met up with me and brought me back home. We're best friends. After that, I demanded that he stay with me so I could keep  a better eye on him. Since 6th grade we've been together, and I sure as hell was not about to let s-some dickhead let someone's opinions control his  _and_  Louis' life."

He wiped his eyes and looked at me. I felt terrible for reminding him of Luke. I feel even worse that there was nothing I could do for him. Who in the right mind would hurt someone as perfect as Louis? I let my head and eyelids sink down.

"That was over two years ago harry." My head shot up so fast I could've sworn I heard it crack.  _Two years? Louis couldn't get Luke out his head for two years?_  "You are the only one he's actually been with, relationship-wise, since then. I've been an ass to nearly anyone who posed as a threat towards Louis' love life. But you… you are amazing. I've never seen anyone bring the better side of Louis. Not once has he been depressed in the past two months that you've been dating. Or even since you first met! I knew you take better care of him than…  _him_."

Both of us began to smile as I felt my tears fall a bit. Niall pulled me into a hug and I held him just as tight hoping we could keep this good side of Louis. Seeing this 'depressed' Louis is something I just can NOT deal with.

When we pulled away I sighed, "I haven't even told him I loved him yet." Niall looked up at me and stared at me in the eyes, "He loves you. He's told me, numerous times actually." He laughed. I beamed at the thought. "Come on. We'd better get going. I don't think Zayn likes staying away from you too long."

Niall's eyes glowed for a few seconds as the topic switched to Zayn. "You know, um, do you know if Zayn is… gay? Or even bi?" Niall asked as we started off back to his flat. I remembered that night when Louis told me Niall fancied my best friend.

"Niall, you should know Zayn has a girlfriend.” I lied and seeing Niall’s face drop like a kicked puppy made me want to take it back.

“Oh. I'm sorry I-I just-”

“Really like him?” he nodded at his shoes, “Well no worries. I just wanted to see your reaction.” His face brightened immediately. “Yeah, he’s actually told me that he thinks you're rather cute yourself. He couldn’t help but stare whenever you walk by.” I smiled reassuringly getting a hard punch in the arm and another tight hug.

Niall smiled ear to ear and jumped around, cheering. He skipped home without a care in the world like the giddy little leprechaun he was.


	4. Chapter 4

"Niall! STEP AWAY FROM THE CAKE!" Louis yelled threatening to spray him with silly string. Today is Liam's birthday! Normally we would have gone out but it was raining. Hard. Plus Niall fractured his ankle and I'd hate to go anywhere without our always smiling leprechaun.

But since the little 'bunny' accident, I've grown nervous around Louis. I don't want to remind him of Luke. It's been two weeks since Niall told me and I still haven't worked up the nerve to say those three little words. Knowing what he'd been through made me feel like he might not feel the same way. Niall's word was reassuring, sure, but I don't know if things have changed.

Zayn and Niall hooked up the day after we got back so we had a little more snogging to look forward to other than Louis and mine.

Back to the party. It didn't take much to get Zayn to stay and help. Niall kissed his way to get him to at least do balloons. He popped over half of them, on purpose.

Louis and Niall made a cake. And failed. Niall took three bites of the cake  _before_  saying it was undercooked. So Louis quickly ran out to buy a cake. We had to put Niall on something else.

Niall helped me set up the rest of the night. Even though we probably weren't going to go by I, I just needed to get him out of the kitchen.

By four o'clock Liam got here. Everyone hid as I opened the door standing behind it. "3, 2, 1!" I yelled. All of the boys sprinted towards the birthday boy and covered him in silly string. Zayn, on the other hand, chucked a water balloon that hit him square in his already soaked chest.

Instead of running after him in fits of rage Liam picked up one of the dropped silly string cans and sprayed all over Zayn's face. After tackling the colored haired boy to the floor, we all engulfed them both in a hug hoping that they would stay this way the rest of the night. Hell, even Zayn couldn't help but smile a bit.

We had a bit more fun in video games and silly string before bringing out the cake. I attempted to draw Liam's face (failing horribly) in icing under 'HAPPY BIRTHDAY Liam! J'. When he blew out the cake Louis, of course, took the liberty of smashing Liam's face into it.

Niall got him a giant panda, over half his size, just to make a good first impression (which he did). Louis put in some money to take him to an amusement park. He promised to use them for me but he said he had something  _a little more fun that I might like to ride_.

Zayn walked up to give Liam his present and from behind his back he pulled… his hand. "Liam, today my birthday present to you is to not be a dick to you. But you have two choices-" "GASP!" Louis said, verbally, holding his hand to his mouth. He'd seen the two at each other's throats so this sparked an inters to him, as well me.

"Yes two choices, Louis. We can call this a truce and be… fffriends, OR I can just not be a dick to you the rest of the month. Which ends in like, less than three days."

Liam looked between Zayn and his hand and took his hand. "Truce it is then." He said with a smile. Zayn returned the favor with a smile and cut the first slice of cake.

 

***

 

As usual lots of drinking occurred and probably just as much kissing. Poor Liam. I was first to wake up in Louis' bed with my little naked angel sleeping next to me. I kissed his forehead, lingering on a little more than usual. When I pulled away Louis' eyes fluttered open slowly.

"Good Morning, lov- erm, Louis." Louis smiled at pulled me closer finding more warmth. He kissed my chest and found his way up to my lips. This one kiss hadn't been desperate or greedy. It was one of the simplest kisses we've shared. None the less it still made sparks fly. When he pulled away I sighed, looking into his blue eyes that made me go weak. I ran my fingers over his soft shoulders that led to his plump, pink lips that I've kissed - I don't know how many times. He was beautiful.

Then before I knew I muttered, "I love you." My eyes shut tightly and I mentally slapped myself for saying it. I expected for him  to giggle in my face or just ignore me, but he didn’t.

Before I opened my eyes, I felt Louis' lips pressed against mine. He slipped his tongue in easily and licked around my mouth. He rolled us over so he was straddling me and pulled away, “I love you too, Haz." He bent down to kiss my cheek. "So much."

He sat up and the fact that he loved me back gave me the courage to ask him, "Why did you run off when I called you a bunny, Lou? If you don't mind me asking. I-I mean you don't have to tell me about I'd like to know." I was hesitant to add the 'you don't have to part'. Niall already told me and there was no reason not to believe him but I wanted to hear it from Louis' soft, kiss swollen, sweet lips.

Louis' face faltered a little and he looked anywhere but me. I sat up and cupped his chin. "if you don't want to talk about it then I understand. Um, Niall already told me. I just thought it might make a difference if… it came from you." Louis' face went blank. Emotionless. Either that or all emotions at once, but soon enough, he began crying into my chest.

I rubbed circles around his neck and back until he went back to sleep. I learned it from my mum. It helps with pets and children. Men too I guess. I hoped that I didn't have to go downstairs naked to find my clothes since none of Louis' fit me. Luckily, I found my clothes to the side of the bed and picked up a few beer cans while I was down there.

 

***

 

I woke up, once again, with a naked Louis naked Louis clinging to my side. Luckily I wasn't drunk so I could remember everything that happened last night.

I didn’t let Louis’ little fit with his past settle in my mind for too long. He seemed happiest when he wasn’t thinking about it, therefore, it was never spoken of.

Things couldn't have been better since we said that we loved each other, and personally I hope it stays this way. And I'm pretty sure Louis feels the sa-

"BOO!" Louis screeched in my face managing to scare me out of my thoughts, off the bed, and onto the floor.

"HOLY MOTHERFUCKING SHIT! WHAT THE FUCK LOUIS?!" I yelled at the top of my lungs.

Louis, being the most appreciable boyfriend in the world, clenched his sides in laughter. The cool breeze hit my skin ad as my member began to get stiff, Louis only laughed harder. I launched at him and pushed him off the bed. I couldn't help myself from laughing at his face when he sat up. I pulled him up so he was lying in front of me. He rolled over and continued laughing. As we calmed down he looked me in the eyes like he was looking into me.

"Love you Lou-Boo." I smiled. He repeated the words right back. I leant down to kiss him before getting up to get my clothes from his closet.

Spending the night at each other's flat became an almost daily routine between me and Louis and Niall and Zayn so we rarely were stuck with the same clothes for the night.

After we got dressed I looked at the clock and realized that if I didn't leave in the next five minutes I'd be 45 minutes late for work.  _Shit._

"Hey Louis, do you think you could give me a ride to work this morning? I'm already kind of late, and walking wouldn't really help in that situation." As expected Louis nodded and brightened immensely at the thought that came into his mind.

"Why don't you move in?" my eyes widened at the thought.  _Move in? aren't we moving a little too fast? We've only been dating for almost four months_. I voiced my thoughts and asked him if he was sure.

"Of course I'm sure! I really love you Harry. Plus if we moved in together then that means Niall and Zayn could move in together. Sure they've been dating for only a few weeks but I'm pretty sure they'd love the extra time together."

I looked at his face and knew that this would be the best thing for us. It only means I could make him that much more welcomed in my life. "I guess we’re flat mates then!" I exclaimed running over cradle Louis in my arms and give him a hug to the best my abilities. He screeched and peppered my face with kisses. "You do know that means that this place is our fuck nest now right?"

"Does that include the shower?" he asked anxiously.

"Anything you want, l-Lou."

 

***

 

Luckily since I work just under my mother I got slap on the wrist for being over half an hour late. This morning made it impossible to bring my mood down. Until Liam and Zayn decided to show up.

They've been getting along quite well a bit too quickly for anyone to not notice. But that's just the way they are. When Zayn gives you his word, he keeps it. Even if its someone he'd been jackass to for years. I guess the fact that Liam is  _usually_  a naturally forgiving person had a play in it.

"HARRY!" My black-haired, dumbass friend blurted throughout the bakery with Liam and some unknown person following.

"Guys shut up! It may be noon but my mom has a headache, so it's probably best if you don't get on her bad side."

"Sorry. Harry!" Zayn yelled in a hushed voice. With the silliest smirk on his face.

"Sorry about him mate. He and Niall got it on last night  _and_  this morning. And I guess he's just showing off." Liam explained, looking over the menu. His friend walked into the direction of the bathroom as Zayn cheered about his sex life.

"Fuck yes! I love our little leprechaun but sometimes he's just so freaking… sexy is as far as I'm going to go for today." Zayn bit his lip looking off into a daze.

"Oh, speaking of such, me and Niall are switching!" I saw their confused faces and knew I had to explain. "I'm gonna move in with Louis and Niall's gonna move in with you. Me and Louis talked about it a bit this morning and thought it would be for the best." I smiled and handed them a lolly from a bowl at the counter. Zayn's mouth dropped and I wasn't sure whether he was pissed or stunned.

"Th-that sounds…um, me and Niall? Living together? Wouldn't we be moving a little too fast?"

That's exactly what I thought, but Louis wants me to move in with him and that would only work if Niall was gone. Sooo…" I trailed off. I really did want to move in with Louis and I was hoping Zayn would feel the same.

"Plus," Liam chimed in. "Wouldn't you two like to be a little closer for your snog fests?" Zayn blushed and finally gave in.

We cheered and it wasn't until I notice that he walked back up to us, that they haven't introduced me to their friend.

"Oh, Harry, this my boyfriend. We met last month at that bar you refused to come to." He put his arm around his shoulder and smiled. "His name is  _Luke_."

_Out of all people, Luke?_

"Luke? Is it?" I asked trying to cover my pure anger with pure friendliness.

_The one that broke Louis' heart? Made him cry whenever I said one simple word? The guy who chose to make his 'lover' pour his tears just because he didn't like the fact that his parents didn't like him? I mean- who does that?! Louis isn't some ragdoll you can just hold to your heart and then toss like a rock. He is a porcelain doll and deserves the fucking best. Not some asshole like this Luke._

"Yup!" he really didn't seem all that mean. I don't want to take him as some heartbreaker, and I didn’t want to come off as some huge douche, so I took it all in – even though my mind was telling me to beat the shit outta him.

He seemed rather built but not hefty. His eyes were a deep brown and had a sort of serious face. But a face that seemed like he was the kind of person you could mess around with. His windswept hair was smoothed over to one side of his head from his face. Something about his smile though made me rethink him. He smiled like you would to a freshly baked cookie. It could be some other Luke. There's thousands of them. All-around he looked like a nice guy. And he was.

Towards the end of my shift, which usually ends up being an extra beak, we all sat down and enjoyed the rest of the day. we juggled a few snacks and managed to burst three bottles of water and orange juice. Luke helped clean instead of sitting and watching like Liam and Zayn did while making napkin air planes. we poured yogurt down Zayn's back and goofed off continuously, much to our pleasure. I did eventually pay for all the damages by the end of the day.

 _This_  Luke seemed way too nice to be  _that_  Luke. All my earlier thoughts pushed to the back of my head as we planned to meet up – the six of us – at a club a few days later and I was  _just_  barely lucky enough to sleep another night without a care in the world.

_Just barely._

 

***

 

"Louis, hurry up! We're gonna miss them if you take all night!" I yelled through his-  _our_  flat. We haven't really started packing my stuff yet but I tried to get used to living here as much as possible.

"Shut up! I'm just finishing my hair!" Sometimes it was just too easy to notice the gay in him. He peeked through the hallway at me as I checked a few texts at the kitchen table.

"How do I look?" he walked up to me wearing a white short-sleeve button up and black suspenders. His skinny caramel jeans fit his arse perfectly. His hair was patted down but still wild as ever.

"Sexy, as always." I pulled him into my lap and sprinkled little kisses over his neck. "Come on, Liam's already there with his boyfriend."

"Boyfriend?! Do I know him?"  _I hope not._

"Uhm, I don't think so. His name is-"

"LOUIEHH! Pick up your PPHHHOOONE!" I was interrupted by Niall's obnoxious ring tone. Louis flinched and picked up his phone reading over a text. I have no idea why he put it like that for calls  _and_  texts.

"You should really change that, you know." I suggested.

"I know. But he locked it so I wouldn't be able to change it." He scoffed and put his phone in his pocket "Niall wants me to talk to Zayn about eating the rest of his twenty dollar meal from Nando's." he jumped up and tugged at my arm.

"Come on! We're gonna miss them if you take all night!" he threw my words right back at me.

 

***

 

When we got in, it seemed like there was no intelligence anywhere. Zayn told me this was the right place to go if you wanted to get drunk. It didn't seem like Liam's type of place but none the less we enjoyed our selves. We wandered around looking for the boys for a few minutes.

"Found Niall and Zayn!" Louis yelled in my ear over the blaring Ed Sheeran music. The flashing lights all over the lights didn't help my vision but when Louis pulled me to the bar,  _of course_ , I met a huggable Niall. Zayn was stumbling on stage singing some random song with a touch of drunk of in his voice.

"Mate wee've been waiting here for almost hhaalff an hoouurr! Ha-have you seen Leyum yet?" Niall slurred over almost every single letter and hiccupped. Zayn being drunk, I could understand. But I could’ve sworn that it took over 45 minutes for him to get this plastered.

"LEEYYUUUMM!" Zayn yelled into the microphone. I directed my attention to Liam and Luke sitting at a booth waving to the drunk singer.

"Babe I'm gonna head to the restroom, kay?" Louis shouted and slipped his way through the drunks grinding on each other.  _They must be enjoying themselves_. I thought as I ordered only my third drink of the night.

I skipped my way over to the two while Niall skipped back to the bar and ordered several more rounds of very some strong alcohol.

"I'll be drunk again, to feel a little love!" Liam and Luke sang along with the rest of the crowd. Liam squeezed his face into Luke's neck and had probably been drinking. "Heeyy Haazzzzaa!" Luke on the other didn't seem nearly as drunk as him.

"Excuse him, he's been drinking. A lot." He laughed. Don't get me wrong I was still very concerned about him but focused on how Niall would react.

"Speak of the devil." I mumbled to myself as Zayn carried Niall on his back, heading our way.

All thoughts went insane as Niall's face enraged at the sight of Luke.

 _Fuckfuckfu_ -

"Nia-"

"YOU ASSHOLE!"

Luke didn't even saying his name as Niall launched his fist towards Luke's jaw, managing to knock him out of the booth.

"Niall, WHAT THE FUCK?!" Liam shouted trying to pick Luke off the floor.

"WHAT THE BLOODY HELL DO YOU THINK YOU'RE DOING HERE?!" Niall chucked himself at Luke and, just as he kicked the poor bastard square in the face, Zayn took hold of his stomach and carried him to the other side of the booth. "LET. ME. THE FUCK. GO!"

This angered side of Niall was something very new to me. He flung his legs and arms everywhere trying to get out of Zayn's strong grasp. I stood there knowing that this was the farthest thing from a misunderstanding.

"Luke?"

His small voice, barely audible, stood out from Niall's yells, Liam's cries, and the drunken screams from the crowds.  _Louis_. I rushed over to him and took his hands into mine. His gaze switched between mine, Niall's and Luke. At one point his eyes turned into rivers. I embraced him into my arms, whispering sweet nothings into his ears.

Niall stopped yelling and I saw Liam helping Luke back up. I ignored all signs to help Niall kick his ass and interrogate Luke about how he dared come back into Louis' life, but I knew Louis would hate to see me as pissed off as I already was. I hated how Luke managed to bring out the worst in Niall, the happiest guy I know. I hated myself for even considering the fact that Luke may be a 'good guy'. I kissed as many of Louis' tears away as I could, but they just kept coming. I scooped him in my arms, in complete failure ,and ran to the nearest exit. To the nearest taxi. To some place out of that hellhole that Louis must've been in at that second.


	5. Chapter 5

"Louis?" I called quietly. He was curled into a ball under three blankets. He kept shaking so I wanted to be sure he was comfortable.

"Mhm?" Luke must've really pushed a button in Louis. All traces of my happy, energetic, Louis; all signs of that laughable, loving, glowing with peace; all of him. He was gone. I'd hate myself forever if I had ever done something like that to him.

"Um, I have some apple and cinnamon tea for you." I chose my words carefully and stepped around to set it on the table he was facing.

"Thank you." His voice cracked in every letter. I sat cross-legged behind him and rubbed circles in his back. The silence was unbearable. I found myself stopping up by his neck just to get a pulse. Just to make sure Luke hadn't taken his life from him.

Finally he turned over and faced me. "Are you okay?"  _Of course he's not okay, dumbass_. He nodded slowly.

"Harry?"

"Mhm?"

"Would you mind, uh, laying with me?" Without hesitation I crept under the blankets and wrapped my hands, softly, on his waist, rubbing circles with my thumb again.

He scooted closer so his nose was barely an inch from mine. "Why do you do that?" I flinched a little hoping I didn't remind him of Luke.

"Rub circles on you?" he nodded. "I guess it just makes me feel less alone really. It lets me know your still here… with me." He smiled a little and warmed up as I continued. "I used to have a cat and I would rub circles on her neck. It's just… calming. For me and the person I'm, uh, circling, I guess… do you want me to stop?"

I pulled my hand away only to be caught by his firm grasp. "No! Please don't. I like it. It kind of lets me know your still here… with me too."

I smiled bright and got a really soft chuckle from him.  _At least I know I'm doing something right_. He sighed and rested his head on my chest. I knew we couldn't just avoid every bad thing that happens, and that our little moment would fade.

"Do you want to talk about it? Or us?... or  _him_ …" I trailed off and we both visibly tensed at the word.

His answer though was as slow as the single tear that he shed. "We'll have to eventually."

 

 

I was prepared for the worst but the more he said the more emotion filled my mind.  _Anger. Revenge. Frustration. Guilt_. I wished that I never had asked him.

"What exactly did Niall tell you?" He avoided my eyes.

"Just that you and Lu-  _him_  were really happy together. Then you guys went to meet his parents. They weren't too happy and after a while you… you split."

"Is that it?"

"Pretty much. He said I was the first person you've been with since then… was it really two years ago?" I felt the need to ask just because he didn't seem like the kind of person to just give up for such a long period of time. He nodded and traced one of my tattoos with his finger.

"I can trust you. Right, Harry?"

I was truly hurt that he would ask that. He should've know that he could always trust me. I looked down and set his eyes onto mine. "Of course." He smiled as I said something he'd always remember. " _Forever and always_."

His eyebrows furrowed as I gave him a moment to gather his thoughts. "I haven't told Niall this and I'm surprised at how oblivious he can be. Luke, he was a really great person to be around. But he just had… these issues."

He looked around nervously until he landed on my eyes. Like I said, I was prepared for the worst. But suddenly I was in unfamiliar territory.

"He um, he hit me." I was beyond shocked. I never knew anyone that acted like him to get physical in a way that would make you want to go crazy. I became infuriated and filled with guilt at the same time.

"H-he hit… like…" I couldn't even use a complete sentence. "Why?"

"I don't know Harry! That's just it. He would be happy one second and then pissed another." His voice began loud but softened as he recalled a memory.

"About three weeks into our relationship, we went to the park. We were on the swings and I bet him a twenty that I'd be able to jump off farther than him. I jumped almost 10 feet when I got to the highest point without a scratch. He jumped but not as far as me. I guess I was sort of a sore winner because when I said 'looks like a certain loser owes a certain winner twenty', he sort of lost it. He pushed me on the ground and threw a stick at me. A bunch of sticks. One of them had a piece of glass on it and cut me." He pointed to a fairly faded cut on his upper arm covered by an inked star. It must've been a large piece of glass. "When I showed it to him he just said 'suck it up'." He sighed heavily and I pulled him back, a little closer this time.

"We did talk, or argue, about it, but only for a short time. The next morning, he made me the best breakfast he'd ever made me. I could really deny it because the rest of the morning we relaxed and got closer. I couldn't get over how insanely amazing he could be at times. I didn't think I'd find someone like him. I'm kind of useless as you can probably see." He made gestured at himself in general and all I could do was shake my head and tighten my grip.

"I was more careful about what I said around him, but his anger just kept showing up more frequently each time. I remember when I was making popcorn for a scary movie. This was the second bowl because I burnt the first bowl and he said he hates burnt popcorn. Even thought barely half of the bowl was burnt, I figured 'neither do I' and made another. We were sitting at the scariest part and I flipped over the bowl. He said I was clumsy and I told him to shut up. I thought we were joking but he didn't think I was. He pushed me onto my back and punched me. Really hard."

I wiped away one of his tears and placed my lips on his temple, lingering for several seconds longer than usual.

"This went on for months. He'd be happy, id say something, and he'd turn into someone else. Someone I often wished I never knew. One time we were at that same park. No matter how many times I told myself to just leave him there, to just break up with him, I stayed. The park was filled with kids and mothers that day so I thought I was safe. I thought he'd never hurt me in a public place. I went to use the restroom after I had laughed at him when he got stuck on the slides made for preschoolers. I didn't think he'd take it to heart but he did. He came in as I washed my hands and as soon as the last person walked out, he kicked me in the crotch and knocked my back into the dryer. I fell and he started jabbing his foot into my sides."

I bit my lip and sustained my silence as I watched the water pour from his eyes, until he looked at me and wiped away one of my own tears. I didn't even realize I was crying. "Why- why didn't Niall suspect anything?" I was sure that there was no way that he couldn't have noticed something like this.

"He did, but I assured him that nothing was wrong. The three of us lived separately then so I had time to conceal my marks with makeup and heal before anyone noticed. Niall was one of those people that would be extremely happy and have not a care in the world. It would kill me to see him upset, so I lied to him. I couldn't tell him. I couldn't tell anyone. Once we got to his parents house to.. confess, I guess, yeah they were mad. But they didn’t dare lay a finger on either of us. They called us a bunch of hateful words and yelled a lot but it was no better than when me and Luke started living together.”

I looked over to his shoulder again and asked, “You two decided to live together?”

Louis scoffed, “God no. He practically moved in without telling me. Leaving his stuff with me, sleeping over for over a week; It seemed like a nice thought at first but he just took his anger out on me. Saying that I was the reason that his parents rejected him. I just never got the balls to tell him that it wasn’t anyone’s fault but their own. I'm not even sure if I did love him. For every bruise he gave me either a dollar or a kiss to ‘make up for it’. When we, um, went to the store one time, I moved the cart while he was in front. I was looking at some cookies and accidentally hit his ankle. He got a tripped and fell. The next day I got twenty dollars and fourteen kisses.”

I remained quiet as he wiped his eyes and continued, “and when we did break up, it was because his dad called. He wanted Luke to pick up his crap from their house. On our anniversary I didn’t take him out to eat. I took him to see a movie to avoid another fit, but he just moped around. Towards the middle of the movie he went to the bathroom and texted me ‘we’re done. You're not worth it any more’ and I just… I was so happy but in shock that I wasn’t even good enough to use as a punching bag and…I-I just… couldn’t-”

He sobbed loudly into my chest as I held him impossibly closer. He started saying hurtful things: 'what is wrong with me', 'I'm so stupid', ‘no one could ever love me'. That was just too much for me. I pulled him away and brought him up to eye level with me.

"Louis, you cannot say that to yourself. Do you know how that makes me feel? I have told you numerous times, and I'll tell you again," I wiped away his tear stained face with the palm of my large hands and cupped his face with one as the other held tightly onto his back.

"I love you, Louis Tomlinson. Don't ever think that no one loves you. I do. Your family does. Me and the boys love you, Louis. If you were to die today I would go ballistic. I'd probab-"

I was interrupted by his soft, salty lips on mine. I opened my mouth letting him slip right in. I pushed my way into his mouth and as our mouths moved in synch, his arms wrapped around my neck. When he pulled away, he whispered, "I'm sorry. I love you too, Harry. More than anything." He placed his forehead on mine and said,

" _Forever and always_."

 

***

 

" _Harry._ " The soft voice of an angel with Louis face blurred as he smoothed his hand over my face. " _Harry, get up._ " His voice was so light and nice. There was a bright light above his head. Even though he probably needed me, I was so tired.

 _"But I don't wanna get up._ " I whined, pulling the covers up to my chin.

" _Harry._ " His voice became stern and a little deeper. " _Harry get up._ " The light above him flickered on and off.

" _Wha- but why?"_

I felt a hand tap at my face and bring me back to life. "Harry, if you don't get up now, I'm going to find the coldest blocks of ice and shove it down your shirt then dump It down your pants." Suddenly that angelic voice sounded a lot like a pissed off Liam.

"Hmf, what- what is it… Liam?" I blinked my eyes several times to adjust to the light in my face. I sat up, a little too quickly, and held the bridge of my nose to stop the pressure in my brain. I took a long look at Liam's face with black smudges all over it.

"I got up to use the bathroom and tripped over Zayn's leg. Tried to turn on the lights and-" he looked around and gestured to the complete darkness we were in. "Power's out."  _What the fuck?_

I asked Liam of this and in response, I got, "well you, Louis, Zayn, and Niall got shitfaced last night so I had to come and pick you guys up. I have no idea what happened but within the next hour all of you passed out and I decided to be a great friend and make sure you dumbasses didn't get each other killed by staying the night." Sarcasm rolled off his tongue in a slightly harsh way.

 _Someone's in a pissy mood._  "Okaayy, the, um, light-turner-on-er-thingy, it's in the dining room, next to the closet with the jackets, I think." As he left I heard the sound of a few lights switch on and off. Just as I got back into my comfortable sleeping position, Liam came back with the flashlight flashing in my face.

"it's not working." Sighed heavily and chewed on the inside of his cheeks and tapped his fingers on the table beside me. 

 

***

 

_"But LLOOOUUUIIIIISS! I'm BOOORREEDD!" I whined._

_"I know. Why don't you go out with Niall, or Liam, or Zayn. It's not like I'm gonna be much fun." He muttered. I put up the groceries and moved my way around the somewhat unpacked boxes. Ever since our little talk he's been putting himself down. I don't know why, though. I promised not to tell anyone else and since Niall was drunk, we didn't necessarily need an excuse for the fight. I think the fact that he had to talk about it brought up some unwanted feelings. Before he got a chance to lay down on the couch I scooped him up in my arms and put him back on his feet at the bottom of the steps outside our flat._

_"Where are we going?" I smirked and looked back at him as we walked down the street, "Out."_

_When we got to Niall and Zayn's flat they both were panting and had clothes splayed on the floor. "are we interrupting something?" Niall launched a few shirts at the back of Zayn's head._

_"Not at all, you just helped me lose a game of tug of war with my favorite hoodie that's all," he laughed. "what is it? what's up with Louis?" he nodded to Louis who was sitting on the steps, tossing a few rocks down. I lowered my voice, "he's been in a bit of an off mood lately and I was wondering if you maybe wanted to do something."_

_" Nothing a good drink can't fix!" Niall piped in and lunged out the doorway. "Come on!" Honestly, I didn't think anything could fix Louis right now, but I was willing to do anything as long as my Boobear was happy._

_"Fine." I shrugged and helped Louis on his feet. He stayed by my side the whole walk there – I didn't like the thought of driving to and from the pub with three drunks – I kept my hand in his and as we sat in front of the bar, his face brightened as Niall passed a beer his way. I just wanted him to keep that smile._

_After a good three hours of incessant drinking, the bartender began fuming as Niall inhaled forty more beers. Louis and I weren't helping his case. Zayn even got the rest of the bar hyped up to see how long he could go without puking._

_"you lads need to either quit drinking, or leave. You're clearing me out!" he was an average hefty, slightly balding bartender. And I couldn't help myself, I was drunk._

_"look here baldy, me and the…um th-the boys will be out as soon as Niall here finishes bottle numberrr- HEY ZEN!" I shouted. "YEAH?" "WHAT IS HE AT NOW? FORTY SEVEN?" Louis continued to pass the beers along, taking a few himself, "HE'S AT FIFTY SIX, MATE!" I gave a large whoop and turned back to 'baldy', "We'll be out in a bit, no need to getcha panties in a…a twist." I hiccupped and took out my phone._

_"Hello?"_

_"Hey LLEEEYYUUMMM."_

_"Dammit Harry, what is up with you and calling me in the middle of the night?"_

_"No need to shout… Li. Um... shit what was it- oh umm… ya me and the boys need a ride back home. We're at that pub next to the tattoo parlor. You think you're up for the… the task?" Fucking hiccups._

_"Ugh, why don't you walk? Its eleven thirty."_

_"Are you trying to get us … killed? You know this city isn't safe at… night."_

_"I. hate. You."_

_"I love you too LiLi."_

_He laughed and I knew I was in the clear, "I'm on my way, dumbass. Later."_

_Twenty minutes later, the five of us stumbled back into me and Louis' flat. Liam couldn't handle another ride with Zayn and Niall snogging in the background. Liam walked up to wash the vodka off his face – Niall didn't appreciate him taking away his sixty eighth beer. Zayn crashed on the oversized beanbag chair while Louis and Niall went into the kitchen. Niall, of course, came out with the last of the chips and Louis came out with three bottles._

_"Hey, Haz. Howw much you wanna-wanna bet that I can juggle threeee beeers at once?" he slurred. I laughed at his antics and put on the Hangover part two. How ironic._

_"How much… you wanna bet that…all three of those bottles are gonna break as soon as you let go?" I took one of them and watched him stumble a few times before flipping one behind him and at the electric box. Niall cackled as Louis scrambled to find the biggest piece and hold it up as proof that he 'juggled'. "Nice one mate."_

_"Shut up." He laid his legs over my lap and rested his back on the arm of the chair. The lights flickered on and off a few times but not completely off. Liam trudged downstairs and headed towards the door. "hey, Li, where do you think you're going? The nights not over yet!" Louis whisper/shouted over the movie. "yeah a beer… won't hurt."_

_"You hiccup funny Haz." Niall took a break from stuffing his face, "you sound like a four year old."_

_"He does doesn't he?" Liam questioned. Louis put out his hand holding a drink, and Liam took it. "Fine, but after the movie I'm gonna go. Kay?" Just because he said it didn't mean anything. He was always tired so after the movie ended he had already passed out._ We managed to draw in a mustache, unibrow and dimples – Louis said any ugly person could be fixed with dimples (I asked if I was ugly and he said they make me all the more cuter). _Niall fell asleep around the same time with crumbs all over himself and just as the movie ended I saw Louis' eyes flutter open._

_"C'mon, Lou. We should… probably go to sleep." I shook him and pulled him close._

_"you do hiccup like a four year old." He muttered as he wrapped him arms around my neck. I held him, legs around my waist and heaved him into bed._

_He wouldn't let go so I laid next to him and pressed a few kisses to his neck. He giggled as I licked over a soft spot. His giggle couldn't be any cuter – especially drunk. I brought my head up and placed my lips on his. His hands went up to tease at my hair and I parted my lips to let him get in. he licked my lips and pushed his tongue at my cheeks. I tried to gain dominance but was losing so I bit his tongue._

_"Ow! Wha-what the hell?" he slithered back a few centimeters away from my nose._

_"I just won." At least my hiccups were gone. I kissed his cheek and he giggled again._

_"No, you just cheated." He kissed mine in return._

_"Same difference." I muttered as I snuck my face into the crook of his neck, nibbling at the soft spot this time. He groaned and turned to straddle me. "Haz…" he smashed his lips onto mine. Our mouths moved together in a sloppy, heated motion. He bit my lips several times, making me groan, wanting more. I moved my hands onto his bum as he put one on my waist and one on my shoulder. He quickly undid my belt and pushed my pants down, trying to keep contact as much as possible. He leaned up and I whined, but leaned up as well as he tore both of our shirts off. He kissed up and down my neck, moving lower to my chest. His hands slipped past my waistband up pulled my boxers off, letting my rising member spring to life._

_"Shit Haz…" he took a hold of it and moved his fingers up and down, brushing against the head a few times. He lowered his head until he was breathing lightly on it, and licked the slit a little._

_"Don't be a tease, Lou." He looked up and moved up to my face. "Then don't be so easy to tease." He whispered before pecking my lips, hands still moving up and down. Just as I parted my lips again, he went back down to my hard-on. Before I could blink, he shoved my whole length into his mouth, not caring how deep he could go. His lips were an inch away from the base until he pulled back out to the tip and going back down, squeezing my dick lightly. He pulled back again and looked at me through hooded eyes and licked the sides of my member. I bit my lip and looked at how concentrated he was on satisfying me. He went back down on me again and again. Going faster and deeper each time. At one point he was able to go all the way down and I felt the heat rise in my chest as I hit the back of his throat. He pulled up and stroked it six more times before letting go completely. I whined again._

_"Don't worry babe. I just need to get rid of some unnecessary layers," he stood up and tore off his pants, along with his boxers. He stumbled a bit as he climbed over me, lips hovering over mine, "is that ok with you?" I nodded furiously as I felt his dick pressing against mine. Something about Louis being drunk just made him more vulnerably lustful, and I loved it._

_He smirked and smashed his lips on mine again, relishing in my taste as I did the same. Suddenly, without warning, I felt a cold wet finger push into my hole. I breathed a 'fuck' onto his lips as he went slowly farther. He laughed into my mouth and swirled his tongue around mine. I began adjusting to his fingers as he pulled out and went back in at the same slow rhythm, until he put in two more fucking fingers._

_"Fuck..Lou,” I moaned loudly. He pulled out and turned me over so I was laying on my stomach. He spread me apart slightly, and licked a stripe over my entrance. I began to shudder when he prodded just inside. Along with his slick, wiggling tongue he added a finger. At the same time he pushed them both into me and sped up as the seconds passed. I pushed my hips up as he grazed my prostate with a second finger and moaned through gritted teeth, "Louis please… want your cock,"_

_He pulled away and I felt his slightly heavier breath ghost up my spine. His warmth surrounded me as he whispered into my ear, "Anything you want, love."_

_"Looouuuiiis!" I moaned his name louder than I expected as he slammed himself into my backside. The fact that he refused to actually warn me irritated me, but he always managed to make up for it. He rolled his hips up, trying to go deeper. His nails squeezed my waist as he pulled out just to slam back in. I held in my screams and began biting my lips to the point where I began to draw blood._

_"Fuck… Harry… ungh…" I could tell he was trying his hardest to keep a steady rhythm, but when he began to pull back out again I brought myself back with him, trying to keep him inside of me. "We… fuck... we can't do this right if you won't let me move back, babe." He laughed and kissed the back of my shoulder to relieve the pain that was being covered with pleasure._

_When I finally did let him move back out he slid in and out easily and began teasing me. He pulled all the way out and pushed just the tip in. I tried not to turn around and slap him but he beat me to it and snapped his hips forward, pushing, almost through, my prostate._

_"UNNGGHH, LOUIS!" fuck being quiet. I was screaming his name and moaning repeatedly as he continuously hit my prostate every time he moved forward, faster and faster._

_Every._

_Fucking._

_Time._

_He brought my bum, and his hips, up so we were both on my knees – my arms wouldn't be able to keep me up so I laid face flat on the bed. In this position he was able to get a better view of my tensing back and a better angle to tear me in half. I felt him twitch a little. He thrusted, harder than ever, three more times, until I felt him spill inside of me._

_"MMMHARRY!" he slowed his pace and rode out his orgasm and felt me tense around him. Before I could get a word in, he pulled out completely, had me flipped on my back again, and his lips wrapped around my length. He pumped his fist a few times, and sucked hard as I unraveled into his mouth. I shouted his name and sighed heavily as I stared up under my closed eyelids. I dragged my hand over my face as I caught my breath. Louis continued kissing up to my neck, leaving love bites here and there, and pecked my lips. We tugged at each other's lips and lapped at each other's tongues messily. He moved back, and laid on his side with his arms around my sides. I rested my head on his chest and slowly fell asleep with the last image in my mind: that big goofy smile plastered on his face._

 

 

"HEELLLOOO? Earth to Harry!" Liam waved the bright flashlight in my eyes, making me blink a few times to adjust to the sudden brightness. "Oh, yeah um, sorry. I was just, thinking."

"did you think of why the sudden power outage? It's not storming or anything." I chuckled, remembering exactly why the lights went out. "Fine! Don't tell me!" he rushed out to the door. "Where are you going?" Before he got a chance to close the door he answered, "Home. Tell Niall and Zayn that they could find their own way back." As he left I chuckled again at the Sharpie smeared all over his face.

_What a shame I didn't take I picture._

I curled back into my original position with my arms wrapped around Louis' sides.


	6. Chapter 6

I walked into the entrance of Barnes and Noble and headed straight to the café vendor. I got a coffee (10% coffee, 40% cream, 50% chocolate). I noticed Louis at his usual counter, in his usual uniform, with his head in his hands. I skipped my way over and greeted him with a quick kiss. "is that coffee?"

"Yup." I took a long sip and eyed him down until I realized that he wanted some. "Thank you. I have a huge headache and the fact that almost half of these people decided not to show up today isn't helping."

"That's what you get for coming home drunk in the middle of the night." I smirked and thumbed the book s to the side. This was the twelfth time in the past three weeks he'd gotten insanely drunk and not do anything about it in the morning. The first time, me and the other boys had persuaded him just because he was being moody but I expected him to have more control over this. None the less, he was a much funnier drunk.

"Well it's not my fault that alcohol makes your brain smile." He grinned and took another long sip. I chuckled and rolled my eyes. "Anyways… do you think you could help me out? I need to take a bunch of books back in the fiction area. They're really heavy and I think someone as  _strong_  as you would be fit for the job."

He pouted and gave me puppy eyes. "Kay. But you're doing most of the work. I just came by to visit, not to do your job for you."

"Yay! They're just around the corner. I'll show you to the back." He skipped around and passed seven thick books over the counter. I cradled them in my arms and watched as Louis did the same but with eight thin children's books that he could hold in one arm.

"Hey, I thought you were going to do most of the work."

"I am, I've got eight and you've got seven. Perfectly fair." When we made it to nearly empty aisle and settled the books in their respective places, Louis did a double take at a water bottle, mostly drunken, with some orange/brown liquid. "so that's where I left it! Silly me." He took a swallow and held it out towards me.

"What is it?"

He swallowed and looked at the contents before tossing it at my chest, "Juice. Apple."

I unscrewed the top and was hit with a strong smell of alcohol. "No its not," I had a taste and grimaced at the familiar taste. "its whiskey!" he shushed me and walked past me back to the board game section.

"No need to yell, people don't appreciate their workers being so loud." I huffed and caught backup.

"I also don't think they like their workers drunk. At ten thirty? Really?"

"What? I couldn't wait until lunch." He joked and picked up a pile of board games stacked like Janga on the floor. We settled on the lounge chairs next to each other. "Why did you bring this to work?"

"'Cos, I was having an off morning." He'd used this excuse one too many times. I understood that he couldn't be completely happy by himself with the thought of Luke lurking around in his mind, but whenever he was having an 'off morning' he'd resort to alcohol. I told him that he could talk to me, and he knew he could, but I never dared to push his limits. I didn't want to break him anymore.

"Louis, as much as I hate to see you in pain, I don't want to see you hurting yourself either." I lowered my voice to a whisper so he could see how serious I was. That damned whiskey must've gotten to him first, though.

"Haz, I-I'm fine! Stop worrying. I'm okay." He looked me in the eye with an unmistakably happy smile. I didn't want to bring him down when he was at his highest so I stooped to tossing the bottle in the waste bucket beside him. "I gotta go pick up Zayn from his sister's place." I sighed in defeat. "I'll see you this afternoon, yeah?" I kissed his fore head to avoid his nauseous lips.

"Yeah, I guess. Bye Harry. Love yoouu!"

"Love you too, Boo."

 

***

 

 _Procrastination is key_. I thought as I searched through my unpacked boxes for my most comfortable pair of pajama bottoms. "There we go!" I slipped them on and snuggled under the blankets. I tried to go to sleep, but I couldn't ignore the empty space next to me.

"He said he'd be back in an hour two hours ago." I mumbled incoherently.

Louis' been going 'out' more and more lately. I hate it when he comes home beyond drunk and thinks nothing of it. But I don't do anything about it. Liam and Zayn say I'm enabling him too much and he needs to know his limits. On the other hand, Niall knows (mostly) why he's been acting up. He thinks the same as the others but at the same time he doesn't do anything about it. I know if we tell him to slow down then he'll get upset. If we don't tell him to at least slow down then he's just damaging himself. I'm not sure if he knows what he's doing or if it's his subconscious doing it for him. Wait. Can your brain do that to you?

_All of this thinking makes my head hurt._

 ***

 

I woke up to a loud crash and a door slamming. I sat up and checked the time on my phone. Twelve forty eight. Louis' home. I groaned, rolled out of bed and walked to the pile of broken glass Louis was trying to pick up.

"Dammit." He mumbled. "fucking glass." He sucked on his thumb and jumped when he noticed my presence behind him. "SHIT! Haz, don't-don't do that. You… almost gave me a fucking heart attack." He was burping and giggling at the same time. He bent back down to pick up the broken glass coffee table with one hand and holding his halfway empty drink in the other. I sighed and trudged to get the broom out of the corner to sweep up his mess into one pile.

"Thanks." He tried to meet my lips with a kiss, but I put a finger between us and pushed him a few inches back.

"You're not getting a kiss until you throw away the bottle and the glass." I tried to negotiate.

"Welll the I guesss neeither of uss are going to get a kisss tonight." he slurred heavily. He took a large swig and made his way up to go to bed. Before he got through the door, I lunged and snatched the bottle from his hands.

"What the hell?" he tackled me to the ground at tried to get the bottle, but I held it out of his reach.

"You really don't need this ya know."

"Yeah? And?" he leaped and got the bottle back. In the blink of an eye he scurried and locked himself in the bathroom.

"Louis, c'mon. really?" I jiggled the door handle to find that he had it locked. All I heard was the sound of his feet shuffling on the tiles and laughing.

"Yes. Really. I may not need it but it's too good to put down."

I sighed, knowing well that wasn't why he wanted it but ran to the kitchen to find anything to pick a lock. When I got back I laid them on the ground to determine which would actually work. "Fine. Have it your way."

_Fork? No._

_Knife? No._

_Screwdriver? No._

_Bottle opener? Not even._

I grew irritated when the corkscrew didn’t even work. I sighed in defeat and heard Louis snoring lightly. All of a sudden, and I felt like a complete dumbass for not thinking of this first, I stood up and thumbed the small key on top of the door frame.

_Yes, obviously._

"Louis?" Louis was laying on his side, in the bathtub, letting the water faucet drip a few drops on his toes. I would've smiled at the cuteness, but he'd been doing this a lot lately. He'd stumble into the flat late and if he doesn't sleep in the bed, then the next best thing was the tub. It was strange but I never questioned it.

I noticed the empty tinted bottle in his arms, like it was his baby.

I got it out of his hands and threw it away before picking him up and carrying him in the most awkward way possible. When I got him in only his shirt and boxers I tucked him in and curled around him, trying to ignore the strong retching smell coming from his mouth.

 

***

 

 _"Would you like some more pancakes, Harry?"_  My mother wore her usual 'mother knows best apron' and cleaned up my plates.

 _"Yes, mum. Can I have chocolate chip this time?"_  I shoveled a cookie into my mouth.

_"now you know that we don't have many chocolate chips left, love."_

_"Pwease?"_  my eyes sparkled and got her to think.

" _Okay! Just stop with those cute little eyes!"_  she shuffled back towards the kitchen.  _"Luke will come and bring you your pancakes in a minute." Luke?_  All of a sudden the room went  _dark_. I turned around to see Luke holding a plate of pancakes. All in the shape of  _hearts._  I tried to get up and kick his ass but was glued to the chair. He settled my plate onto the table and walked over to my mom and started – tickling her? She started giggling insanely.

"Luke! Luke! L-Luke stop! Stop it! My stomach is hurting! LUKE! STOP IT!"

My eyes shot open as I realized those screams weren't in my mind.

"Luke! Stop it! It hurts!" Louis shrieked. I sat up and immediately tried to shake him awake but he continued yelling, "I said sorry! Stop, please!" I turned on the lamp next to him and pulled him into my lap.

"Luke stop! I swear I didn't mean it, I-"

He opened his eyes and took a firm grip onto my shoulders. I began to well up at the sight of his tear stained face, trembling skin, and his chest having up and down as his ragged breaths were the only noise in the room. He looked around the room and back at me. His eyes were red and his lip quivered as he cried and buried his head into my neck.

"Shh. It's okay Louis. Shh, I'm here."

His sobs got louder and I just held my arms in place, pulling him closer the louder he got. My thumbs rubbed circles into his back. He got quieter and sniffed a few times before I kissed his forehead. He looked up and anywhere but my eyes.

"Louis?"

He glanced up at my eyes before looking back at his hands.

"Louis."

He glanced again. Longer this time. I held his chin in place kissed him lightly.

"Are you okay?"

He shivered and moved from my lap and back on his side under the covers.

"Y-Yeah, I'm good."

I refused to go to sleep knowing that he was far from 'okay'.

"Are you sure?"

"Yeah. I'm okay."

I laid back down facing him and pulled him closer.

"Louis I know you're not. We could talk abo-"

"I said I'm okay Harry! I-I don't really wanna talk about it right now. Could we…" he sighed and lowered his voice and clenched his eyes tight, "Could we just go back to sleep? Please?"

_No._

"Yeah."

_We need to talk about this right now._

"We can talk whenever you want."

_Don't you dare go to sleep. This is serious._

"Goodnight love."

I could've sworn I felt utter a faint shiver at the word.

 

***

 

_Knock. Knock. Knock._

I silently groaned at the displeasing noise,

_Knock. Knock. Knock. Knock. Knock. Knock._

I groaned loudly as the displeasing noise had gotten louder every time. "Hold on, jeez." I rolled out of bed and scuffled feet along the floor. "Shit! What the hell?" I saw shards on the floor and traced the trail to the spot of blood on the heel of my foot. The suddenly remembered the actions from that night. The crash. The tub.  _The screaming_.

I thought I'd be able to rid him of the feeling to think of what Luke said.

_Did he really hurt him that bad?_

_KNOCK. KNOCK. KNOCK. KNOCK. KNOCK. KNOCK. KNOCK. KNOCK._

I snapped out of my thoughts as I realized someone was still at the door. Trying to move my cut foot as little as possible, I got the door open to reveal an ecstatic Niall and Zayn.

"ITS SNOWING!" they exclaimed in unison. It was the beginning of winter, what did they expect? I shushed them to keep them from waking up Louis from his much needed slumber.

"Oh. Sorry." Niall apologized. "Is he still… ya know?" he maneuvered his hands so he looked like a drunk stumbling out of a bar. He played the part well and got a chuckle out of Zayn.

"Uh, yeah. Sorry. I think he just needs time to get himself situated." I glanced back at Zayn who was now sitting on the couch. I wasn't sure if it were anyone's responsibility to blab about Louis' past to people who didn't already know. He already has trust issues, why add on to the list?

Niall saw my worried look and took it into his own.

"Don't worry about censoring in front of Zayn or Liam. I figured they needed to know about why the little scuffle at the bar happened." Niall's eyes darkened at the memory, "I just wish he gets more than what he deserves the little bastard needs a good ass kicking, I swear if he-"

"Niall!" Zayn got his mind back on track and patted his thigh, inviting him for a seat. " I thought we weren't going to talk about that anymore. It's a mind numbing topic for everyone."

Niall brightened a little and accepted his invite. The two began getting intimate, little whispers about being happy, inside jokes that got a few giggles, and just as they began to attack each other's faces I excused myself to remove the excess awkwardness.

I wobbled into the bathroom and washed off the cut with a clean wet rag. I applied the band aid and thought of something. _Louis has a large cut in his arm because he got cut with glass from a branch._

I pushed the thought to the back of my head for the sake of my sanity and walked back into the kitchen to retrieve a broom and clean up the untouched pile of glass still in my view. I stopped to take note of the two lovers on the couch, now in an all out tickle fight. I suddenly felt a taste of _… envy_. I wanted what they had. Once again, I cleared my mind to avoid thinking too much again.

When I rested in the recliner to the side of the now relaxed two, I felt the need to ask,

"What about Liam? They were dating right?"

"Yeah but after we explained what had been going on before, he immediately called him and broke up." Zayn chirped with a smirk. "it was rather fun to watch. I knew Liam could be a bugger but the way he used to talk to me was nothing compared to what he threw Luke's way."

The three of us laughed as Niall added, "As soon as we spilled he took out his phone and said, and I quote,  _'Don't babe me! What kind of duck-fucking asshole beaks up with someone just 'cos he doesn't like the way a certain person looks at him? You are a pathetic pile of shit and Louis deserves much better than some dickwad like you._ ' It was priceless."

That had most definitely brightened my mood, we all ended up howling as soon as he said 'duck-fucking'. Suddenly, as we calmed down, Zayn sat straight and promptly addressed me, "Oh, and he mentioned you. He said Louis deserves a real human. He said he deserved you, Harry."

The boys smiled and I couldn't help but blush at the sound of appreciation in Zayn's – and probably Liam's – voice. I looked past them and at the snow falling outside.

The blonde spoke up, "Anyways, we wanted to see if you two were up to going to the park today. Liam's for it and wants to meet up in about an hour or two. Seeing Luke put Louis in a vulnerable state and I think that a fun day in the snow is better than a depressing night at the pub. It could be a new way of letting go of what he's been holding on to"

Zayn looked up at Niall in agreement, "I really don't see how a relationship like that could screw up someone like him for two whole years. Sure Luke's parents couldn't deal with it but he shouldn't let it control him. If my parents were to act that way I'd still be with my little Nialler."

Niall blushed and peck his nose, "Yeah, it's not like anything extreme, well besides that, happened."

 _If only they knew_. "I think… Louis just needs some more time to get himself situated and when the pieces all fit then he can start a new puzzle." As assuring as I was hoping that I sounded, I was doubting myself, constantly. Just before the puzzle was done Luke came and messed it all up. And if Louis ever does end up finishing this new puzzle, who's to say that the same won't happen again? I'm one of the biggest screw ups I know and at the slip of a word, I could screw up that puzzle just like Luke.

_I need to stop comparing myself to him._

As we drifted off to a more amusing topic – how Zayn could easily make a better snowman than I – a hard sigh came to our attention. "Louis!" we cheered, taking all of the negative energy that he radiated and throwing it out of the windows.

"Oh, hey guys!" he looked somewhat happier than he did barely ten hours before.

"Me, Zayn, and Liam were going to the park to mess around in the snow. Harry hasn't given us a flat answer yet so I was hoping you might wanna come?"

Louis did a double take in my direction. I turned around expecting to see something saw but didn't.

"Um yeah, sounds great. Can we pick up a snack on the way though? I'm not sure if we'd have enough time to cook any-"

"To Dunkin' Donuts!" of course the Irish bloke was up for anything edible.

"We'll just wait down here and flip through the channels while you guys get ready. I'm pretty sure he'll last a good twenty minutes." Zayn chuckled.

Me and Louis wandered off to our room but I felt like he couldn't so much as stand to see me in the same room as him. We got dressed in an almost uncomfortable silence as my mind grew louder by the minute. I nearly screamed at him to say something reassuring about our relationship just so I wouldn't go crazy.

I hoped that Louis knew that was here for him but I could never tell if he was there for me.


	7. Chapter 7

"Louis, all I said was to stop leaving your shit all over the place! The fact that I have to constantly pick up after you is beginning to irritate me."

"And now I'm irritating! Is there anything else you'd like to add to the list?"

The fact that what I was asking for was so simple and he needed to be dramatic about it just irritated me. But it's not the first time. Lately we've been arguing over anything and everything. The radio, the TV, how long to take a shower, just yesterday we had a two hour argument over why it wasn't my turn to take out the trash. And every time we sounded more like an old married couple. I would've said it was sweet and that it's expected to be like this but it wasn't. I used to think he was this way because he was still upset, but it shouldn't lead to… this. I got frustrated with having to protect him all the time and having to make up excuses for him whenever he came home in an unstable state around company.

"Louis, I never said you were irritating. I just said that-"

"Well your making it sound like it! and I don't like the way your speaking down too me right now like I'm some sort of child!"

"THAT'S BECAUSE YOU  _ARE_  ACTING LIKE A CHILD!"

"NO I'M NOT!"

"Could you stop screaming? For one fucking second could you stop acting like this?"

"SCREW YOU HARRY! YOU WERE THE ONE THAT STARTED SCREAMING IN THE FIRST PLACE!" He walked towards our bedroom door.

"Louis just list-"

"LALALALALALALALA! SEE? I CAN SCREAM ALL I FUCKING WANT!" he walked out of the bedroom. I winced as I felt the vibration of the front door slamming. I walked over to the door and just before I stepped out of the frame, I spilled over with tears. I ran to the farthest corner of the room, slid down the wall and wrapped myself into a ball. I sobbed loudly and didn't bother drying my eyes. I heard someone shout my name. With all my strength I looked up hoping it was Louis. Maybe he came back to apologize and we could just make up, for good this time.

Liam budded his head around the corner. His face grew confused and worried and had me crawl back into my original position, "Harry?" I felt his heat around me as he engulfed me in a hug. "Shhh… it's okay." He cooed. Eventually I did calm down. And lifted my head to wipe off his now wet shoulder.

"Sorry Li you shouldn't have to see me or hear Lou like this."

"It's okay. I heard you guys from the living room couch but I thought it would just work itself out again. Obviously not." He mumbled.

I laughed nervously, "Yeah, sorry." I sighed heavily and leant my head back onto his shoulder. "I just don't know what to do. I'm afraid that one day I'll say something wrong and he'll just go berserk. I- no one likes him like this. And I'm not really helping him by letting him do what he wants because he's 'mentally disturbed'."

"What?"

"not really but he's… been through stuff ya know?" Liam nodded in agreement. "I've never been in this situation and I–I… I just don't know what to, Li.." I burst into tears again. He pulled me a little closer and rubbed my back gently. All of a sudden I felt myself rise a little. I looked back up and saw Liam leading me to the bed. He went into the closet and took out one of the coats I bought early for Louis' birthday. He handed it to me and took out a pair of my shoes

I sniffed and furrowed my brows in confusion, "Liam this is Louis' jacket. What do you expect me to do with it?"

He sat next to me and handed me my phone, "I don't  _expect_  you to do anything. You obviously know something that I don't. Interrogating you about it probably won't make anything any better but I know that you and Louis need to work. This. Out. However you choose to deal with it is not my business. But what is my business, is that you two, and Niall and Zayn, are happy."

He gave a small smile and I did the same.

_I could do this. I don't know how but things will get better._

I thanked him and gave him a hug before heading for the door with Louis' jacket. I grabbed one of my own jackets and walked out of the door. With his car still in the lot he must've went walking, but where?

**_Would u happen to know where Lou might've gone?_ **

**_-H_ **

I slid into the car and started the engine. I pulled back out my phone when I heard a beep.

**_No idea. Where was that last place that u guys might've had fun?_ **

**_-Li_ **

I thought back to late November when we went the five of us went out to the park and messed around in the snow. That really couldn't have been the last time. That was over two weeks ago.

**_In a way. Ya. But it was a while ago._ **

**_-H_ **

I turned on the radio and tried to find some at least motivating music.  _Beep._

**_Try it. He could be anywhere by now if u wait any longer._ **

**_-Li_ **

I pulled out of the lot and headed for the park but before I did a certain song caught my attention,

A _nd I'll try to keep my distance_

_Say I love you when you're not listening_

_How long can we keep this up, up, up?_

_Make sure to keep my distance_

_Say I love you when you're not listening_

_How long 'til we call this love, love, lo-_

I turned the radio completely off as the song practically spelled out me and Louis' relationship.

I can't get close to him without setting something off.

I can't say 'love' around him without him tensing up.

At this point I don't even know what we're doing.

_Christina's music can really screw with your life sometimes._

_***_

I pulled up to the park and saw Louis on a bench crying into his hands the same way I had not even twenty minutes earlier. As I got closer and closer I could see him visibly shaking. I heard him sobbing into his hands. I took all I could not to kiss away his worries and take him back home into our warm bed and finish watching his favorite movies.  _That's not the purpose of this_. I settled down next to him quietly. He looked from his hands and looked severely confused when he saw me. To break the unbearable silence I tried to think of something to say.

"Um, you… I… its freezing. You should wear this." I pulled the jacket from in my jacket and wrapped it around his shoulders.

"Thanks." He slipped his arms into place and avoided my eyes as we sat in more uncomfortable silence."…Harry you didn't really have to come." He mumbled.

"Yeah I kinda did. You walked out into the winter snow. I wasn't just gonna let you freeze to death." He sighed as I got my thoughts together, "Plus, I really think we need to talk about what's been going on with you." He looked at me from the corner of his eyes. Now it was my turn to avoid his glare.

"We both know we don't  _need_ to talk about anything. We  _can_  talk, but I'd prefer if you didn't speak right now."

I shot him a look of frustration and turned so I was directly facing him, "Fine then, why don't  _you_  speak? You seem to be so good at it when you're drunk. Even though you seem to only speak correctly when you're-"

"Don't you dare finish that sentence or I swear I-"

"-sober." He sat up and faced me, full of emotion. "Sometimes you can barely think straight when you are, but when you're drunk it's like I don't even know you! You just giggle and sulk in everything like-"

"Shut the fuck up, Harry! It's not like you're any better. You keep thinking that you know me so well and that you can fix this but you can't."

He paused and began to breath heavily. I shrunk a little and took in his words as they continued to spew out from his lips,

"I heard you talking with Zayn and Niall that one day. I heard you guys talking about me like I was a problem. Like my past relationship was a joke and that I should just 'get over it'. like I was some bloke who couldn't control his alcohol. Don't you think I already know that? I trusted you with a secret that I was never able to let go of, and I know that they don't know the whole thing, but they know enough. If Niall couldn't shut up and keep it to himself then what makes me think that you can hold what I told you to yourself. I… I'm just in a bad place right now. I know I'm a screw up and that Luke screwed up a large part of me. I was beaten for reasons that I still don't know of. I couldn't get over it because I thought that I couldn't do any better. But I just don't want to be that person. If you could stop demanding perfection from me then I wouldn't have to be. I'm fucked up, used, hurt, confused… I'm a mess. I don't know what to do about that and… I'm sorry."

His words hit me like a bullet. He was shattered and I obviously couldn't pick up the pieces. Most of what he said was true. I knew I wasn't perfect but I knew he was. With all of my heart, I swear I love him more than anything in the world. I wanted to be able to pick up those damned pieces, but it wasn't going to be easy. Above everything else, he needed to be fixed. If he wasn't fixed then neither was I. I love him. _Forever and always_. And I'm going to stand by that no matter what. Which made this all the more harder to say.

"Louis, I think we need to breakup."

 

 

_Break up. Break up? Break up._

I replayed the phrase over and over again in my head to see if there was any way o make it at least sound better. There was none.

Louis continued to gawk at be. “Harry, You can’t be serious,” I nodded slowly. “I – when I said… I didn’t mean that we needed to break up all I meant wa-”

“I know what you meant. I just really… really think that some time alone is gonna do you better than I will. You’ve been through shit that I couldn’t imagine going through. I mean, look at yourself. You're yelling, drinking, coming home way too late at night… I just don't see how I can make anything better.”

Louis continued to look at me, not saying anything. I bit my lip and put my hand on his knee. “Louis.” Nothing. “Louis please say something. Anything. I don't want you to think that I'm just abandoning you. I-”

“WELL WHAT THE FUCK DO YOU WANT ME TO SAY? You're trying to breakup with me because I can’t deal with myself. Do you honestly think that you…doing this… what is that going to accomplish?”

I winced at the sudden outburst. “Louis, I don't think that-”

“NO,” he started crying again. “no. I love you and you love me, remember?”

“And I do, Louis. I really do. I love you with all my heart and its breaking because all I can do is just be a reminder of that guy who made you feel like this.” I began to cry too and pulled him closer. I wrapped my arms around him and pressed several kisses to his temple.

“I don't want to let you go, Harry. I really don’t. I don't want to let you go. I don't care about Luke o-o-or what he did. I just want you. Okay? Please… just…  _stay?_  I can forget that it ever happened so we can keep going. A-and if I don’t change within the next-”

“LOUIS.” I pulled his head away from my neck and made him look at me. I looked over his tearstained face and red eyes and quivering lips. I took all I could to not say yes. “Louis. You don't just forget about something like that. No matter what, it’s still going to be stuck in the back of your head and I can’t do anything about it. Now come on.” I stood up and pulled him up with me. He looked confused as to why I handed my car keys to him.

“Harry… w-what are you doing?” he said with a quiet voice. I brought him to the driver’s side of the car and pointed to the door.

“Unlock the door and go home. I'm gonna go to Liam’s while you- we… sort things out. By ourselves.” He just stood there with his mouth open. I closed my eyes as a few more tears fell. “ _Please._ ” He continued to stand there and blink as if this was all a dream.  _I wish._  I huffed and turned around to walk away but Louis cold hands wrapped around my wrist. “What?”

He pulled me over to the door and unlocked it. He pushed me towards the door but when I refused to actually go in, he looked up at me. He didn’t seem like he was _asking_  for another chance. “You're going to get in this car and drive us home so we can talk about this properly.” He was _demanding_ another chance. He continued to push until I gave in and sat in the car. He stomped around to the other side and got in as well. When I looked at him and didn’t put the key in ignition, he reached over and turned the car on.

“Drive.”

I bit my lip and obliged. We drove for a good  five minutes in silence as the sound of  _Passenger_  played  _Circles_.

_And we’d fall asleep to the wind_

_And we’d dream on and on and on and on_

_On and on and on and on_

_On and on and on and on_

_Cos we’re circles_

_We’re circles you see_

_We go round rou-_

I looked over and saw Louis messing with the radio stations. I was actually rather fond of the song. “Why’d you change the station?” I asked silently.

Louis punched the ‘tune’ button and answered, “’Cos I hate circles.” With a hint of sarcasm.

I listened to him aggressively punch the dials. “Could you quit doing that? You're gonna break it.”

He kept pressing the buttons, harder each time. “I'm not gonna break the fucking radio.”

“Yes you are.”

 _“No_  I'm not! It’s not broken, now is i-” the car went silent. I saw a large dent in the radio with the buttons shoved inside of their holes. “Well now it is.” I murmured. He shot me a daggering stare, “Let me out.”

“Wha- Louis we’re almost their hold on.”

“I don't care. Let me out.”

“I'm not going to let you walk off in the snow.”

“I've been through worse I think I can handle the cold.”

I don't care, I'm not letting you out.” He sighed and we sat for another minute in silence. I honestly couldn’t tell if he still wanted to stay together or not. When we pulled up in front of our flat, he got out of the car and stalked off to the door, rattling the door knob. _He forgot his key_. When I got up the steps I saw Louis, arms crossed, feet tapping, sniffling. I opened the door slowly and let him walk in first. He turned in the direction of the kitchen and I heard the fridge open. He knelt down and I saw him going for a beer but when he turned and looked me, he retracted his arm and stood up.

I looked down at my shoes like they were the most interesting things in the world, wondering if he was just going to wait until I left to begin his drinking fiasco. “I'm gonna be gone for a while. Okay?” I said quietly.

He nodded slowly and reached out for me. He put his hands on either side of my face, brought me close, and whispered, “Please… just think about it. I don't want you to go.”

I looked deep into his eyes and saw how sorry he was. How he regretted what he did, and how he really did love me and only me. He brought me close and gently placed his lips on mine. I closed my eyes so I could just remember how  _sweet_  he tasted. He ran his tongue across my bottom lip as I hesitantly let him through.  I slowly wrapped my arms around his waist as he gently pulled away and put our foreheads together.

“I love you, Harry.” I nearly melted at how sincere he sounded.

“I love you too, Louis.” I sighed and brought my lips to between his brows. As I planted another soft kiss to his forehead I muttered an ‘I'm sorry’ and slowly pulled away. I walked out the door and towards my car. As I drove to Liam, I couldn’t help but to cry the entire way. 


	8. Chapter 8

I got up  to use the restroom in the morning and wash my face. Tears everywhere, bags under my eyes, and my hair was a mess. _Stupidest thing you’ve ever done_.

“No.” I spoke to the mirror, “This is gonna help him. This is the only way for him to get over Luke. Then everything will be okay.”

 This was the only thought I had to make it without Louis. I knew that me being there to only enable him whenever he’s down, that wasn’t going to work.

I opened the upper cabinet for another box of tissues to find that I’d used them all. I sighed heavily and walked back to the bed, hoping that there was one more box by the bed. There wasn’t.

Huffing heavily, I flopped back onto the bed next to Liam. He was willing to let me crash with him until I got the balls to go back and talk with Louis. He said that he never meant for me to break up with him when he said to ‘work this out’. None the less, he made sure I had an almost endless supply of tissues, movies, and hugs for the night. He even bothered to sleep with me as a replacement of Louis’ warmth, even though no one could possibly replace his warm, smooth, flawless, soft-

_Stop._

I felt another tear prick at my eyes but blinked it back when I heard a stir from beside me. Liam looked down at me and smiled a sad smile. He stretched a bit before watching me intently, “Hey. How ya holdin’ up?”

“I'm … I'm okay, I guess.”

We laid in comfortable silence for a minute until he said, “You wanna go… see him? I'm pretty sure he’s just as bad as you. Hell, probably way worse.”

We talked about what I planned on doing until I made a move to get back together. His main point was to just see him, but my answer was always the same,

“ _Not just yet_.”

More silence. “You know he’s been trying to call all night. Niall and Zayn too.”

My phone died a bit after I got to Liam but I left it unattended to avoid the unavoidable. Before I could say anything, there was a knock  at the door. Liam sat up and offered to get it while  I laid on the bed, staring at the slow moving fan on the ceiling.  I heard Zayn’s deep voice from the living room along with Liam’s.

I could only make out small phrases like ‘he’s just out of it’, ‘crying and yelling’, ‘he’s so sorry’ and small incoherent words. Whether they were talking about me or Louis, I wasn’t really sure. Deep footsteps trailed up to the room and soon enough I heard the door creak open. Liam trailed in with Zayn and - Niall. He was so quiet I barely noticed him. He didn’t look all too pissed, or even sympathetic. He was just… there.

Liam, being the only one that bothered to stay in UNI, gave everyone a silent goodbye and rushed off to class. I rolled over on my side as Zayn sat on the edge of the bed and Niall did the same. Zayn gave a sad smile and asked, “Hold ya holdin’ up?”

I ignored his question, “How’s Louis?” my raspy voice was quieter than I meant it to be.

Zayn looked to Niall who put his head in his hands, still looking at me. “He- he’s not doing his best but he’s… okay.” It sounded more like a question than a statement, “I wanna know how you are.”

“I doubt that Louis’ okay, but I’ll take your word for it,” I mumbled, “aside from being a complete dumbass, constantly crying, and wanting my boyfriend back, I’d say that I'm doing… _okay_.” The room fell into silence again as Zayn began fiddling with his fingers and Niall just stared off into space. “Zayn, I'm sorry. I just can’t be bothered to care about anything else right now. If you really want to know, all I think about is if Louis’ okay or not. If he happy with or without me. I'm pretty sure he couldn’t be having the best time of his life, but I think that without me there, then he can accomplish more.”

“See, that’s not it.” Zayn scoffed, “Louis is actually doing worse than before. He’s taken drinking to a whole different level. We stayed with him to make sure he didn’t try to drive out to you. I don't know what you said to him but the bloke is pretty fucked up. And seeing you, I'm sure there has to be a certain reason as to why you broke up. Would you mind sharing?”

I glanced about the room deciding whether or not to tell them why Louis was beyond hurt. _I’m pretty sure Louis would love that. Sarcasm noted._ Niall longer was looking away, but at me, waiting for an answer. “Uh, well… you know Louis had a bad – you know, with Luke and all.” Niall shuffled a little and looked back up to me. “Well I just couldn’t help him as much as I would’ve liked.” I looked from Zayn to Niall, “I just wanted him to be happy and- Niall! Could you stop looking at me like that?”

Niall looked down and put his head in his hands as Zayn patted his shoulders, “Babe what's wrong? You’ve been distant all morning.” Niall brought his head back up and looked directly at me.

“Louis told me what happened. With Luke.” I widened my eyes wondering why he would tell him after so long. Zayn furrowed his eyebrows in confusion, “What did he tell you exactly?”

“Did he tell you about his parents?” I asked and he nodded. “About the movies and his issues?” Niall nodded and Zayn just asked, “What do you mean?”

“Harry,” Niall continued, “If you knew why Louis had been acting up, especially if it was something like this, why would you break up?” I sat up and faced him even more.

“I just.. I don't even know anymore. Nothing would make me happier than to see him _happy_. I couldn’t do it so instead of trying to, I thought he could help himself. A-and he can! I'm just-”

“No he can’t, Harry. I told you, he’s been through crap and I know he can’t help himself but I thought you'd at least stick with him so he could. I told myself that I would always make sure that he doesn’t go through that again and you're not really helping here. Apparently things have only gotten worse and expected you to do something.” I looked down at myself knowing that I made a mistake that would take a while to recover from. Tears ran along my cheeks as Zayn’s phone buzzed. He left to go answer it as Niall scooted closer to give me a hug. “Shh, Harry, I-I'm not mad, at you really, but I just wish that there was an easier way to go about this. Neither of you should be like this right now, but… me, Zayn, and Liam are here for you guys, okay?”

I nodded as Zayn came back and smiled, “We should get back to Louis, he dropped something and got shards in his foot and ankle. You okay?” I nodded again as Niall hopped off the bed to give his boyfriend a hug. “You should really call, or at least read Louis’ texts. You haven’t picked up your phone so he left a few voicemails. We’ll see you later, yeah?” I waved them off with a small smile hearing Zayn ask Niall, “What happened to Louis that I don't know about?”. Niall replied, “I’ll tell you when we get home love.”

 

 

When the door closed I turned over to plug my phone and turn it on. All I wanted was to hear his voice. First I read over some of his many texts. Half of them were just ‘I love you Harry's or random letters, so I read the ones that seemed somewhat soberly typed.

**_hAry I miss u sooooooo musch_ **

**_-LouLou_ **

**_Hary plz cum bak I know I was childich b4 but I reeelly ned u_ **

**_-L_ **

**_Fuking tv id broken an I need u to cum over n fix it plz_ **

**_-DX_ **

**_Pick up ur fone I wunna tak too u_ **

**_-Louis_ **

**_Hjgafjkvjhfbhsdfsdfuiyweu Harry Harry HARRYDHJKVJFEW_ **

**_-LOU_ **

I read probably ten more before listening to his voicemails. His golden voice wasn’t as needy as his texts seemed to be. It was more upset or just pissed, if anything. His voice was raspy and he fumbled over his words.

**_“_ ** _Harry, pleeeesse come back so I can kick your ass.” I heard him take a large swig of something, “You heard me. You are an asshole for leaving me an- fuck… Zayn go away I'm trying to talk to harr-… no I will not!... Piss off! Harry if you can still hear me, Zayn is being a douche can go fuck-“ the line ended and I was left in confusion as I listened to the next one._

**_“_ ** _haaarrryyyyy! Niall toookk my…um…it’s called a…laptop ya! If you can grow some balls and come over here - NOT NOW! - then you can use it. How’s that sound? And the-then maybe we could get back together, ri-“ glass shattered, “shit. Hold on.”_

**_“_ ** _Harry? a I'm sorry about those stupid messages, I'm just really frustrated right now. No I am not fucking drunk. Three beers c-can’t do that to a person…can it… I don't fucking know but um what I do know is that you should really come over so we can talk. It’s not fair that you get to live like a fucking princess while I'm sitting out here in the snow- no I don't want to come in I'm talking to-…well it can wait… fine. Bye. I hate you for leaving me like this.”_

I suddenly felt really bad  for not even trying to contact Louis. I didn’t even try to charge my phone or use Liam’s. It’s only been a good two days but I don't like what's happening.

 

***

 

“Harry, you need a ride?” Liam asked through the door.

“No I’ll manage.” I cut the water off and stepped out the shower, picking up a towel from the cabinet.

“Kay, I'm leaving, bye!”

“Bye.” I heard the front door open but not close. Instead there was a little yelling and a large thud. I panicked a little and ran out to the door with only my towel on and saw Louis stumbling over Liam on the floor.

“Louis?” I breathed. He smiled and tried to give me a hug but I stepped back a little and looked at Liam holding his face. “What the fuck happened?”

Louis giggled as Liam stood up and walked to the kitchen, “uh, I wanted to see you, but Zayn hid my keys. But,” he held up a pair of silver keys from his pocket, “I found them! Yay!”

“y-you drove? In this state?” I stuttered.

“Umm, last I checked, England was a country not a state.” He laughed and glared at Liam, rubbing his jaw.

I kept looking at him as he made his way to the door, “I’ll um see you two later, yeah? You should probably talk.” And just like that, I was left with a grinning Louis as he enveloped me in a hug.

“What happened to Liam?” Louis lifted his head and nuzzled his face in my neck. I missed his hugs, no matter how drunk, so I couldn’t possibly say no.

“he needed to know not to fuck with my boyfriend. You're mine Harry. I don't care what you say, I'm not gonna let you fuck Liam while I stand on the sidelines.” It didn’t make much sense but his mind was fogged up so I didn’t say anything. He began to leave little kisses up and down my neck, messing with my mind.

“L-Louis?”

“Mhm?”

“You should lie down a-and take a nap or something. Don't you have to go to, um, work?”

He pulled away  little and whispered, “I've got an idea, how ‘bout you shut up and let me work on you? Yeah?.” he kissed the corner of my mouth making me miss how _warm_ his lips were. I smelled alcohol and thought how he could’ve actually _driven_ here. He swiped his hands over my bare hips and in the blink of an eye, was down on his knees tugging at my towel until it was around my ankles.

”Louis! s-sto- get up!” I tried to bring him back up, but he shook his head and instantly swallowed my dick. My hands went from pulling him up by his hair to just fisting it. I moaned as he did around me. He went down until his nose hit my groin and all I could do was just let him. I wanted him to stop just as much as I wanted him to keep going. At one point I knew  I had gone too far and had to pull him up. He whined and kissed my chest. I bit my lip and turned him around so I could pick him up by his stomach.

“Haarrryyy, let me go! I wasn’t done!” he reached behind his head to grab at mine and slap my cheeks a little. When I tried to push him into Liam’s room, he put his feet up at both sides of the door, keeping us out.

“Louis move your legs. You need to lie down.”

“No I don't. Just let me go,” I moved back and walked into the room backwards, falling onto the bed with Louis squirming on me. “Let go! Ill lie the fuck down if you just  let go!” I let go and let him roll over onto his stomach next to me. He leaned in for a kiss but to avoid a repeat, I stood up and put on some sweats and a t-shirt, ignoring my softer hard on. When I turned back around, Louis had already began to nod off.

“Louis? Louis.” I handed him a water bottle to ease the head ache ahead. He took a gulp and handed it back to me. I went over to bring the covers over him when he told me, “ _I saw Luke yesterday.”_ I froze, wondering why he would bring this up. “I had just left you, I think, another message since you refused to answer your phone. But, uh, I was outside and I saw him. We started talking and I remember him saying… saying I was stupid for thinking that I could ever do any better than him… I don't know. We had a short argument but I said… _fuck_ … I said something about you being better than him and he laughed. I don't know why, but I just felt suddenly infern-inferi-infanror-inferioir? I felt stupid and before either of us got the chance to do something stupid, I ran inside and had another beer.”

I found myself laying next to him, listening intently. I couldn’t tell if he was upset, sad, pissed, or just confused but my mind was set on finding Luke and kick his ass. Louis rolled over on his side to snuggle into me, eyes closed, before mumbling, “I don't think any thing’s better than you.”I pecked his forehead and laid thinking about things, us mainly, before my mind drifted off to sleep beside him.

 

 

I woke up later that evening without Louis’ warm body pressed against mine. I opened my eyes and heard shuffling. I turned round and saw Liam leaning against the wall with  paper in his hand. “morning.” He sighed and continued looking at the paper. I sat up and stretched, saying the same. “Whatcha got there? Who’s it from?”

He chuckled, “Louis left you a note. Uh, here. I  read it already if you don't mind.”

“Obviously.” I read the note and wasn’t sure if I should be upset or happy.

_Harry, I'm sorry for being a burden earlier - or yesterday depending on when you read this. I know drinking isn’t the best way to go about things and I'm sure I did something really stupid. I really want you to think some more about if you think that we’re actually done or not. I don't thinks so. There’s no reason to act this way but I want you to know that I just don't know what else to do. If you’d let me, I’d like to see you under different terms. I love you and I know you love me just as much. Maybe even more. I should be gone by now and I'm sure your phone is charged so, ya. You know where to find me at least mostly sober._

_< 3 Louis _

_PS: Liam I'm sorry about your jaw._

I chuckled at the end and almost called him but my mum beat me to it. My phone rang and I knew it probably wasn’t the best news.

“Hi mum.”

“Harry! God, where have you been? You haven’t come to work all week! Me, Gemma, and Mark are the only ones here in the morning, what happened?”

“I'm sorry, I've just… been busy. ” I sighed as Liam chuckled and walked out, “ I’ll make sure to be there all day long the rest of the week. Even Saturday. How about it?” she took a long pause in consideration.

“Fine. Next three days, no breaks. Starting now.”

“N-now? But were not open this late-”

“Well just ‘cos its not open doesn’t mean it’s not in need of a good cleaning. Plus you’ve missed all this week without even letting me know. If you're dealing with something that important at least tell me, love.”

I tensed up a little wondering how I _could_ tell her. “See you in half an hour then.”

I hung up, took a quick shower and made my way to the door with my phone, to avoid missing anymore of Louis’ calls.

 

I met my mother at the door of the store and kissed her goodbye before walking in and getting started on the task at hand. The chairs were scattered, juice, coffee, and chocolate over the counters, crumbs everywhere, windows needed a wash, dirty dishes, napkins still on tables, this was definitely a punishment.

The only thing that made this worthwhile was Louis.  I was waiting for the perfect moment to call him and ask if we could start seeing each other again. But my anxiety got the best of me. _Is he ready? Has he moved on? He hates me. He doesn’t trust me. Luke got him back. He’s drunk again_. All these fucking thoughts in my head. I had him on my mind and easily go up most of the drinks between the floor cracks and got through most of the dishes.

When I began wiping the windows and rearranged the Christmas decorations, I noticed a girl jogging her way down to the store. _Fuck._

I immediately ran towards the back of the store before hearing a jingle at the door. “Harry?” I slowly crept out from the kitchen and behind the counter. “Hi Taylor.” She ran around and gave me a huge hug. I wasn’t necessarily in the mood for her flirting but hesitantly wrapped my arms around her waist. “What are you doing here?” I really wanted to know.

“Well I was on my way to my friend’ house, but I actually wanted to ask you ummm…” she started biting her lips and twirling her hair as I mentally rolled my eyes. “I was gonna go to this Christmas party and wanted to see if you wanted to go with me.” She flashed her lashes. I was never really the best liar.

“Cant.”

“Oh? And why not?” she cocked her head to the side.

“I'm going somewhere… with someone else. Ya.” She chuckled seeing my fault.

“Aww. Who is she?”

I gripped the counter behind me and glanced at the floor, “W-well she has beautiful, short brown hair, cute blue eyes, and soft, tan skin.” I drifted off to my thoughts of Louis, “she’s short but not that short, her forehead is up to my nose. She has a bunch of tattoos, like mine but hers are just, nice to look at I guess. She laughs a lot and gets all giggly sometimes when she gets alcohol in her system. And-”

I cut myself off when I noticed I was rambling and Taylor had gotten a bit closer to me. “She sounds like a lot of fun. We should meet up sometime. I’ll see you at the party, right? With, what's her name?” she added a chuckle that suddenly was irritating the shit out of me.

“ _Louis_. The name is Louis.”

She looked confused for a moment, “Doesn’t sound very attractive,” _this bitch_ , “Isn’t that a guy’s name?”

It was like someone was testing me. “Exactly.” She backed up a little and asked me to repeat myself. “ _His_ name is _Louis._ Is there a problem with that?”

She stuttered for a second and looked around. “Uh, no. I just… you really don't seem like some kind of pixie. Umm are you and Louis, ya know, together?”

I nearly punched her in the face, “okay one: I think you must be really stupid if you think gay people are fucking _pixies_. That’s just complete stupidity. Then again, I am speaking to you.” I murmured, “and two: yes we are together. _I love him_. And I am tired of your stupid attempts to flirt with me. If saying no the first twenty times doesn’t get you to see that I may not be interested, then what the fuck will?”

She stood with her arms crossed now and her lips in a scowl. “it was just a simple question, fuck. I just thought maybe you liked me.”

“Well obviously not.” I spat. It wasn’t the best thing to do at the moment but it felt good. I’d do anything to protect Louis, whether it be physically or verbally. She flipped her hair to pick up her bag that she put on the table and chuckled again for whatever reason. I pinched the bridge of my nose and pointed to the door. “Get out” she stood still and pulled her bag onto her shoulder.

“You can’t tell me what to do. Just becau-”

“Fine.” I threw away all the used napkins and swept the trash into a corner quickly before pushing her to the door and locking it behind both of us. I jogged over to unlock my car when she asked, “Where are you going?”

Before I got inside I said, “To my boyfriend.”

As I drove down the road I couldn’t help but feel excruciatingly anxious. I mean I barley even actually ‘came out’. All I did was tell off someone who was being an ass about who I dated. But it just made me think  of how easy it would be to tell my mother. That was one that would take some time. As I came across a red light I noticed a fairly large truck sliding across the thin layer of ice on the road, through the intersection and cars, and in my direct-

 

_Black._


	9. Chapter 9

The light through the blinds slipped through my eyelids, making me wince and switch to my other side. _Knock. Knock. Knock._ “What do you want?” I mumbled loud enough for them to hear. The door swung open as Liam stalked over and sat on the edge of the bed.

“Get up Louis. You can’t laze around all day clinging to your phone.” I ignored him and switched back over to face the window. I felt the bed rise but just as I got comfortable, I felt very cold ice travel down my spine. “GHAA! WHAT THE FUCK LIAM?” I threw off the covers and landed on the ground.

Liam sighed, “I said wake up. You and Harry have missed work all week. He took the time to go to work, what about you?”

I reached for my phone that had slipped under the bed. The screen had no notifications. I could say that I was more than upset that Harry has yet to call or even text, but there’s only so much whining my voice can take. The drinking incessantly thing was because I had no idea what would happen to me if I were to lose Harry. So when we did break up, I went to every drink I could reach. No it was not healthy but it _soothes_ me somehow. I'm not in control of myself and for some reason it just makes me feel content. Luke controlled me, Harry controlled me – _just as much as I probably controlled him_ – and now booze, whiskey, and just beer altogether controls me. It’s not that I couldn’t help myself but it fills _a part of me_. Harry just happened to be a really big part. Bu if the fucker decides not to waste his time with me, then so be it. I’d hate to be a burden to Niall, Liam, and Zayn, but they are what keeps me sane.

I stood up to reach for the half empty bottle on the table but stood up too fast, and ended up back on the floor. Being a great friend, Liam stood there and laughed slightly before coming over to help me up. “why  don't you go take a shower and refresh yourself while I clean up a bit. Then maybe I’ll consider making you breakfast.” I had to laugh.

“Sometimes you sound like a mother. I’ll go take a shower. Are the others still here?” I _slowly_ picked up a towel and trudged to the bathroom.

“Yeah, they started making out again so I decided to come bug you.”

“Mission accomplished.”

“Hm, and what’s my reward, double oh dickhead?” I chuckled and flipped him off as I closed the door. “Classy! Just beautiful.”

I turned the water to warm me up as I shed my clothes. Once the water hit my skin, I was glad to had taken this shower. I washed up, rinsed off, and just waded in the warm water. _It’s like he just wanted to get my hopes up. It’s not fair that I should have to go through so much shit, meet someone like him, then have him leave. Do I not deserve to be happy?_ After showering for what felt like minutes I jumped out after a good half hour, shivering as the cold hit my skin. Putting on some grey sweats and a hoodie – because I was really ‘going to work’ – I made it down too see Zayn and Niall on the Xbox while Liam ate some cereal and read over his phone. He looked up and sighed for my lack of uniform and pointed at the bowl of cereal across from him. “Got a call from work, more important than pancakes and eggs.

I stirred my glass bowl, “You're just lucky this is my favorite brand.” We ate in silence with the video game playing, the heater running, and traffic from outside, when there was a slight ringing from down the hall Ii recognized the ringtone and flipped over my chair to get to it. without looking at the caller ID I answered, “Hello?”

“Louis Tomlinson?” the voice belonged to a woman.

“Uh, ya, this is him. Who is thi-”

“”I'm a nurse at Heartlands Hospital. You are in relations with a Mr. Harry Styles, correct?”

“Y-yeah, why? Is he okay? What happened?”

“Mr. Styles was in a car crash with a very large truck. He’s we are not exactly sure if his state but he has you as his number one contact and I'm sure he would appreciate you here for him.”

“……He….I…….okay.”

“I'm so sorry, I’ll send you directions right away sir. Thank you.”

“…Mhm…..”

 _Holy shit. Harry was in a car  crash? When the fuck_ …? I dropped my phone and fell back onto the bed, shoving a pillow into my face, screaming to the top of my lungs. Tears poured from my face as my breathing got difficult and I was tearing holes into the material. I sat up with the pillow still shielding my face, in my lap now, as several footsteps ran in, soothing but panicking me at the same time. _This cannot be happening_.  Niall sat by side hugging me tightly as Zayn did the same. Liam was crouched down in front of me, rubbing my knees, until I realized how pointless this was. _Harry could be dead and I'm just screaming at myself_. I quickly stood up and sprinted out the door with my phone.

No shoes, no car, all I wanted was Harry.

 

After fifteen minutes of aimless jogging, Zayn managed to find me. He ran up the sidewalk and wrapped his arms around me. He spoke into his phone, “Found him, meet me  at Landor Street…  yeah… bye. Come on, Louis.” He kept a protective arm around me as he sat me down at a small café. I couldn’t stop shaking and looking around to take my mind off the unavoidable. _Harry_. It bothered me that we weren’t doing anything so I tried to tell him,

“Zayn we need to go. Like right now.” He asked why. “Because Ha-” Before I could finish, Liam and Niall ran in and practically attacked me. ‘What's wrong?’, ‘is someone after you?’, ‘why would you run off like  that?’. I wiped my eyes and quietly told them what the nurse had told me. Suddenly the table got quiet. To quiet.

My eyes watered again and just before I sprinted out the café again, they stopped me, “We’re all going to go, okay?” I nodded and shoved them out of the booth and quickly getting a taxi. I sat in the front, nervously aping my feet, hoping we wouldn’t end up in the same predicament and as soon as I saw the hospital building. I jumped out of the car that was stuck in traffic and sprinted, again, to find that damned building.

 

 

 

“Uh, excuse me, but how much longer until we can see-”

“Sir,” the nurse interrupted me, annoyingly, “The docter said your wait should be almost another hour before you can see him. You’ve constsantly been asking me when and assure you, just a little longer. Now please take a seat.”

I shot the nurse a glare before waling back and sitting by Zayn again. We've been waiting for days, it seems, and they refuse to let us see Harry. If I don't see him within the next hour, heads will roll. I tried to take my mind off it but I wasn’t going to just sit and wait for them to tell me he didn’t make it. I could sense that I waas making some people a little nervous, but I didn’t give a fuck. I sood and paced in front of the boys again to avoid yelling at someone. Zayn called me over and asked, “Why don't you go ask the nurse if they’ve called Harry's family yet. It should give you something to do.” _His family?_  I suddenly felt so selfish for thinking that I was the only one that cared for Harry more than anything.

Without a second thought I walked over to the nurse from earlier. She took a look at me and sighed heavily. Before she got the chance to shoo me away again I asked, “Have you gotten in contact with Harry's family or something yet?”

“actually yes. We called his mother and sister butt only his mother was able  to make her way down. She should be here any min-”

And as if on cue, I recognized the dark haired woman walking through the door. She noticed me and ran up to give me a hug that I returned. “Oh, my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. Louis! How is Harry? Can we see him? Exactly what happened? What happened to my baby?” And just like that she began crying again. I led her over to sit between me and Zayn as we all soothed her like they had done to me. As she calmed down we explained everything that we knew about the accident.

 

More crying, hugging, nervousness, and worry blew over as the room began to clear. It was getting really late and the quietness got to Niall, Zayn, and Liam, as Niall rested his head on Liam’s leg to the left and Zayn rested his on Liam’s leg to the right.

Me and Anne were far too worried to feel the least bit sleepy, or at least I was. She noticed how I seemed the most  frightened from the incident. “Louis, stop pacing. You’ll get a headache, _love_.” _So that’s where he got it from_. I sat down next to her and apologized. “It’s okay darling. You're just worried is all. Probably more than me, which is saying something considering that I'm his mother.”

I chuckled a little as she tried to lighten the mood.

“But really sweetie, you and Harry seem to be much closer than I thought. Tell me, why is he so… significant? To you I mean.”

I gnawed on the inside of my lips as my eyes began to water. I wanted to tell her I really did. But I wasn’t sure how Harry would take it. he may be stronger than me but that doesn’t mean that he’s ready to come out to his mother yet. There is a fine line between secrets you keep with your mum, and secrets you keep to yourself. I wasn’t sure if I was allowed to cross that line or not so I simply said, “Because I love him.”

Her eyes widened along with a smile, “Love? Like what?”

 _This line was going to be crossed any way_ s. “I love him like… he’s my boyfriend. Or at least he was. I don't fuck- freaking know. And I'm sorry if you don't like it but I'm sure that he loves me just as much. Probably not as much as I love him, but just as much. He is… perfect… I – I can’t be happy without him. But apparently I can be an ass if I'm with him. Please… don't hate me, or him for that matter.” I held my face in m y hands expecting her to be at least upset, but I looked up and saw a smile that reminded me of how Harry smiled whenever I did something stupid, but right. I sat up as she gave me a much needed hug.

“I could never hate you. And to be honest, I kind of expected it from you two.” I looked up at her as she wiped my eyes along with her own, “I just never would’ve like to be told under these terms.” I chuckled lightly and sat Indian style, still facing her. “He never was in a relationship, and as much as I knew that he’d rather die than to never be in one, I figured something was strange. Then you two started hanging out a lot more. Whenever you were here while he was working I couldn’t help but notice how close you two were. Always smiling and laughing, and I just wanted to see him happy. In fact, even when the five of you boys were together you two always sat together, looking at each other.”

I blushed lightly. Were we really that obvious?

“his sister said there was something between you. Harry loved to talk about you but I guess he never thought that when you walked together, that I wouldn’t notice how you always had your hands together and then pulled away quickly when I was in the room… were you really that scared to tell me this?”

I slowly realized that I was suppose to answer that and nodded, “I wasn’t really the best in relationships and I would hate myself if I ruined your relationship with Harry. I guess I should just stop thinking about the past as often as I do.”

We spent another fifteen minutes talking about the best times between us and Harry – not daring to talk about the bad things – until a doctor came in with a clip board in his hands and said what I had been waiting all day for, “Harry Styles?”

I looked up and almost fell trying to get out of my chair and to the man in the white coat. Anne quickly followed as the other three were just stirring in their sleep, “Yeah? I – is he okay? He’s alive, right?” the doctor glanced down at the board before looking back up at us.

“Yes, Harry is still alive, but you can’t see him just yet.”

My eyes welled up again. I just wanted to see him.

“Don't worry, you can check up on him in a little but I have to warn you, he has broken his left arm fractured his right ankle. Three ribs were broken in the process, one stuck into his lung, but we managed to fix the problem. But he does have slight heart and brain damage. He may continually fall asleep at a time when his heart rate gets too high which may lead to slight insomnia when he is let out. As for his brain, he lost very little memory. But we looked into it and it should be simple details that probably don't matter. Within a week those little details should appear relevant again so he will remember everything. While we clean up and make sure his room is set up properly we will let you in. Thank you for being here, I'm sure he appreciates it more than you know.”

As I stood with my hand over my mouth, I couldn’t been more cross with myself. I was ecstatic that Harry was alive. I jumped in joy in my mind, but was just as upset as the love of my life, Harry may not even be able to live right if I end up screwing this up. I stood in front of the doctor as a million and one thoughts ran across my mind. At one point Anne noticed my lack of movement, “Breathe, love. Breathe.” She said through sobs of her own. I took in a deep shaky breath and choked on tears as I tried to do something as simple as that. As Anne walked me back to our seats, I fell apart all over again thinking _it’s all my fault, it’s all my fault. I don't know how but this is because of my stupid mouth_.

It was the longest thirty minutes of my life.

 

 

When the nurse finally let us visit Harry, I tripped over myself fumbling with the door. When I got in a nurse was checking another clipboard at the end of the bed. She looked at me and the others and softly let us know, “He’s still asleep and I'm sure the doctor told you about his heart. So please try not to overwhelm him, and be gentle. He should wake up in a little so don't worry. I’ll be back in another hour to check up on him, okay?” we all nodded as she walked out and let us in.

 As soon as I got in, I took in all his features. Cuts scattered around his face and chest, the large cast covering most of his arm, all the tubes connected to his wrist, and I hardly missed his dainty curls laying on his forehead, his slightly parted dry lips that made me want to kiss him to recovery, his chest rose and fell slowly with the beeps of the heart monitor. No matter how bad he looked, he always managed to look _flawless_. It was like some superpower he had that could pull me into a trance and never want to leave.

I brought a chair over to his left and sat, lightly grazing my thumb over his bandaged hand. I would hold his hand if I didn’t fear of breaking it. Niall came over to my side, while everyone else was on Harry's right, and swipe his thumb over my cheek. I hadn’t even realized I was crying.

_Where are all these fucking tears coming from?_

Everyone just stood watching him, paced back and forth, laid down on the couch under the window, constantly and slowly getting tired by the minute. At one point Niall and Zayn went home together thinking that, _for whatever reason_ , that they would be able to think clearer if they slept in the confines of their own bed. So now it was me, Liam and Anne. Those to fell asleep on the couch and just waited for him to wake up while I stayed stationary. Glued to his side and never taking my eyes off of his loving face.

 

It was around two in the morning when I noticed his breathing picking up a little. His head tussled left and right and he started to groan a little. Everyone was asleep but woke up when I yelled for a nurse. There was no way I was going to miss him waking up just to get some sleep.

Just as I cried for the third time for some help, those emerald eyes that I couldn’t get over fluttered open.

_The pair of forest green eyes that you could look at for only so long before falling for them._

I stood up but kept his hand in mine, my eyes trained on his, as the same nurse from hours ago rushed in to check the machine dangerously hooked up to him. Liam had walked over, Anne following suit, and watched as the nurse tampered with some papers and the complicated machine by the bed. I smiled as tears led down my cheeks _again_ and saw the look of confusion on his face. I mouthed a ‘hey’ as his eyes widened at the sight of our hands clenched together.

Suddenly someone started speaking, but Harry hadn’t stopped looking over my face before resting on my eyes.

“Good morning Mr. styles. I see you’ve woken up with a gentle start. Now I’d love to leave you with your company, but I should really tell you about what you’ll need to be aware of while you're staying here. Now first, you have…”

Her shrill voice was drowned out by Harry's. well, he wasn’t speaking but rather mouthing words back to me as the nurse said things like _medicine_ , _fast heart_ , blah, blah, blah…

‘hi Louis.’ I could imagine how rusted his voice would sound. _Slight insomnia_.

‘ you okay?’ I mouthed back. I would hate if the nurse would tell me to leave for talking over her. _Slow down at times_.

He shrugged, ‘kinda. you?’  _Mr. styles?_

I shrugged as well as we chuckled.

“Harry.” Liam said in a calm but stern voice, “She’s speaking to you. This is important.”

Harry didn’t even bother to turn his head away from mine before stating, “And I'm listening.”

I bit back a laugh knowing he wasn’t. The nurse sighed before shortening her speech and said, “just try to stay calm for the time being. Keep your heart rate down and your insomnia may not get any worse. Now I’ll be back later on today but until then, there is a button behind you to let us know if you need anything.” She turned on her heel and walked out.

I widened my smile as Harry did the same, thinking we were the only two in the building, in the world. I never knew how much I’d miss him until he was gone. And I hate that he had to almost die for me to realize that he was what I needed most. I sat back down and lightly squeezed his bandaged hand before kissing it, my lips lingering as I felt a slight pulse through his fingers. _This boy is going to be the death of me_.

I heard a faint whispering and then a small cough. “you know how much I would love to stay and spend all day taking care of you, Harry,” Anne started, “but it seems like you’ve already got someone to do that for you.” She smiled and leant down to give Harry a kiss on the top of his head and slowly waved him off.

“We’ll be getting some food and a blanket for you. Then maybe head back home so you two can fall in love all over again.” Liam chuckled. He ruffled Harry's head and gave a small ‘good luck’ before leaving with Anne.

We  turned our attention back to each other and gazed, left with our own thoughts. Harry broke the silence by sniffling a bit, “I missed you. I know it sounds kinda stupid but I really did.” He looked down for a moment then at our hands.

“If anything’s stupid, it would be that you think that missing me is stupid itself.” I chuckled and got a smile out of him.

“no, really Louis. You don't think that me… breaking up with you, you don't think that was at least the dumbest thing I could’ve ever done?” he sniffled again. I rolled my stool closer so I could kiss his frail cheeks.

“I love you no matter what, Harry. _Forever and always_ , remember? And  I know that if I hadn’t been caught up in that stupid shit then this couldn’t have happened. I would’ve never allowed it to happen. Even though I felt like shit every single second without you, after every single beer, I knew you still loved me. And I don't think that’s stupid at all.”

That brought tears to his eyes. I noticed his heart monitor beeping slightly faster than before and told him to calm down a little. He took deep breaths, closed his eyes, smiled when he opened them back up again. “I love you so much, it makes my heart wanna explode.” He chuckled. We sat in another moment in silence and deep thought. “Could you maybe lay down with me? If it’s not too much trouble… I just can’t stand being so far from you right now.” I looked down at the eleven inch of air that separated us and over to his arm.

“But your arm… it’ll hurt if I try to, and I just don’t want to raise your heart again.”

“W-what about my other side? It doesn’t hurt as bad as this arm. Please?” I looked at the bunch of wires and machinery on his other side before thinking that it wouldn’t kill me. So with Harry beaming he slowly moved over, wincing every few inches, until his left arm hit the edge of the bed. I carefully maneuvered through the wires and laid next to him, cautiously putting an arm around his neck as he attempted to put his broken one around my waist. Once we had gotten into a nearly comfortable position, Harry looked up to me, like a child on Christmas.

“I still haven’t gotten a proper kiss yet.”

I looked down at his cute but still bruised face. Cuts everywhere, and a deep one on his, now dry, bottom lip. “Well that’s because I don't want to hurt you. You're still fragile and-“

“Louis.” He said firmly. “I know you think that you're the reason for this but you're not. I don't care if it hurts, I just want you. I-I just want to be able to have you without screwing up. If anything, I'm the reason for this. Now please, _just a kiss, that’s all I’m asking_.”

I looked at his wet eyes and instantly gave in. at first I had to contain myself, gently placing my lips on his. We stayed like that for a moment before his lips started to move against me. I could taste the blood and licked over it, hoping it would make it go away. He opened his mouth a little and slipped his tongue with mine. His eyes fluttered close as we moved together. My hand went from his side to his neck, smoothing my thumb over a small cut, making him… giggle? I don't even know. As long as he was happy and in less pain, then everything is alright.

The sound of his heart monitor came to my attention again as it went faster than it had before. I quickly pulled away and looked at him as he blinked a few times, smiling in content before falling asleep. I nearly screamed for him to wake the fuck back up but then I remembered that he should wake up in a while, with a smile on his face.

So with that in my mind I fell asleep right beside him, ignoring the nurses complaints to ‘remove myself from the patient’s bed’.


	10. Chapter 10

I was literally jumping in enthusiasm when the doctor said Harry's stay would be shortened. He was meant to be here for eight weeks but he’s healing a little quicker than normal so they bumped it down to six weeks. Being that he’s been here for almost five weeks already, you could say that I was ecstatic. I'm pretty sure Harry was happy too, ‘cause when they told him, he was out like a light. I do worry about him when this happens but they say it should go away just before he leaves.

Anne has been very calm about the whole thing which was kind of  odd, but I didn’t question it. she said as long as I was around that her baby would be okay. And I believed her. Liam and Zayn have been bringing him gifts and his favorite snacks. They tried to give him his medicine but he refused to take them if I didn’t give them to him – _one of the cutest things ever_ , I thought – which was only when I bothered to go to work. That’s where Niall came in. Harry would’ve lost his mind, he told me, if he didn’t occupy him with video games – he was lucky enough to get the nurse to let him bring it in. I don't think either of us would be able t manage life if we didn’t have these three as our best friends.

“I'm pretty sure the controller just ran  out of batteries, do you know where they would keep them?” I asked. Looking through all the cabinets that weren’t locked I found none.

“You find any yet?” Harry asked fumbling with the buttons that move his bed every which way. He still hasn’t gotten the hang of it yet so he ends  up in an uncomfortable position most of the time. “if not I could always kick your ass while you're on ‘time out’.” He chuckled before yelping .

I turned around and saw his bed bent a little too far forward. “if you keep messing with the buttons like that, your stitches are gonna tear. Here, let me do it.” I walked over and pressed the button I assumed was ‘down’. As he slid back down, wincing a bit, I gave him a smug look.

He rolled his eyes. “I could’ve done that.”

I chuckled, “Is that why this is the third time I've had to do this?”

“No this is just the third time you’ve fixed it before giving me a chance to do it myself.”

Just before I could respond Niall walked in with the smell of pancakes surrounding him. Me and Harry gawked at the strawberries on the side; the silence was broken by Harry's stomach growling and Niall laughing, “Get your own plate mate, I had to wait nearly ten minutes for this.”

 Harry rubbed his hungry belly and used his baby voice, “But baby Hawwy isn’t in da wight condition to walk awound wight now…” the three of us bellowed in laughter.

“W- well why… don't you get Louis to go down for you?” after we caught our breaths he continued, “This room is starting to smell more like Louis than you.  You should really get out a bit more, Louis.”

“Plus,” Liam chirped out of nowhere at  the door, “when was the last time you went to work?”

I held my hand over my heart and flinched, “SHIT, Liam, eavesdrop much?”

He chuckled, “No eavesdropping, you guys were just loud enough for me to hear on my way here.”

“Whatever. And the last time I went to work was like early last week. I don't think it matters so much. I'm pretty sure they fired me the day after.”

Harry's eyes went wide, “ _Fired_? Well why the hell haven’t you tried to get it back?”

“No worries. I kinda fucked up, as you can already tell. Drinking, eating, sleeping on the job, missing numerous days, and I guess telling my boss to piss off isn’t the best way to keep a job. But I know I will do fine as long as I have you guys, right?”

Everyone smiled letting me know I was off the hook. “Well if you don't mind,” Liam sat next to Niall with his pudding, “I'm pretty sure Harry's still hungry and you’ve been stuck here for weeks so…”

After a small argument I made my way through the bleach white hallways to the cafeteria. It was bigger than average so it took a while for me to manage my way to find Zayn getting some ice cream. He had ‘ _irritated_ ’ written on his face while he was waiting behind a very elderly man getting his cone. I slipped in line behind him and gave him a hug from behind.

“Wha- oh, hey Lou.” He turned and gave a quick hug before turning around impatiently. “Why the sudden affection?”

“Well you seemed to be a little moody this morning, figured you needed a hug.” I laughed.

“Well I wouldn’t be moody if this fucking line would just move.” I looked over his shoulder and saw another fast moving line on the other side of the bar. I skipped my way through guiding Zayn with me until we were behind a little girl with a plate of waffles.

“Now that wasn’t too hard was it Zayn?” rolling his eyes he mumbled, “I'm just tired.”

As we walked down the halls to get back to our room, Zayn suddenly felt the urge to rush me to the opposite side of the hall and away from our destination. “What the hell Zayn? Harry's room is over there.” I pointed behind him but he continued to usher me back to the elevator.

“It’s nothing Louis. I-I… I wanted to see if they had an arcade on the floor below us.”

“Really? An arcade in a hospital?” I stopped in my tracks, nearly dropping my plate, and turned around, “We have an Xbox in our room, why do we need to go to the arcade?” Zayn stood in front of me, blocking my view from whatever was behind him. “What is it? let me see!” _damn my short height_. I finally managed to push passed him and wished I hadn’t.

 _What the fuck is Luke doing here_?

This little shit walked down the fucking hall in my effing direction with that same damned _smile_ on his smug fucking face. His pace quickened as he got closer and I nearly exploded. Images flashed through my mind and my breathing got choppy. I looked up to Zayn but he was looking down clenching and unclenching his fists, trying to keep himself from doing what I wanted to do so badly. As Luke finally made it up to us he grimaced at both of us before shaking it off and smiling again. I tried to push in front of Zayn but he turned around and gripped my shoulder,

“Louis, why don't you go back to Harry’s room while I handle this?”

I shook my head and said in a hushed voice, glancing back at the bastard, “I… I wanna talk to him. I think I should be okay. But-but please don’t leave. Just… stand behind me, yeah?” he nodded hesitantly before snarling at Luke and moving aside.

“Louis, I see you're doing-”

“What the fuck do you want Luke?” I croaked. Fucking croaked. He laughed before moving closer. I moved back a little until my back hit Zayn’s chest.

“Well I was actually visiting a friend. His dog had a nasty bite. Zayn? Do you mind-”

“Actually yes I do. What makes you think I'm going to leave him here with some twat like you?”

 Luke looked down at me, making me look down at the floor again. But before I did I saw his face. That was one of the faces he’d give me when I was acting stupid or being a bitch. God I hated that look. He lowered his voice and spoke into my ear, “You told them didn’t you?” I nodded my head slowly. He straightened up and took my arm, harshly _. I don't need another one of his fucking bruises._ “Me and Lou will be going to talk, in private.”

Just before he pulled me away, Zayn yanked my arm back an stood between us again. “I told you, I'm not leaving some fucking _sadist_ with him. Why don't you go back home and stop torturing the fuck out of him. If you haven’t noticed he doesn’t want to see you. Ever. Again.”

“Stay out of this,  this has nothing to do with you. Louis is mine and-”

“Piss off! Okay? Louis doesn’t belong to anyone! Who says you get to control him?” I slid out of Zayn’s grip as he shoved  Luke in the chest.

“ Don't fucking touch me.” He shoved Zayn back into the water fountain, but Zayn came back and punched him in the jaw, pushing him on the floor, and backed away slowly until he was standing by me again.

“We should go.” I nodded but knew that Luke was stronger than that. I knew how brutal he could be and just how quickly he could turn into a fucking monster – not that he wasn’t before.

Luke stood up and turned Zayn back around to slam his fist into his chest before pushing him against the wall and kneeing him in the stomach. Repeatedly. Speaking from experience I knew just how hard he could hit. Inside I was flipping the fuck out. I was a pathetic little shit and Luke made this obvious. I don’t know why, but I just stood there close to tears and watched, knowing if I even moved closer he would have my ass. So I did the one thing I knew when it came to my problems and ran.

 

 I got to the end of the hall, completely forgetting about the food smashed onto the floor and stopped at an elevator. I punched the buttons and turned to see Luke jogging away from Zayn’s nearly limp body and closer to me. _Fuck me_. I realized that in a haze I ran to the wrong end of the hall. Away from Harry, the only reason for me being here. _But that’s good, right? Get Luke way from Harry. Yeah. That’s right_. I tried to contain myself from kicking in the metal doors and ran left into the next open room, I tried to lock the door, only to be met with full blown brown eyes.

“Open the door Louis.” At the sound of his voice I tried to push the door with my back.

“Please just go away Luke. I-I didn’t do anything!” my foot slipped against the smooth granite and I fell, the door crushing me as Luke slowly made his way in, locking the door behind him. I whimpered and crawled – yes crawled – over the far end of the couch in the room. He followed and left barely an inch between us as he sat and gripped my knee. His hands left marks on my body that I never wanted to be reminded of, but having his hand on me brought more tears to my eyes. All I wanted was to be in Harry's soft grip. With little kisses over my face and his curly hair tickling me. The thought made me sob loudly.

“Shh, Lou, it’s okay. I'm not gonna hurt you. I just wanna talk. Can we do that without you crying like a baby?” he rubbed my thigh and put his arm around my shoulders like we were together again. He gently kissed my cheek over and over. “you're mine. I don't want you with them again. Do you understand?” I turned look at him like he was fucking insane. He must be joking.

“No.” I whispered and sniffed.

“No?” he mocked.

“No.” I slowly stood up on wobbly legs as he stayed seated to watch me intently. “No, no, no. I am not yours. I… I belong to Harry. He seems to be the only one who  cared to stick with me no matter how bitchy I was. Until I screwed up. And the only reason I did was because of you and I have had enough. I'm not going to let you terrorize me just because you're a jealous, aggressive, asshole. I love Harry. Not you. Never. I'm going to leave, and you are going to stay put.” I was finally getting my voice back but saw him eyeing me up and down and muttered a ‘please’.

Before I had the guts to turn away, he chuckled and asked, “Never?” I bit my lip and shook my head. “you never loved me?” I shook again and took in a deep breath as he stood up,

“Not even when we went to the mall and tried to see who could eat their ice cream faster?” I shook my head, slowly this time. That was a fun day for the two of us.

“Not even when I carried you from the pool and all the way back home just because you got a cramp in your leg and chlorine in your eyes?” I didn’t even bother shaking this time. We and so much fun afterwards.

“You are still mine Louis. Whether it be through kisses bruises or just memories,” He moved closer and put his hand in the crook of my neck. “Which we seem to have plenty of.” He leaned forward to give me a kiss but snapping back to the moment I stepped back and told him I was leaving. He sighed heavily and gripped my shoulder again, pushing me on the floor and got down on his knees to straddle my waist. I tried to sit up but he brought me back down with his lips on my own.

See I could never say that I never loved him, I did at certain points. When he was the good guy he would do the sweetest things and I would never forget how kind he would be. But it was times like this, when he would use force to  get what he wanted. But he rarely ever tried to force himself onto me.. no matter how crazy he would get, he had boundaries. He would never try to cross that line, which made me scared as to why he  was biting my lips and ignoring my muffled yells for him to get off. My hands pulled at his hair. Slapped his cheeks, and shoved his chest but were suddenly pinned against the ground. Luke smiled into the one way kiss. I kicked my legs as my knee made contact with his balls.  He groaned and bit my lip hard before pulling away and looking at me with glassy deep eyes. They lost their color and had gone black. It was scary.

“Get off.” I shuffled my legs again to repeat the action but stopped when he went down and bit my neck. “HARRY!” Luke sto- mmm…” Holy fuck. _I did not just moan to this fucking psycho_. I did and unfortunately Luke noticed. He knew me all too well. I bit my lip as he chuckled darkly. We both stopped and turned our heads as the door slammed wide open.

“GET THE FUCK OFF HIM!” Niall ran in and kick Luke off me in the harder than a fucking horse. Following after was a limping Zayn and a beefy male nurse. Zayn came over to my side and pulled me up with shaky hands. Niall had tackled Luke and began punching him left and right. Call him what you will but sometimes Niall’s anger got the best of him in the  loudest ways.

“Are you okay? He didn’t hurt you too bad did he? Oh my god your neck. Louis!” he gave me a tight hug that I gracelessly gave back as the nurse pulled the two fighters off each other and through the door. Two security officers came by and took Niall and Luke separate ways. The nurse led me and Zayn back downstairs to the  lounge, that no one happened to be in, and left for a few minutes. Zayn looked at me with sad eyes and asked again, “What happened?”  I  briefly explained what happened without breaking down again and ended as soon as the nurse came back with an upset Niall by his side. Niall sat next to Zayn and buried his face in his boyfriends neck.

“Now according to what we’ve seen,” the nurse sat across from us, “we’re going to have to ask the three of you to leave. We already have Luke out of the building and on his way either to the police department or straight home. We can’t allow violence here. I'm sure you have your reasons but it’s for the best. Each of you will be leaving after you pick up your belongings in Mr. Styles room. But I think I could get them to let you back in for his last two days.” He gave a sad smile and walked out through the double doors.

I gnawed at the inside of my cheeks as I turned my head to the ceiling, blinking back the many tears on their way. I nearly lost my mind when I had to wait hours to see him all battered and bruised and now I have to wait nearly a week to see him nice and – mainly – healthy. Just fucking perfect.

Niall noticed my distress and asked the question I get asked ever so often –‘Are you okay’.

I ignored him and stood up to toss one of the potted plants out the window. I have issues, I'm aware o f that, but I was just not in the mood to care. I looked as the dirt and flower fell out before smashing to bits on h concrete. We were only on the third floor but I'm glad it didn’t hit anyone. That would’ve gotten me kicked out for good. Without a word being said, I walked out and made my way to see Harry,

 

I made it to his door but hesitated going in. My hand was on the handle but before I opened it I heard Harry loudly asking, “Where’s Louis? That’s all I wanna know!”

Liam’s deep voice answered, “I don't know Harry, calm down. Niall just went to look for him, I'm sure he’s on his way. Now take a deep breath, your heart is-”

“I know, I know.” It was silent for a moment before I slowly creaked the door open and met Harry's enthralled eyes. He threw on a smile and started breathing deeper and tore his arms wide open, inviting me for a hug with a soft laugh. I walked over and wrapped my arms around his sides breathing in his scent. Kissing his temple I sat beside him and praised him for being able to keep himself down without passing out.

“Yeah, the nurse that usually comes in said I need to be able to do this myself. I guess she was a little moody for having to monitor five grown men for the past few weeks. But it'll all be worth it as long as you're here for the next week.”

I smiled at his beaming face. I wasn’t just going to leave him like this. It would be doing more harm than help. And that’s all I wanted to do. Help Harry get better so I could bring him back home to kiss, and laugh, and hug, and do anything we want. But I either had to leave then or I would have to wait even longer to see him. “Yah, babe about that,” I started immediately feeling guilty as his face faltered. I noticed Liam out of the corner of my eye listening on the other side of the bed. “uh, me and Niall and Zayn gotta go. Like today.”

They both cocked their head a little. Harry stuttered out, “um, o-okay. For how long? I mean you- you're coming back later today right?”

His heart rate didn’t move too fast, or at least as fast as I expected, so that meant he was really doing good. But that’s what I didn’t want to miss. I wanted to see him when he gets his bandages off and when he tries to walk on his casted foot needing me to hold onto for support. I know less than a week can go by really fast if you're patient enough but I just couldn’t do it. it may seem a bit obsessive but it is what it is.

“Louis?” Liam snapped me out of my daze.

“oh, uh no. the three of us kinda got into a bit of a mess and the hospital doesn’t allow… fighting.”

“You gotten into a fight? With who?”

“When did this happen?”

“uh, its… me and Zayn were walking down the hall and… you see Luke was there too and-”

“oh my god.” Liam dragged a hand down his face. But Harry- Harry just sat there blinking, with a grip on my hand. But t want pressured or anything. I looked at his expression which looked like he was just – there.

“Luke was there? Well what happened?” Liam asked glancing between the both of us.

“Well he and Zayn started fighting so I just ran around the floor for a bit and got into a room but Luke got there  and kinda just… talked to me. It wasn’t painful or anything, well not completely but, but he just… ugh. Anyways, I guess Zayn called Niall and he came in and started beating up Luke and one thing led to another and now the three of us have to leave by the end of today.”

I noticed Harry’s wandering eyes and so did Liam, “Haz? You okay?” he asked.

“Yeah, yeah, I'm just kinda lost. Luke… who was he, exactly?” holy fuck. I bit back  my lip in a pang of confusion, then jealousy. The doctor said he  may not remember some things but out of all people, he forgets Luke? I wasn’t more upset that he didn’t remember but more so that he had the benefit of not knowing who Luke was. Me and Liam exchanged looks of surprise. He  mouthed to me ‘What do we say?’ I furrowed my brows before simply saying, “He’s nobody, love, just some stupid asshole. Pease just try not to think about it too much.” Harry nodded as Niall walked back in mumbling incoherents as Zayn followed with a cupcake.

“We kind forgot about your food and we couldn’t find a decent line so I figured this should suffice.” He handed Harry the red and white cupcake and stood at the foot of the bed with Niall, who was thumbing at Harry's toes.

“thanks, but it’s not like you're gonna be gone until I'm let out right?”

Niall shook his head, as I answered, “No, sorry babe. They said we need to be gone for a few days. But just in time for us to see you before you're all better. We get to come back for your last two days. So it may not be as long as you think. I'm sure you're mum and Liam will be able to get your mind off of this.” We all exchanged small smiles and looked back at Harry trying to lick off the  creamy red icing on his cupcake.

Liam took the opportunity to say, “We just wanna make  sure that you end up standing up right in the end.” He patted Harry's back and nudged his so the cupcake came in contact with his face. “Gee, thanks.” Harry lifted his face slowly to reveal icing all over his mouth and nose, some falling off his chin and in his lap. Everyone kinda failed at holding back their laughter as Harry wiped a large dollop off his cheek and onto my forehead before kissing it away. Overly dramatic awe’s and fake gags echoed in a comical way lightening my mood instantly.

The rest of the hour – got caught laying in Harry's bed again and apparently had crossed too many lines – was spent finishing up a few fifa games and having stupid food eating contests, ignoring the time limit until we had to gather our stuff and give a stuffy group hug around Harry and walk back home in a comfortable silence knowing we could see him again sooner or later.

I still crossed my fingers for sooner, though.


	11. Chapter 11

“I told you it wouldn’t work. “ I laughed as Zayn tried to pull my jeans up over my velcro-cast-shoe-thing.

“I know, I know. It was really early and I guess I overlooked it. I’ll call Lou. He and Li should be on his way back from the store. Maybe he can bring back your sweats.” Giving up he pulled back down the pants and put them back on their bag. “Let’s go get breakfast,” Niall chirped sitting next to his boyfriend, “I’m starved”

“As usual. But so am I, so let’s go.” I pulled on my Rolling Stones t-shirt and the baggy, oversized, kinda scratchy hospital pants. Hospitals just aren’t my thing, but at least it was my last day. We made our way down to the cafeteria and as the smell of pancakes and bacon punched me in the face, Niall jogged to get in line, taking the best waffles he could find.

“C’mon Haz, you don't wanna end up behind all the slow people.” Zayn tugged me with him making me limp faster than I would’ve liked. Once we did get back to my room with extra plates for the other two, we turned on the TV and ended up in another minor food fight. Not a day goes by when my usual nurse scowls at us for being ‘immature’. When Niall threw a sausage aimed my face but hit said woman instead, getting it down her top. She was beyond pissed.

“I am so sorry ma’am, I just-” Niall tried to apologize but added up cackling. Me and Zayn stood biting back our laughter as she pulled the half eaten meat from her shirt in disgust when it left a string of syrup. She tossed it away and looked back at us before explain,

“I was… what the hell? Can I not go a day without having to babysit you dumbasses?! I mean seriously – no.” she took a deep breath and shifted her clipboard in her hands to write something down. “I came here to let you know that you could leave by around noon but I don't think I can handle another four hours so you can leave at nine.” I hung my head in fake shame, laughing on the inside _. Just two more hours of this place then I'm gone!_ She came over and harshly took my casted hand and tore the Velcro off in frustration.

“Hey- Ow!” her nails dug into my wrist as she ripped the gauze wrapped around it. she pressed her thumb in a few areas and took it away to write something else down. I smirked and wiggled my now-free fingers as they tingled all over.

“There. Leave the cast on your foot for a few more days then you're done.” She gathered a few things off of the counter and made her way to the door. “Thank you!” I noted and got the finger in return. She left the rest of us in bubbling laughter.

“what was that about?” I turned around and met my lovely blue eyed, tanned skin, bright smiling _(I could go on and on about this guy)_ boyfriend and enveloped him in a quick hug

“Nothing much. Just the nurse finally ticked.” I pulled away with a firm but soft kiss I looked back and noticed the sweats that he pulled out. I beamed and gave him a hug before snatching them and changing quickly into the fleece-like clouds of pants. “You guys are amazing. These are the most comfortable pants I own! Where did you find them? They’ve been missing for months!”  I crawled onto the bed to sit next to Louis smoothing my hands over my warm knees.

“Well Lou was looking for a towel to clean up some juice he spilled but didn’t wanna use a goo towel so he looked in one of the closets and to the very back were your pants.” I didn’t know why they were there but considering that they were still in such good condition, I couldn’t care less.

“you know I love you right?” I pecked Louis on the cheek and stuffed my head in the crook of his neck.

“Yeah I know.  See you got your hand back. Does that mean your foot is god too?”

“No, I still have a few days before I have to take it off. I just wanna go home and get it over with though.”

And if my day couldn’t get any better the doctor came in with the nurse by his side and said,

“Hello Mr. Styles and friends. It seems like you may be getting a much earlier release than scheduled due to fast recovery and complaints.” He glanced at the still fuming nurse, “I also happen to know that not many people would prefer to be in a hospital so I guess this would be best for everyone I just…” he flipped through his papers as I bit my lip and felt Louis squeeze my hand, “Yup! You're good to go! Thank you for your cooperation and I hope to see you again, under different terms of course.” He waved us off as I screeched a thanks and laid back feeling relieved.

After a quick celebration of complaining about some of the rules and uncomfortability of the building, we gathered all my cards and stuffed animals and snacks  that I had yet to eat. We skipped – they skipped, I limped – down to the lobby and crammed into Liam’s car and got back to me and Louis’ place as pretty much everyone was smiling far more than I probably was. _I know I should be happy to be home but it’s not that big of  a deal_. I shrugged it off and laid back, hands intertwined with Louis’.

When we got home I noticed why the excitement: they made an eight foot snowman in the front of the building, with a great view from my bedroom window. Its eyes were stones with green chalk, the mouth had two huge stones at both ends that were meant to be dimple, they used one of my thinnest red sheets as a scarf that hung a foot above the ground, the stick arms had a bag tied to the ends, and to top it off, they put shades of red and brown leaves on top to ‘match my hair’. It was wonderful. I opened the bag hanging from the right arm and got three of Niall’s delicious homemade chocolate marshmallow cookies, and in the other I got a large green teddy bear to match the blue on I got Louis moths beforehand.

The first thing I did was give it a huge hug, nearly knocking it over, then turned to see Louis taking pictures.

“Knock it off with the pictures, I don't look nearly as good as you guys,”  I struck a ’sexy’ model pose with a duck face,  “ now shoot.”

 As we bubbled in laughter in the cool winter air, each striking poses with ‘frozen Harry’, I didn’t fail to notice how Louis’ gaze would always end on me and then turn to take another picture.

While the other three ensued in a snowball fight I managed to sneak my arms around him and stumble out of their line of sight. I gave Louis a breathtaking kiss, slowly bringing my cold fingers to his heated waist as he kissed back tenderly with his hands cupping my chin. I pulled away only a little to ask, “do I even need to ask who decided to put this together?” Louis giggled and gave me another peck.

“Well Niall thought of making a giant snowman so I had to help when he got lazy, and Li mentioned that it’d be better if you could see it every morning so I made sure it was right. Zayn of course did the extra decorations, with my help. So ya. You could say that.” He gave his signature smirk and pulled me back down for another kiss.

 

I sucked his tongue in as his eyelashes fluttered against my cheek and casually brought it up to an make out session that was only interrupted when more flashes and whistling brought us apart.

“Hey, You wouldn’t like it if we took pictures of you two snogging out in the open would you?” Niall took one more flash and handed Liam back his phone with Zayn biting his grin. 

Liam stepped up and gave me a warm hug, “Glad to see that you're feeling better than better, but you and Lou seem to need a little sexy time so we’ll leave you to it. I blushed and turned to see Louis laughing and giving him a hug as well.

“Ya, I hope you enjoy the view though, bye Haz.” Zayn and Niall said following Liam leaving me and Louis to each other’s company. We stood and stared as we thought of the same thing until he spoke first.

“I love you so much, I can’t even think straight.”

I remember playing this game a few days back and argued, “I love you so much I'm willing to step on nails.”

He chuckled and stepped closer, “I love you so much my head is bound to explode.”

“I love you so much I don't think there’s even a word for it.”

It was cheesy but fun none the less, “I love you so much,” and he left it at that and let his tongue – not that it wasn’t already but… yea. He gripped m y sides and pulled me in for a hard kiss. Licking my lip and slithering in to go against mine. I smoothed my hands down his chest and to the front of his pants, lightly palming him. He let his jaw go slack as he moaned, both of us getting harder by every movement. I licked into his open mouth and danced on his strawberry flavored teeth.

“Love you so fucking much Lou.”

He hummed began grinding into me searching for more friction and _oh my god it has been way too long since we've done this it feels so good_. I bit his lip and heaved his thighs up to settle around my waist, not once breaking contact, not even when his small fingers traveled under my jacket and over my nipple.

I lightly trotted up the steps and fumbled with the keys and got inside not bothering to lock the door properly. Louis, impatient as he is, jumped down  and tugged my arm to the bedroom, shedding both our clothes - minding my foot – and straddled me on the bed.

“So fucking sexy Haz, I can’t believe it.” He grinded harder down letting his hands fly around my skin. I pushed his hips against mine and fell back panting into his mouth. Louis brought his lips to my neck, to my chest, to all the little scars scattered but fading, and stopped to kiss tentatively at the butterfly on my abdomen. He left a few love bites over my waist and kissed at my thighs. I brought my hand to hair and tried to nudge it over a little but he looked up at me with a grin and took my fully hard cock into his hands. “So fucking big.”  His thumb and index lightly stroked up and down as he peppered it with kisses and licks.

“Still a bloody tease I see.”

He chuckled and quickly went down on me as far as he  could, until his nose met my pelvis, all in one move. He came up with a pop and licked a long stripe along the sides and sucked hard at the head. My hands began to fist at his hair as he bobbed his head up and down, going faster and faster. I bucked up slightly and nearly came when the tip his the back of his throat but his hands brought me back down. He pulled his head back up panting heavily with a long string of saliva connected between his lip and my cock. He licked his lips. I muttered  string of fuck’s trying not to come at the sight but it was short lived once he put his mouth back onto the tip and lightly licked at the slit. I came hard into his mouth as he swallowed it all down, leaving some on his chin. He kissed my softening length and moved up my chest and to my mouth, letting me bask in my own bitter-sweet come.

“Want you to fuck me,” he gasped. I looked between us and noticed he was still fully hard and lightly stroking himself. “please,” I nodded and flipped us over and pressed rushed kisses all over his body, over every tattoo, and licked all over his hard cock standing and waiting for attention. I sucked softly on the head and ran my fingers over the slit, collecting some of the pre-come. I went lower and threw his hips over my shoulders and darted out my tongue to trace circles around the tight muscle. His hands scrambled out for something so I reached up and gave him my hand as I prodded to enter his oversensitive hole. When I did I felt his heat on my mouth as he clenched and unclenched. I pulled away only to find myself hard again. He pushed his hip back down for more but I reached into the drawer to find the lube that we eventually bought after finding that spit didn’t do it justice just as much.

I slathered myself up and crawled up to crash my lips onto Louis’ sloppily, distracting him from the sudden pain of my tip sliding past his rim.

“Fuckfuckfuck… Harry…” he moaned. I slowly slid in inch by inch kissing his neck until I bottomed out. After a moment I slid back out and slammed back in again, loving the sound of Louis’ dirty mouth. My slow and steady rhythm began to increase as I searched for a different angle. I hunched his thighs back over my waist and hit that bundle of nerves watching as Louis’ mouth formed an ‘O’ to look like he was yelling, but all that came out was one long moan. I dragged back out slowly and slammed in again. With this new rhythm I had Louis beginning to unravel and claw at my chest as his reddened lips was sucked into my mouth.

I began to go all the way and thrust in and out hitting his prostate every time and sometimes making him move up the bed. Letting my hand replace his on his cock, I stoked at a completely different beat, listening to each other’s heavy pants.

“H-Harry… I-shit-I-I-I I'm gonna-” he stuttered out to the timing of my thrusts against my lips.

“Want you to come for me baby,”

And just like that he was coming hard in loud movements and frantic noises with glassy eyes. Feeling him clench hard on me I felt my stomach tingle again and went at an uncoordinated rate, chasing after my own orgasm. I hit his prostate one more time before coming for the second time in a long time. I slowed down and rested on my elbows on either side of his head, giving little kisses on every inch of skin I could reach. He started giggling when I kissed a ticklish spot behind his ear. I pulled out and away to join his laughter and laid us on our sides to face each other.

I looked him up and down one more time and pecked his nose. He curled up into my chest, pressing a few warm kisses. I ignored the stickiness between us and let him nuzzle his head into my neck with his arms around my waist and mine around his shoulders. This moment was one that I never wanted to let go of. And there was nothing more I wanted other than my Louis and only Louis.

“Love you so much.” I whispered

“Forever and always.” He returned and I felt him smile against my chest and heard his breathing steady.

And we fell asleep like that with a grin on our faces to meet each other with when we wake up.

 

 

“God what time is it?” I mumbled under my breathe. I turned over to the clock for the third time.

_5:57._

_Fuck. I could’ve sworn that I had taken my meds. Did I?_ I quietly detangled myself from the warm pile of love net to me and trudged around to the living room. We didn’t really have time to arrange things before what led to later events. I checked in the kitchen, under the couch and by the TV, but couldn’t find it. I took one last check and found the white bottle inscribed Harry styles - insomnia. I didn’t like the name and having to be thought as an insomniac but at least I wasn’t dead. _Morbid I know_.

I took the required amount and crawled back into bed without waking him up. I still couldn’t go to sleep.

 _6:09._ I got up again, contemplating on putting pants on or not. Walking into the kitchen with warm legs I heated up some milk and added some sugar, knowing that in due time the pills would work. It took an hour and a half but eventually I did manage to get some sleep in.

I woke up much later than intended to the sound of a loud clink. I had rolled over and knocked over a cup of apple juice and nearly an entire plate of bacon and partially-burnt grilled cheese sandwiches.  I looked on the ground and took note of to clean it up later but got distracted by the oozing cheese and strong scent of bacon. As I moved over to pick up a bite the sunlight blinded me making me push the plate to the ground. the one thing that hadn’t fell upside down on the ground was a chunk of the sandwich that I caught in my hand.

“Harry?... Harry! It’s about time you got up, I made you…oh” his silence turned into muffled laughter as he came around and picked up the plate and cup.

“Don't laugh, I'm not really the best coordinated in the morning.”

“Haz, it’s like twelve in the afternoon. I made this to wake you up at around ten.”

“Aw, thanks babe,” I brought him down for a kiss with my cleaner hand, “don't worry about the food, I can get it up. I was thinking about taking you out somewhere so why don't you get ready for me, and I’ll follow.”

Louis immediately jumped in excitement and started hounding me with questions about what it was. I responded with, “it’s a surprise love. You're gonna have to wait.” And he whined in the loudest way possibly but maintained the ability to be so cute while doing so and finally gave in to rush to the shower. I put the bits of bread and cheese that was in my hand in my mouth, it was actually really good - despite Louis being able to burn toast if he wasn’t truly focused. I gathered up the mess and headed downstairs to clean up.

When I finished picking up the mess, I joined Louis in the shower. After getting dressed Louis began to ask what the surprise was.

“I just wanna know! I promise if you tell me then I won’t bother you about it the rest of the way there.” I stopped at the door and picked up my jacket. I turned around to see him holding out his pinky with his other hand in the air as proof that he wasn’t going to cheat. I walked over and wrapped my pinky around his and kissed it.

“We’re going,” I pulled him out of the door and locked it, “out. There that’s your surprise.”

He stood there and pouted like the five year old he is and huffed,

“That’s not fair! You cheated!”

I kissed his pout and smirked, “ _All’s fair in love and war_.”

 I brought him down the stairs and stopped at the bottom when he let go and stood with his arms crossed over his chest. “I'm not leaving this spot until you at least give me hint as to where we’re going.”

“Fine then.” I turned and pushed my back to his chest, swiftly pushing his calves to rest around my waist so I ended up giving him a piggy back ride. He shouted for me to let him down but his laughter said otherwise so I brought him towards the parking lot and jumped around and spinning as much as my casted foot would let me. I ran under trees that would hit jus above his beanie as he hid his face and muffled giggles in my neck. I laughed at our immaturity and kicked up some of the snow, wincing just a bit whenever his legs pushed agaanist a scar but laugh when he pressed kisses to the base of my neck. _I couldn’t have been happier_.

“Louis?.......Louis! ohmygodohmygod Louis!”


	12. Chapter 12

I turned around to see a man following a dark haired woman that resembled Louis so much it would be hard to not see them as relatives.

“Dad? OH MY GOD, MUM! It’s been forever!” Louis squeezed my arm and jumped off my back to sprint to his parents.  As they huddled together in the middle of the blanketed parking lot for a group hug I limped over slowly deciding not to join in on the hug. It was only when Louis noticed my presence again did he pull away and introduce me.

“Oh, mum, dad, this is my _friend_ Harry.” I replayed the phrase in my head.

The woman extended her hand as I shook it, “Hello Harry, lovely to meet you. I'm Louis’ mum, Jay.”

_His friend?_

His father did the same, “Yes and I'm his stepfather Troy. We were actually on our way to see his sisters a few towns over but stopped to see a quick friend who luckily lives in this area.”

‘Your friend?’ I mouthed to Louis, not out of anger but curiosity. ‘Please.’ He replied with wary eyes.

“Oh, we should call the girls! They would love to see you Louis!” Jay screeched.

“I think you left your phone in the car,” troy stepped to the side, “c’mon.”

As they jogged to their car I asked, “Sooo… they don't know.”

Louis looked down to his feet like they were the most interesting thing s in the world, fiddling with his fingers. “No… I'm so sorry! I-I just never felt like it was the right time and I kinda, may have moved away just to avoid this so…” he trailed off his voice going back down.

“Hey hey,” I brought his chin up and pecked his lips for a split second when his parents turned the corner. “it’s okay. Can you tell me why?”

He huffed and switched his weight onto his  other side, “Well when I was younger, I brought my friend over and he was gay but I didn’t really know about this kinda stuff so we just hung out. And then my mum comes in, right? And just _glares_. My friend, he liked to were shades of purple and at the time we were playing with cars. I took the Ferrari and he took the _pink Barbie car_ that my sister left laying around. I didn’t realize until a few years later that the glare wasn’t just to look for caution but like he was going to do something, which he didn’t of course.”

I took a few moments to let the thought settle in, “But is that really a big reason to move miles away to hide?”

Louis shook his head like he was shaking away a bad memory, “it kinda wasn’t but a few years later in 5th grade, when I knew I was gay, I brought over another friend of mine who was also the only other one I knew in the school. Now he was proud and loud about it but we partnered up for a project in school and agreed to meet at my place. I was a little hesitant but figured neither of my parents would be home for a few hours. Well my dad got home early and does _the most fucked up thing_. My friend was painfully, obviously gay and had no problem flirting with me out in the open, but it was mainly just for games so I let it go. My dad gets home and just as he opens my bedroom door he finds my friend kissing me on the corner of my lips. Not even an actual kiss, but my dad thought otherwise.”

At this point, Louis’ eyes were glassy with tears. He blinked them back.

“he runs in , flings his backpack across the room, pulls him up by his collar and pushes him on the carpet out of my room. I stayed on my bed and listened to him yelling about bringing himself onto me like it was the worst possible thing. I still can’t believe I didn’t do anything about it. He slammed the door shut and came back up to me and asked why I was shaking. I mean I nearly just saw him beat the crap out of one of my friends! What am I suppose to do? He thought I was just freaking out because of the almost-kiss so I just let it go. I kinda hate myself for that. I never came out because I was afraid that he would do the same to me, even though I was his _step_ son, I was still scared and just a bit self-conscious about myself and was pretty sure I would have nowhere else to go at my age with my no-skills. So as soon as I was able to live by myself I took the opportunity _and left_.”

His voice choked up at the end and pushed at my face as he let himself fall against my chest letting stray tears finally fall. His hands fisted my jacket as his breathing got choppy and his shoulders shook. I kissed his cheeks his forehead his hair, anywhere o relieve the pain. It’s as if life just wants him to lose. Well I wasn’t going to let it. He’s had enough.

But as usual my brain has different ways of doing things and I soon found myself saying, “Now Louis… look at me babe, I'm going to go upstairs inside. I want you to come out to your parents,”

He pulled away from my chest and frantically shook his head no. Just complete insanity spilled through my mouth but somewhere in my mind I knew he could do this,

“I want you to say anything you have to, or at least want to, and if they do anything, anything, I want you to look up at the window to the living room and see me. If anything happens, I will not hesitate to run outside and kick somebody’s ass, okay. I love you too much to let you have to live in hiding or whatever. Now please. Trust me.” He took a long shaky breath and slowly nodded.

“Okay… okay, I can do this, yeah?”

“Yeah.” I assured him.

“And it’s not like he’s going to kick me out, I already left.”

“Can’t control you.”

“I'm going to stand my ground and let it all out.”

“All of it.” once we heard the shrill evil laughter - probably mocking how crazy people are for not being the same - of Troy and Jay, did Louis flip his shit.

“Ohmygod,” he began rubbing his eyes and brushing his shirt and wiping the marks that my lips left even though you couldn’t even see them. “I can’t do this, Harry, my mum is going to hate me and my dad is going to kill me! I don't wanna do this alone, I don't wanna do this ever! Why don't we just go back inside? Yeah? Just get out of here, I'm sure they’ll-”

I cut him off with a solid punch in the mouth with mine, feeling him melt into the touch. I brought my hand to his shoulder and let the kiss last five more long seconds before pulling back, rubbing my thumb along his lip and watched his eyes flutter back open.

“At least stand out here for a good three minutes or so. If you're not at least mentally murdered by then, then I’ll come back and we’ll never have to do this again.”

Louis nodded still lost in his own kiss filled daydream. I pecked him one last time  and held his pinky in my own and promised that I’d never let anything happen to him. I stood a bit closer to hide our hands before his parents came back into view. The closer they got the more I tensed up. _What if he’s crazier than Louis says? What if Jay ends up telling the rest of his family that he’s abnormal?_ I stopped thinking once they got into hearing distance,

“I need to go back inside for something real quick. You don't mind you?”

“Of course not. Just means we get more time with our Lou-bear!” she grabbed Louis’ empty hand and squeezed it. I took all I could not to grimace and yank him away from her. Instead I splashed on a fake smile and tugged at our linked fingers to remind him, and slowly pulled and walked upstairs. I got through the door and rushed inside to look out the window and see Louis glancing up at me and then to his parents awaiting for the right time to do something, anything.

 

 

The first thing I noticed was the sudden fists in Troy’s hands. Louis began talking with a smile and soon went into a thin line. Jay was first to tilt her head and chuckle, I guess, in disbelief. Louis seemed to repeat the phrase. Things went in a downwards spiral from there.

Troy flexed his arms and frantically threw them all over the place while Jay stayed calm but shook her head none the less. Troy pushed her away and began pacing back and forth, as Jay began holding Louis’ shoulders with a distressed face. Louis looked like he was in all forms of discomfort. Sad his parents reacted the way they did, confused as to _why_ they acted the way they did, happy that the first thing that happened wasn’t a punch to the face, and just a wreck tied up together. He pushed his moms hands away and tried to comfort his dad but he only did the same and pointed a finger at him.

I could hear little murmurs meaning that he was raising his voice. Louis looked up at me for help before yelling back at his father. I could see that Jay was trying her hardest to smile and I swear she did for like a split second before having it form back into a grimace again. Troy began ranting off again as Louis kicked at the snow before he had enough. He stomped - probably pretty loudly - and shoved his father. Jay came in to intervene but Louis just moved back so he was facing them both.

He began talking, and talking with the most emotion in his eyes. He paused to look at me and pointed a finger at my window and grinned. I returned the favor with a nod so he could continue. He kept ranting off,  giving off short puffs of air you could see in the winter breeze so you could tell he was running out of breath, but he kept going. He was a steam engine and was only shut off when Troy put a finger up for him to stop speaking.

He got close, a little too close. He put his finger in front of Louis’ face and I nearly ran out to tackle him down but Jay had noticed me in the window. She gave a weak frown and shook her head before looking back at Louis, then at me. I never thought I’d see either of them do it based on what Louis told me and what I've seen, but she nodded. Not in agreement but at least in acceptance I hope. If only Troy could at least half of a quarter as almost understanding as she nearly was.

I stood up, knowing I was about five minutes past what I said before I saw Troy back up clenching and unclenching his hands and stomping away, being sure to kick up some snow at every stop. Jay slowly followed after taking one last look at Louis and gave his hand one last squeeze before following after her monster of a husband.

I looked around the corner until I could see them no more and also unclenched my fists that I didn’t even remember clenching. I looked back down at Louis as I saw tears in his yes again and his beaming smile. I chuckled, grabbed my keys and made my way down the steps with my arms wide only to have Louis jump and tackle me to the snow once I got into the softer area. He rolled us over so he was on me peppering me with little kisses as I gave him praises here and there. It couldn’t have gone better, his smile grew making his eyes look closed and his face look strained, I started laughing and got him going as well.

“I can’t believe I did that! It didn’t feel nearly as horrifying as I thought it was going to be. I just said it and he got pissed and she got sad and I just-just- thank you.”

He paused for a moment to look at me in the eyes with such happiness and ease, like there was nothing else to ruin his life - which there weren’t.

“Thank you so much Harry.” He kissed my nose, “thank you for helping me forget about these other assholes,” my forehead, “thanks for being my _bestest_ best friend ever,” my cheek “for being so fucking _cute_ ,” my other cheek, “and for everything. _I love you. Forever and always_ and-”

I cut him off with a gentle kiss and pulled him against my chest.

“I love you too, and you are soso welcome. I'm happy I got to be the one to be with you. I honestly don't know what I’d do without you.”

“Be bored out of your fucking mind most likely.” Louis chuckled.

“Most definitely.”

 We laid like that for a few minutes, me rubbing circles in his hips, him tracing the tattoos he must've memorized over my coat. We relaxed until I realized that we were on our way to go somewhere. I pulled Louis up and led him back to the car.

“I'm pretty sure I should drive. Can you even feel anything in your right foot?”

“I can a little. It tingles a lot but its only badly fractured, not completely broken. But if you drive then it’ll ruin the surprise!” I whined but Louis just shook his head.

“I believe I should know where we’re going as a reward for what I just went through. Hm?” Louis batted his eyelashes. _Damn this boy is going to be the death of me_.

 Sighing I gave in, “Remember those few days you were sick when I was going to take you to our surprise date?” he bit his lip and concentrated before nodding, “I was going to take you to the amusement park. You seem like a childish and immature person for your age and I just love that about you. I got a little upset cause I kinda had the whole date in my head. Face painting, lots of junk food and Ferris wheels, but you were sick and as soon as you got better it started storming. Then… something happened… I don't know, but the idea just drifted off into the back of my head. I thought about it again though, after you, Niall, and Zayn had to leave. Liam brought a good movie but fell asleep through it. I couldn’t go to sleep and ended up thinking ‘ _fuck, we didn’t really do anything for Lou’s birthday did we?_ ’ I remembered the date and thought of this”

Louis looked at me with a smile but curious eyes. I huffed and laid my head on the steering wheel.

“In short, this is a late second date for us, a late birthday gift for you and an early birthday gift for me.” I looked to the side to see him smiling more. “What? It’s stupid isn’t it? ”  he chuckled and got out of the car. _I was just joking, what is he-_? He opened my side of the door and pulled me out. Standing and getting a good look at me he gave me a breathtaking hug.

I hesitantly returned the favor wondering why this was so emotional for him.

“I’m sorry, I just - I was going to do the exact thing for your birthday and I just freaked thinking you would hate it or think it was all cheesy or boring and if I put too much or too little effort into it. But hearing you say that you’ve been waiting months to do this relieves my sudden anxiety.”

“Great minds think alike huh?” I added.

“Guess so.”

“Wait does this mean you thought my idea was cheesy and boring?” I asked as I thought more.

“Course not, just means that you are just as easily amused as I am.” He retorted with an Eskimo kiss.

 

 We were lucky to live near the year round amusement park that I've been to countless times but found myself going less and less very year. Louis’ childish antics would be enough to last a week or two but there was something about this old fashioned park that made me feel so... _young_ , for lack of better words

After hours of nonstop, piss-your-pants rollercoaster rides and stuffing our faces with pounds of ice cream - not that it wasn’t cold enough but because there were flavors we've never even heard of - and funnel cake, we went and got our faces painted.

Louis couldn’t make up his mind so he got half his face painted like the Cheshire cat - only the smile and whiskers - so when he was really sure he could come back and get the other half painted the same or something different. It seemed to freak a couple little girls out but I loved it and managed to hide my obvious laughter. The artist persuaded me to at least get a mustache that swirled all around my cheeks.

Mine was also amazing but I couldn’t help but be hesitant about it. The painter looked way too familiar for me to be comfortable. His brown smoothed over hair and all too nice smile made me weary, but his dark _green_ eyes weren’t something I was familiar with so I just assumed he was someone else though.

We walked off and around to settle ourselves and jumped on a few slower rides. We got into the little teacup rides and nearly fell asleep when the speakers started playing carousel music. I got my phone out when Louis began to nod off on the far side of the teacup with his head propped on his arms and the sunset in the background just behind the Viking ride midair with other screeching kids flailing their arms around as a light shudder of snow got thrown at some kids back. Louis noticed my phone flash and smiled at the most perfect moment possible letting me see the double smile spread across his face. Immediately, I saved the picture as my phones wallpaper and made a mental note to see if I could get it printed out as an actual photo at some point.

We woke ourselves up a bit by playing some of the small games with bright moving lights and loud ‘ _WINNER WINNER’_ alarms. Louis made an excuse to go somewhere while I got a cookie and when he got back he smashed a large plush lion with a multicolored mane and mouth the size of my head, in my face letting the frizzes on the sides tickle my mustache.

“Louis! I love it!” I cuddled and squished it into my chest giving Louis a small kiss, followed after the child-sized lion’s kiss. “How the hell did you get this?! I was playing that stupid ring toss game for fifteen minutes, how the hell you get it in only five?”

Louis switched his weight to his other side and messed with the doll’s long soft tail, “Well I didn’t buy it off the carnie, if that’s what you’re thinking,” I chuckled at his accurate guess, “I played a few rounds and knew it wasn’t going anywhere so I saw this girl with that lion and, um, gave her a twenty for the lion knowing you’d be ecstatic once you had it in your arms. Do you love me even more now?” he beamed and scratched at the edge of the paint near his ear.

I looked at his whisker and whispered, “Never. I don't think I could ever love you more than I did before. But I think I have to pay a six year old to get you a huge stuffed animal now, because there’s no way I'm going to play those rip off games after wasting nearly fifty bucks tonight.”

We shared a laugh. I kissed his forehead and led him over to the enormous shining Ferris wheel.

“Really? Ferris wheel? That’s cheesy. Even for you Haz.” Louis held back his laughter and leaned on my side, now holding the lion.

“Ya, well I figured this would be the best ride for pictures. Hey were going to have a few fireworks for some kids birthday and the now would be a nice addition.” I handed the guy the ticket and slid into the cart with Louis.

“Were the pictures of me as the cardboard mermaid cutout not enough for you? Or what about the one you took as I ate my burger with my mouth open? Did you like that one?” Louis scoffed and shifted in the cart so he had one leg across my lap and the other dangling off the side as the wheel took a turn and moved us up.

“Aside from the one where you made that weird frog face at the top of the rollercoaster, those were probably some of the better pictures I've taken of you.”

“um, excuse me for trying to be sexy for my little court jester.”

“Oh  I'm the court jester now?”

“Yeah you’ve got the whole mustache and hair thing going for ya there.” He ruffled my hair and clutched the lion as we went higher and higher. We laughed and fell into a silence as we slowly made it to the top, letting the fireworks set off just above the rollercoaster from barely an hour after we arrived. A this point Louis had came over and had his head on my chest with our legs intertwined and sleepy eyes slowly falling, only to be jolted back up when one of the fireworks got a little too close but not far enough to make us nearly jump out and touch it.

One of the closer sparks landed on the lion and before I freaked and through it overboard, Louis beat me to it yelling ‘ _holyshitholyshiytholyshit’_ And slapping the poor guy with his shoe until its partially burnt ear wasn’t a fiery red but just singed a bit. I don't know why Louis felt the need to use his hoe but when he slipped it back on, it just fell back off and landed just beside the cotton candy stand.

We exchanged glances before busting into relieved laughter.

“Wha- was that really necessary? To use your shoe?” I asked as I regained my breath and let him snuggle back under my arm.

“Shut up. I'm not good with fire when it’s that close. I treated it like a roach and used my shoe. And I f I used my jacket it probably just woulda just caught on fire too so… there. I think I made my-”

“-very arguable and kinda stupid point.”  I finished. He gave me a glare and took the lion to hold it over the edge of the cart. I begged for him to give it back because I knew how clumsy he could get when making a threat and stole it back to the opposite side of the cart.

 We settled into a comfortable silence again until we made it four carts above the ground. Louis snuck in a quick kiss that was probably literally meant to be quick but was extended. Once his lips were on mine, I cupped his cheeks and let his hands crawl up to my thighs. He licked my bottom lips and began rubbing up to my groin. I parted my lips only a small bit but once there were separated Louis took over and pushed back onto me, licking over my tongue. Closing and opening our mouths in synch until y hand drifted to the back of his neck to get back some dominance but soon lost it when Louis’ thumb grazed over my zipper and pressed down onto me.

_Shit when did it get so hot?_

Gradually the kiss got soppier. My back pushed against something, the lion long since forgotten. We only pulled apart when my hands nearly flew to Louis’ jacket so  could get it off but I remember where I was and unwillingly backed off hen Louis’ hand pushed me back a little. I found myself panting a little and asked,

“What was that for?”

Louis scoffed in response and looked over to the carnie. Leaning across me he handed him the last of our tickets. The cart continued moving so the next set of kids could get in. “Well I figured you’d still wanna take a few pictures before we head back home. And the kiss… was for what _could_ happen when we get home.” He added between yawns.

I cleared my throat, “Well both would be lovely really, thanks.” I kissed his forehead letting him lay back on my shoulder and leave little kisses on my collarbone and a big wet one on my cheek. Halfway back up I wondered why Louis was suddenly so tired. I checked my phone.

 _9:12_. No wonder. We spent nearly six hours scampering around an amusement park hopped up on caramel and sweets. He must've just crashed after a long day. I felt little warm puffs of air on my neck and felt Louis sliding down my chest.

“Oh,” I pulled him back up and wrapped my arms tighter around his waist so he didn’t fall. “There we go,” I looked across the horizon of cars and rides and parents taking their kids home and took another picture of the moon in the dark navy sky and another of me and Louis in his half asleep state. Makeup smeared everywhere and wind blowing our hair back. We made it to the top again and I felt myself growing tired but my head wouldn’t allow me to sleep so I turned on a slow song and rocked side to side with Louis in my arms and the lion still in his.

_Best six hours of my life._

“Tired are we, Haz?” Louis piped up just as my eyes closed, making them open again. “Why don't you just take a nap? Its gonna be a few minutes until we get back down.”

“’Cause, who’s going to take us back home?” I drawled out.

“I will. I don't think anyone else here knows where we live. Unless we have a stalker among us.”

I chuckled and rubbed my eyes,  “Lou, you know today is my early birthday just as much as it is your late, late birthday. I'm pretty sure I’ll be up long enough to give you another piggy back ride to the car.”

He looked up at me, “you sure? I don't think it would be good on your foot.”

“Positive. I just gave you a piggy back ride earlier today I think I’ll be fine. Just…” I laid a long kiss to his head, “just go to sleep, or at least take a nap. I’d like at least one of us o get some sleep tonight. Cause were obviously not going to do what you mentioned earlier.” I joked.

“Oh yeah, well when we get back you can just wake me up once were in bed, kay love?”

I wasn’t going to but agreed anyways.

He finally fell asleep before we even made it to the bottom making it a little harder for me to get him onto my back but stayed still in the process. I made my way to the exit and fidgeted taking out my phone to take one last picture of the park in all its glowing gory.

I got Louis into the car in a somewhat comfortable looking position. I got into the driver’s seat trying not to fret because the last time I  drove I ended up in the hospital but with Louis in the car I was nervous for his safety but at the same time calmed knowing he was going to be right by me through the tiring ride. His presence had the power to make me loose every piece of common sense and heighten my senses at the same time. I could be watching a sad movie with Louis  but I wouldn’t cry because id most likely be thinking about Louis.

 _Louis’ eyes. Louis’ lips. Louis’ hands. Louis’ tattoos. Louis’ fucking ass. Louis Louis Louis._ It probably wasn’t the healthiest thing but with Louis by me anything was good, unless it wasn’t.

He’s been through lots of shit that I’d hate to go through but I'm happy I was able to make him happy for a good seven hours. Even if a good half hour of it was just napping.

Once we made it back to our flat and got indoors, I nearly fainted. It was sooo warm. _Louis most likely left the heater on just for the pleasure of it._ I closed the door and was engulfed in complete heat. It was wonderful and I just wanted to drop everything and fall asleep on the floor instantly. But no. _Louis first_. I brought him to our bedroom and laid him on the bed to slowly strip him into his pajama bottoms.

 I laid him under the blanket and undressed myself but before joining my partner I thought it’d be a good idea to take my meds ahead of time. Drinking some sweetened milk with more honey than usual I popped the tabs into my mouth. I jogged into the room to lay with Louis, watching him automatically turn over so he was facing me, in his sleep. It squeezed my eyes hut hoping to fall asleep in a matter of seconds but groaned when I found myself still awake at around nine forty five.

Sighing I brought my hand to graze Louis’ cheek.  I kissed the corner of his lip lightly so he wouldn’t awake but when I pulled away he made a barely audible moan like he was conscious that I still was awake.

If that was the case then at least I got to stay up for another half hour knowing he wouldn’t leave me awake in the middle of the night just like I wouldn’t leave him alone in the middle of a crowd of ignorant people that refused to love him _the way he should_. No matter what he always managed to make me feel like I somehow needed him more than he needed me.

He was the warmth so much warmer than some cozy little place in the middle of England. He was where I lived and where my deed was entitled. And the longer I thought about his fluffiness, his childishness, his godlike figure, I found my eyes finally obeying me, letting me sleep until late the next morning only to be met with that same warmth and… suddenly incredibly tiresome, figure that I could kiss for days on end.

 _It’s about time I got some fucking sleep_ , I though as I tightened my grip around Louis’ soft pillow-like sides.

It doesn’t matter if I felt a faint kiss on my forehead  as soon as my dreams began, because that’s all I thought o. his little kisses, kissing away all his love just for me

_Closing the distance between our lips, and forever and always grateful for that rainy Tuesday where I never would’ve thought to have found Louis._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> so... yeah. sorry for the errors in probably all the chapters but thx for reading anyways.  
> its twice as long as intended so yay me.  
> comments and kudos/bookmarks are nice. ~( ' w '~)


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